How to Stop Lying

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns of a Lying ProblemHow to Stop Lying

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Signs of a Lying Problem

How to Stop Lying

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The truth is thateveryone liesfrom time to time. Small lies to spare someone’s feelings, omissions to avoid revealing too much, and yes, even blatant attempts to mislead are all examples of how lies can work their way into everyday communication.

But lies can have a serious impact. They can destroy relationships, undermine trust, and wreak havoc on your personal life.

The good news is that you can stop lying. It might not be easy, and it might take time, but the desire to stop lies can be enough to help you overcome the temptation to continue with this behavior.

Press Play for Advice On LyingThis episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring psychologist Paul Ekman aka “the human lie detector” shares why people lie and how to tell if someone is lying. Click below to listen now.

Press Play for Advice On Lying

This episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring psychologist Paul Ekman aka “the human lie detector” shares why people lie and how to tell if someone is lying. Click below to listen now.

So how can you tell when lying has started to erode the trust and communication in your relationships? How do you recognize that lies are starting to harm your daily life? Some signs that you might have aproblem with lying:

How to Tell if Someone Is Lying

If you notice yourself lying more than you want to, then it is time to begin examining why this happens and how to stop lying for good. Here are some things to consider:

Stop Justifying Dishonesty

Lying isn’t an uncommon behavior, and everyone does lie from time to time. But it’s important to recognize that people are generally quite truthful in their everyday communication, according to much of the research on deception.

It’s difficult to gauge exactly how frequently people lie since estimating that number relies on people being, well, honest. Some of the best estimates suggest that people lie around once or twice per day. Research also suggests that there is a small proportion of people who lie far more than the average.

Deception studies have found that a small percentage of highly prolific liars actually tell the vast majority of lies.

So if you are telling more lies than the average person each day, there’s a strong chance that this dishonesty might affect different areas of your life. Acknowledging the problematic behavior is often the first step towardmaking a lasting change.

Understand Why You Lie

If you are trying to be more honest in your everyday communication, it can be helpful to understand the types of lies you’re telling and why you’re telling them in the first place.

Deception researcher Bella DePaulo suggests that people tend to lie about five key topics:

Sometimes these lies are deliberate attempts to manipulate others to achieve some personal benefit. In other cases, they might be a way to avoid hurting someone with the truth or hide something that you prefer to keep private.

In fact, researchers distinguish between two different types of lies.Prosociallies are the small lies that people tell to protect feelings or avoid conflict. On the other hand, antisocial lies intentionally mislead or deceive others for personal gain.

One 2014 study found that while prosocial lies could help promote social harmony, antisocial lies lead to greater fragmentation of social networks.

Consider how lying is affecting your life. Be honest with yourself about how lying is affecting yourself and others.

If you are telling lies for personal gain or manipulating others, you will likely experience a decline in the quality of your close relationships. Sometimes when you better understand the harm that lying can do, you’ll be less likely to rely on it in the future.

Consider the Consequences

DePaulo has suggested that while we generally view lying as wrong, the most common types of lies people tell are those designed to protect theirself-esteem, spare other people’s feelings, or get other people to like them.These kinds of lies might not necessarily be harmless but tend to be more understandable than those intended to outright exploit or manipulate others.

There are certain situations where it is understandable to withhold the truth or even lie outright. In other cases, the question then becomes whether the other person actually benefits from being told a lie.

Honest feedback can help people do better in the future, and sharing the truth can help build stronger, more open bonds between individuals.

Even when you tell analtruisticlie to spare someone else’s feelings, it is important to remember that you are making assumptions about what you think the other person wants to hear. Is that person looking for positive affirmation about a choice they have already made, or do they really want to hear your honest assessment?

Put Your Relationships First

Lying can have several negative effects,including lasting damage to your relationships. Even if you feel like the occasional fib can’t hurt, there are many compelling reasons to curb the lying habit.

When people feel that they cannot rely on you to be truthful, it impairs your trust with friends, family, romantic partners, and others in your life. And once people feel they can’t trust you, it can bedifficult to regain that trust.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

Remember That Lies Create Stress

Telling a lie might solve a problem quickly, but maintaining a lie can be stressful and lead to long-lasting problems.Even small lies can snowball and grow bigger than you intended. It is easy to forget how much it costs to maintain the habit when the results are temporarily positive.

While more research is needed to understand the connection, decreasedstressis one factor that might play a role in explaining these benefits.

Practice Being Authentic

What happens is that you then feel the need to maintain a facade to maintain those relationships. By being honest, you’ll be able to be who you truly are without feeling the need to hide.

Becauseself-disclosureis an important part of close relationships, not being truthful also makes it harder to form meaningful connections with other people.

You can only be truly honest when you are completely vulnerable with your feelings and experiences. When you lie about the past or present, it makes it hard to be open with others.

Consider How Others Feel

But this doesn’t mean that they won’t discover your lie or that your deception won’t hurt them. If and when people find that they have been deceived, they may feel hurt, manipulated, exploited, and betrayed.

