On This Page:ToggleLet Go Of The PastChallenge Your ThoughtsAvoid Accusations Or ConfrontationsPractice Healthy CommunicationConsider TherapyIs Some Jealousy Healthy?
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Jealousy is a common emotion that many people experience at some point in a relationship. It is a natural response to situations that might threaten the connection or trust between partners. Occasional feelings of jealousy can even serve as a reminder for partners to appreciate and protect their relationship.
However, jealousy in a relationship can be damaging if left unchecked. Excessive or irrational jealousy can be harmful as it leads to insecurity, controlling behavior, and conflict.
Here are some steps to help you overcome jealousy in your relationship:
Let Go Of The Past
Letting go of any past insecurities and doubts is essential for rebuilding trust – a foundational element that can help reduce jealousy.
Robert L. Leahy Ph.D. explains, “Jealousy about your partner’s past is a common issue for couples. You may feel that their past is something that threatens your current relationship, and so you keep dwelling on it.”
Rather than ruminating about the past, focus on doing things that nurture and strengthen your current relationship.
Remind yourself of the love and connection you share with your partner and practice gratitude for what you have together.
Challenge Your Thoughts
When jealousy strikes, try to challenge the negative thoughts that arise.
Try to pinpoint the underlying reasons for your jealousy. Is it because you feel insecure, afraid of losing your partner, or do you have trust issues? Is there any evidence to support your thoughts?
Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Identifying the source can help you address the specific problem.
Avoid Accusations Or Confrontations
Healthy confrontation can be an opportunity for positive change. However, accusations and confrontations often escalate into conflicts and can make jealousy issues worse.
Therefore, it is important to express your feelings in a respectful and constructive manner. Instead of accusing your partner of wrongdoing or confronting them with accusations, initiate a calm and non-confrontational conversation.
Share your feelings and concerns honestly but without blame. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I feel insecure when…” or “I would appreciate more reassurance about….”
Additionally:
Practice Healthy Communication
Open and honest communication is key for building trust and understanding in any relationship. Share your feelings and concerns with your partner andlisten to their perspectivewithout judgment.
Expressing your emotions can help your partner understand what you are going through and give them an opportunity to provide reassurance if necessary.
Tips on how to practice healthy communication:
Consider Therapy
If jealousy continues to be a significant issue and is causing problems in your relationship, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.
Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to process your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies to manage jealousy.
You can ask your doctor for a referral or search online for therapists who are experienced in treating couples.
A therapist can help you:
Is Some Jealousy Healthy?
Some degree of jealousy can be considered healthy in a relationship, but it depends on the intensity and frequency of the jealousy, as well as how it is expressed.
Jealousy is a normal humanemotionthat everyone experiences from time to time. A mild, occasional bout of jealousy can show that you care about your partner and the relationship and signify that the relationship holds value for you.
A small amount of jealousy can also be a catalyst for growth and understanding within a relationship. It provides an opportunity for open communication that can lead to establishing boundaries, clarifying expectations, and strengthening the relationship.
However, it’s important to emphasize that healthy jealousy should be mild, infrequent, and based on reasonable concerns. Excessive or irrational jealousy can be destructive to a relationship and indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed.
Julia Simkusedited this article.
References
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How to Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship. (2023). Retrieved 19 July 2023, fromhttps://www.verywellmind.com/overcome-jealousy-in-your-marriage-2303979
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15 Signs of Jealousy in a Relationship and How to Handle It. (2021). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-jealousy-in-a-relationship/
Seeing Green? This Is Jealousy. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://psychcentral.com/health/signs-of-jealousy
What’s Really Behind Jealousy, and What to Do About It. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201410/whats-really-behind-jealousy-and-what-do-about-it
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False Accusations in a Relationship: Is It Emotional Abuse?. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://psychcentral.com/relationships/psychological-effects-of-false-accusations-in-relationships
7 Signs That a Partner’s Jealousy Is a Problem. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/202203/7-signs-partners-jealousy-is-problem
Evans, P. (2002). Controlling people: How to recognize, understand, and deal with people who control you. Avon, MA: Adams Media.
Darcy, A. (2023). Jealousy in Relationships – Is it all in Your Head?. Retrieved 28 July 2023, fromhttps://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/jealousy-head.htm
How Jealousy Can Negatively Affect a Relationship. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://psychcentral.com/blog/the-poisonous-effect-of-jealousy-on-your-relationship
Coping With Insecurity in Relationships. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-insecurity-in-a-relationship-5207949
Getting Past the Past Jealousy. (2023). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201804/getting-past-the-past-jealousy
10 Ways On How Low Self Esteem Affects a Relationship. (2019). Retrieved 20 July 2023, fromhttps://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/low-self-esteem-in-relationship/
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Resources
Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Haddi BrowneMental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, ProofreaderEducation BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health StudiesMiss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.
Haddi BrowneMental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, ProofreaderEducation BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies
Haddi Browne
Mental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, Proofreader
Education BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies
Miss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.
