Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents6 Ways to Stop Being SelfishCharacteristicsCausesBenefits of Being Less SelfishFAQ

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

6 Ways to Stop Being Selfish

Characteristics

Causes

Benefits of Being Less Selfish

FAQ

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Selfishness involves caring only about your needs without thinking of other people. It is often characterized as excessive concern for one’s interests, needs, and welfare without regard for others.

Everyone is a little selfish sometimes, which isn’t always a bad thing. Caring for yourself, focusing on yourself, and meeting your needs are critical for mental well-being.

The problem is if you always put your own interests above everything else, it can take a serious toll on your relationships, impairing the mutual give-and-take that is so essential for healthyinterpersonal relationships.

Learning to stop being selfish can help you focus more on the people who are important to you. It can also help you reap the psychological rewards of showing care and concern for others, ultimately improving your relationships and ensuring that your needs are met.

This article discusses some of the things you can do to be less selfish, including:

What Is Empathy?

Being less selfish can take time and practice. Increasing your awareness of self-centered behaviors can help, but it is also essential to start becoming more empathetic, conscientious, and thoughtful. Below are just a few strategies that can help.

Evaluate Your Behaviors

It’s important to remember that it is normal to act selfish from time to time. Sometimes people go through phases of life where they are more self-focused—like specific developmental periods such as adolescence and young adulthood.

If you suspect that you might be a little too selfish, it is important to evaluate your behaviors and consider the ways you might be able to change.

Are you selfish with your time? Your resources? Your attention? Or are you neglecting the needs of other people who rely on you in some way?

Once you pinpoint the problem, you can start making a concerted effort to change. It may take time and a little practice. Still, eventually, you’ll find that you are better able to recognize selfish behavior and more adept at addressing it before it becomes a serious problem.

Pay Attention to Others

Paying attention to other people and listening to what they say is important if you want to stop being selfish.Active listeningis a skill that can help you focus on others, help them to feel valued, and take the focus off of yourself.

To listen actively, you need to be fully present in the moment. Pay attention to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.Body language, including expression and movement, can convey a lot of meaning.

Check in With Others

Increase Empathy

Empathyis what allows you to consider things from other people’s points of view and focus on things beyond your own needs. Developing your empathetic abilities is a great way to stop being selfish. Strategies that can help you build empathy include:

Research has shown that empathetic people are more likely to engage inprosocial behavior. In other words, they tend to be more selfless and less selfish.

How to Develop Empathy in Relationships

Watch for Cognitive Biases

Cognitive biasesare thinking errors that affect how we interpret and interact with the world. Such biases can lead to poor decision-making, but they can also contribute to selfish behavior.

For example, thefundamental attribution erroris a bias that can cause you to blame other people’s behavior on their character while attributing your mistakes to external forces. Similarly, theself-serving biascan lead you to attribute your success to your innate talent and hard work while at the same time blaming others for your mistakes and failures.

Such biases are often rooted in people seeing things only from their own perspective. Being aware of these thinking errors and making an effort to consider different ways of seeing situations can help reduce both bias and selfishness.

Volunteer to Help Others

Volunteering is a great way to turn your focus outward. While helping out a good cause is certainly a great way to help make the world a better place, evidence also suggests thatvolunteers reap important rewards.

Altruistic behaviors can:

And because helping others requires you to focus on something outside yourself, it can go a long way toward reducing selfishness.

Show Gratitude

One strategy to help increase appreciation for others is keeping agratitude journal.

Spend a few minutes each day writing down a few things you are grateful for.Focusing on the people who bring happiness to your life can reduce self-centeredness.

Characteristics of Selfish People

Selfishness doesn’t always look the same. And self-focused behaviors are not always a sign of selfishness. They can be an essential form of self-care that is critical to well-being.

To better recognize harmful, selfish behavior, it can be helpful to look at some key differences between selfish and selfless people.

SelfishMaterialisticSelf-promotingGrandiose sense of selfLack empathyDisregard for consequencesUnkindEntitledSelf-absorbedSelflessGenerousAltruisticHumbleEmpatheticConscientiousKindGratefulCharitable

SelfishMaterialisticSelf-promotingGrandiose sense of selfLack empathyDisregard for consequencesUnkindEntitledSelf-absorbed

Materialistic

Self-promoting

Grandiose sense of self

Lack empathy

Disregard for consequences

Unkind

Entitled

Self-absorbed

SelflessGenerousAltruisticHumbleEmpatheticConscientiousKindGratefulCharitable

Generous

Altruistic

Humble

Empathetic

Conscientious

Kind

Grateful

Charitable

Potential Causes of Being Selfish

Selfishness can stem from a variety of causes. People who tend to have narcissistic personalities are more prone to being self-absorbed. Some factors that can contribute to this tendency include:

Selfishness can vary depending on the situation; everyone engages in this behavior to a certain extent.

When dealing with stress or a traumatic event, your first instinct is often geared toward self-protection. This is normal, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. After all, you must ensure your needs are met before you can turn your attention to helping others.

Being less selfish can bring a variety of rewards to your life. Some possible benefits of learning to become less self-absorbed include:

Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked QuestionsSelfishness can be a sign ofnarcissistic personality disorder(NPD). People with NPD are self-centered, have an exaggerated sense of self, exploit others for personal gain, and are preoccupied with power and success.Selfishness isn’t always bad, and everyone is selfish once in a while. It’s okay to be selfish when you need extra care and attention.Not paying enough attention to yourself can negatively affect your health and well-being, contributing tochronic stressandburnout.So don’t be afraid to be selfish if you need to rest, when you feel overwhelmed, orneed some time to yourself.