Find Alternatives to Lying

One important way to stop lying can be to identify the situations where you might be tempted to lie and think of alternatives ways to cope. So what are some substitutes that you can use in place of lying?

Changing ahabittakes time, so it can be helpful to plan how you’re going to start overcoming this behavior. Map out some of the steps you will follow to start being more truthful from now on.

Talk to a Professional

If you are struggling to stop lying or if the behavior feels impulsive or out of control, consider talking to a mental health professional. You should also consider talking to a therapist if lying has started to negatively impact your life, such as affecting your relationships, work, academics, or other aspects of your daily life.

Atherapistcan help you understand if your behavior might be related to a mental health condition, explore the underlying reasons behind your dishonesty, and help you find new ways to cope that don’t involve lying. In cases where lying has affected your close relationships, you might considercouples counseling,family therapy, orgroup therapyto find ways to mend those connections.

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A Word From Verywell

Remember that change isn’t easy. Be aware that it isn’t that easy to stop the behavior, and it is possible to repeat the pattern.

9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verigin BL, Meijer EH, Bogaard G, Vrij A.Lie prevalence, lie characteristics and strategies of self-reported good liars.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225566. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225566University of Rochester Medical Center.The truth about lying.DePaulo BM.The many faces of lies. In: Miller AG, ed.The Social Psychology of Good and Evil. New York, NY: The Guilford Press; 2004:303–326.Mann H, Garcia-Rada X, Houser D, Ariely D.Everybody else is doing it: exploring social transmission of lying behavior.PLoS One. 2014;9(10):e109591. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0109591Iñiguez G, Govezensky T, Dunbar R, Kaski K, Barrio RA.Effects of deception in social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2014;281(1790):20141195. doi:10.1098/rspb.2014.1195Society for Personality and Social Psychology.The consequences of dishonesty.Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426American Psychological Association.Lying less linked to better health, new research finds.Bond CF, DePaulo BM.Accuracy of deception judgments.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2006;10(3):214-234. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr1003_2

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verigin BL, Meijer EH, Bogaard G, Vrij A.Lie prevalence, lie characteristics and strategies of self-reported good liars.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225566. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225566University of Rochester Medical Center.The truth about lying.DePaulo BM.The many faces of lies. In: Miller AG, ed.The Social Psychology of Good and Evil. New York, NY: The Guilford Press; 2004:303–326.Mann H, Garcia-Rada X, Houser D, Ariely D.Everybody else is doing it: exploring social transmission of lying behavior.PLoS One. 2014;9(10):e109591. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0109591Iñiguez G, Govezensky T, Dunbar R, Kaski K, Barrio RA.Effects of deception in social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2014;281(1790):20141195. doi:10.1098/rspb.2014.1195Society for Personality and Social Psychology.The consequences of dishonesty.Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426American Psychological Association.Lying less linked to better health, new research finds.Bond CF, DePaulo BM.Accuracy of deception judgments.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2006;10(3):214-234. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr1003_2

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Verigin BL, Meijer EH, Bogaard G, Vrij A.Lie prevalence, lie characteristics and strategies of self-reported good liars.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225566. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225566University of Rochester Medical Center.The truth about lying.DePaulo BM.The many faces of lies. In: Miller AG, ed.The Social Psychology of Good and Evil. New York, NY: The Guilford Press; 2004:303–326.Mann H, Garcia-Rada X, Houser D, Ariely D.Everybody else is doing it: exploring social transmission of lying behavior.PLoS One. 2014;9(10):e109591. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0109591Iñiguez G, Govezensky T, Dunbar R, Kaski K, Barrio RA.Effects of deception in social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2014;281(1790):20141195. doi:10.1098/rspb.2014.1195Society for Personality and Social Psychology.The consequences of dishonesty.Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426American Psychological Association.Lying less linked to better health, new research finds.Bond CF, DePaulo BM.Accuracy of deception judgments.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2006;10(3):214-234. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr1003_2

Verigin BL, Meijer EH, Bogaard G, Vrij A.Lie prevalence, lie characteristics and strategies of self-reported good liars.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225566. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225566

University of Rochester Medical Center.The truth about lying.

DePaulo BM.The many faces of lies. In: Miller AG, ed.The Social Psychology of Good and Evil. New York, NY: The Guilford Press; 2004:303–326.

Mann H, Garcia-Rada X, Houser D, Ariely D.Everybody else is doing it: exploring social transmission of lying behavior.PLoS One. 2014;9(10):e109591. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0109591

Iñiguez G, Govezensky T, Dunbar R, Kaski K, Barrio RA.Effects of deception in social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2014;281(1790):20141195. doi:10.1098/rspb.2014.1195

Society for Personality and Social Psychology.The consequences of dishonesty.

Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426

American Psychological Association.Lying less linked to better health, new research finds.

Bond CF, DePaulo BM.Accuracy of deception judgments.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2006;10(3):214-234. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr1003_2

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