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Defensive BehaviorDefensive behaviorinvolves justifying your behavior or making excuses for yourself when faced with anger, criticism, guilt, or embarrassment.
Defensive Behavior
Defensive behaviorinvolves justifying your behavior or making excuses for yourself when faced with anger, criticism, guilt, or embarrassment.
We’ve all been in situations where we’ve receivednegative feedback, faced someone’s wrath, felt guilty about our actions, or been embarrassed.
Being defensive means rushing to defend yourself when you’re faced with an uncomfortable situation, rather than listening and really talking about the problem, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.
This article explores the characteristics of defensive people, potential causes of defensiveness, strategies to be less defensive, and the benefits it can offer you.
Examples of Defensive Behavior
These are some examples of defensive behavior, according to Dr. Daramus:
Aimee Daramus, PsyDDefensiveness feels good in the moment because it takes the pressure off of you, but later on you have to clean up the problems it causes.
Aimee Daramus, PsyD
Defensiveness feels good in the moment because it takes the pressure off of you, but later on you have to clean up the problems it causes.
What Does It Mean to Be ‘Triggered’
Characteristics of Defensive People
These are some characteristics of defensive people, as compared to those who are more acceptive.
Defensive PeopleHave a knee-jerk defensive reactionAre not receptive to feedbackMake excuses for their behaviorCan’t stand to show any weaknessCare about protecting their self-image at all costsAcceptive PeopleAre willing to hear someone outAre open to constructive criticismCan admit to their mistakesCan be vulnerable and honest with othersFocus more on finding solutions and learning from their mistakes
Defensive PeopleHave a knee-jerk defensive reactionAre not receptive to feedbackMake excuses for their behaviorCan’t stand to show any weaknessCare about protecting their self-image at all costs
Have a knee-jerk defensive reaction
Are not receptive to feedback
Make excuses for their behavior
Can’t stand to show any weakness
Care about protecting their self-image at all costs
Acceptive PeopleAre willing to hear someone outAre open to constructive criticismCan admit to their mistakesCan be vulnerable and honest with othersFocus more on finding solutions and learning from their mistakes
Are willing to hear someone out
Are open to constructive criticism
Can admit to their mistakes
Can be vulnerable and honest with others
Focus more on finding solutions and learning from their mistakes
Potential Causes of Being Defensive
These are some of the potential causes of defensiveness, according to Dr. Daramus:
How to Stop Repeating Your Mistakes
7 Ways to Be Less Defensive
Dr. Daramus suggests some ways to be less defensive:
How to Apologize the Right Way
Benefits of Being Less Less Defensive
Below, Dr. Daramus lists some of the benefits of being less defensive:
How to Be Successful in Reaching Your Goals
Frequently Asked Questions
Frequently Asked QuestionsThese are some ways to be less defensive at work:Take your time to respond and reply calmly.Ask for clarifications if you haven’t understood the person’s expectations.Keep the focus on finding solutions rather than playing the blame game.These are some ways to be less defensive in a relationship:Hear your partner out.Try to see things from their perspective.Accept your mistakes and work on them.Remember that a relationship is not something you need to “win,” and trying to be right all the time may cause a breakup.
These are some ways to be less defensive at work:Take your time to respond and reply calmly.Ask for clarifications if you haven’t understood the person’s expectations.Keep the focus on finding solutions rather than playing the blame game.
These are some ways to be less defensive at work:
These are some ways to be less defensive in a relationship:Hear your partner out.Try to see things from their perspective.Accept your mistakes and work on them.Remember that a relationship is not something you need to “win,” and trying to be right all the time may cause a breakup.
These are some ways to be less defensive in a relationship:
A Word From Verywell
If you often find yourself responding to uncomfortable situations with defensiveness, it can be helpful to become more aware of why you’re doing it and work on responding more honestly instead.
If your tendency to be defensive is harming your relationships or your career, it can be helpful to talk to a mental healthcare provider who can help you develop healthiercommunication skills.
How to Be a Better Person
4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychological Association.Defensive behavior.Di Giuseppe M, Perry JC.The hierarchy of defense mechanisms.Front Psychol. 2021;12:718440. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.718440Jamilian HR, Zamani N, Darvishi M, Khansari MR.Study of defensive methods and mechanisms in developmental, emotional (internalization), and disruptive behavior (externalization) disorders.Glob J Health Sci. 2014;6(7 Spec No):109-115. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n7p109David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877
4 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychological Association.Defensive behavior.Di Giuseppe M, Perry JC.The hierarchy of defense mechanisms.Front Psychol. 2021;12:718440. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.718440Jamilian HR, Zamani N, Darvishi M, Khansari MR.Study of defensive methods and mechanisms in developmental, emotional (internalization), and disruptive behavior (externalization) disorders.Glob J Health Sci. 2014;6(7 Spec No):109-115. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n7p109David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
American Psychological Association.Defensive behavior.Di Giuseppe M, Perry JC.The hierarchy of defense mechanisms.Front Psychol. 2021;12:718440. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.718440Jamilian HR, Zamani N, Darvishi M, Khansari MR.Study of defensive methods and mechanisms in developmental, emotional (internalization), and disruptive behavior (externalization) disorders.Glob J Health Sci. 2014;6(7 Spec No):109-115. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n7p109David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877
American Psychological Association.Defensive behavior.
Di Giuseppe M, Perry JC.The hierarchy of defense mechanisms.Front Psychol. 2021;12:718440. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.718440
Jamilian HR, Zamani N, Darvishi M, Khansari MR.Study of defensive methods and mechanisms in developmental, emotional (internalization), and disruptive behavior (externalization) disorders.Glob J Health Sci. 2014;6(7 Spec No):109-115. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n7p109
David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877
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