Selfishness can be a sign ofnarcissistic personality disorder(NPD). People with NPD are self-centered, have an exaggerated sense of self, exploit others for personal gain, and are preoccupied with power and success.

Selfishness isn’t always bad, and everyone is selfish once in a while. It’s okay to be selfish when you need extra care and attention.Not paying enough attention to yourself can negatively affect your health and well-being, contributing tochronic stressandburnout.So don’t be afraid to be selfish if you need to rest, when you feel overwhelmed, orneed some time to yourself.

Selfishness isn’t always bad, and everyone is selfish once in a while. It’s okay to be selfish when you need extra care and attention.

Not paying enough attention to yourself can negatively affect your health and well-being, contributing tochronic stressandburnout.So don’t be afraid to be selfish if you need to rest, when you feel overwhelmed, orneed some time to yourself.

A Word From Verywell

Being selfish can be hurtful to others, but it can also be harmful to yourself. Self-absorption doesn’t allow you to grow as a person. It can also deprive you of healthy relationships that promote emotional well-being. If you want to stop being selfish, consider some of the benefits of being selfless and start trying to reach out to others.

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Pang Y, Song C, Ma C.Effect of different types of empathy on prosocial behavior: Gratitude as mediator.Front Psychol. 2022;13:768827. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.768827Lawton RN, Gramatki I, Watt W, Fujiwara D.Does volunteering make us happier, or are happier people more likely to volunteer? Addressing the problem of reverse causality when estimating the wellbeing impacts of volunteering.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(2):599-624. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00242-8Sexton JB, Adair KC.Forty-five good things: a prospective pilot study of the Three Good Things well-being intervention in the USA for healthcare worker emotional exhaustion, depression, work-life balance and happiness.BMJ Open. 2019;9(3):e022695. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2018-022695Luo YL, Cai H, Song H.A behavioral genetic study of intrapersonal and interpersonal dimensions of narcissism.PLoS One. 2014;9(4):e93403. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0093403Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Mariotti A.The effects of chronic stress on health: new insights into the molecular mechanisms of brain-body communication.Future Sci OA. 2015;1(3):FSO23. doi:10.4155/fso.15.21

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Pang Y, Song C, Ma C.Effect of different types of empathy on prosocial behavior: Gratitude as mediator.Front Psychol. 2022;13:768827. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.768827Lawton RN, Gramatki I, Watt W, Fujiwara D.Does volunteering make us happier, or are happier people more likely to volunteer? Addressing the problem of reverse causality when estimating the wellbeing impacts of volunteering.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(2):599-624. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00242-8Sexton JB, Adair KC.Forty-five good things: a prospective pilot study of the Three Good Things well-being intervention in the USA for healthcare worker emotional exhaustion, depression, work-life balance and happiness.BMJ Open. 2019;9(3):e022695. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2018-022695Luo YL, Cai H, Song H.A behavioral genetic study of intrapersonal and interpersonal dimensions of narcissism.PLoS One. 2014;9(4):e93403. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0093403Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Mariotti A.The effects of chronic stress on health: new insights into the molecular mechanisms of brain-body communication.Future Sci OA. 2015;1(3):FSO23. doi:10.4155/fso.15.21

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Pang Y, Song C, Ma C.Effect of different types of empathy on prosocial behavior: Gratitude as mediator.Front Psychol. 2022;13:768827. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.768827Lawton RN, Gramatki I, Watt W, Fujiwara D.Does volunteering make us happier, or are happier people more likely to volunteer? Addressing the problem of reverse causality when estimating the wellbeing impacts of volunteering.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(2):599-624. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00242-8Sexton JB, Adair KC.Forty-five good things: a prospective pilot study of the Three Good Things well-being intervention in the USA for healthcare worker emotional exhaustion, depression, work-life balance and happiness.BMJ Open. 2019;9(3):e022695. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2018-022695Luo YL, Cai H, Song H.A behavioral genetic study of intrapersonal and interpersonal dimensions of narcissism.PLoS One. 2014;9(4):e93403. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0093403Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Mariotti A.The effects of chronic stress on health: new insights into the molecular mechanisms of brain-body communication.Future Sci OA. 2015;1(3):FSO23. doi:10.4155/fso.15.21

Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123

Pang Y, Song C, Ma C.Effect of different types of empathy on prosocial behavior: Gratitude as mediator.Front Psychol. 2022;13:768827. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.768827

Lawton RN, Gramatki I, Watt W, Fujiwara D.Does volunteering make us happier, or are happier people more likely to volunteer? Addressing the problem of reverse causality when estimating the wellbeing impacts of volunteering.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(2):599-624. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00242-8

Sexton JB, Adair KC.Forty-five good things: a prospective pilot study of the Three Good Things well-being intervention in the USA for healthcare worker emotional exhaustion, depression, work-life balance and happiness.BMJ Open. 2019;9(3):e022695. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2018-022695

Luo YL, Cai H, Song H.A behavioral genetic study of intrapersonal and interpersonal dimensions of narcissism.PLoS One. 2014;9(4):e93403. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0093403

Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875

Mariotti A.The effects of chronic stress on health: new insights into the molecular mechanisms of brain-body communication.Future Sci OA. 2015;1(3):FSO23. doi:10.4155/fso.15.21

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