How to Stop Being Codependent

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsExamplesWhy It HappensRisk FactorsIdentifying CodependencyHow to Stop Being CodependentGetting HelpNext Steps

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs

Examples

Why It Happens

Risk Factors

Identifying Codependency

How to Stop Being Codependent

Getting Help

Next Steps

Close

Codependency is often referred to as “relationship addiction.” It’s an emotional and behavioral condition that interferes with an individual’s ability to develop a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It can be frustrating and destructive, but there are things that you can do to learn how to stop being codependent. To start, you should:

The term codependency was first used to describe the partner of someone with an addiction—whose unhealthy choices enable or encourage the addiction to continue. But over the years, it’s been expanded to include individuals who maintain one-sided, emotionally destructive, or abusive relationships, and those relationships don’t necessarily have to be romantic.

How to Spot the Signs of Codependency

Signs of Codependency

Individuals who are codependent have good intentions. They want to care for a family member who is struggling. But their efforts become compulsive and unhealthy. Some signs of codependency include:

For some individuals, codependent relationships become commonplace. They seek out friendships or romantic relationships where they are encouraged to act like martyrs.

Consequently, they devote all their time to caring for others and completely lose sight of what’s important to them.

Codependency can come in many forms. But the root of a codependent relationship is that the codependent individual loses sight of their own needs and wants to the detriment of themselves and the other individual.

Dependent Personality Disorder Signs and Symptoms

Examples of Codependency

Here are some examples of what a codependent relationship might look like:

In parent-child relationships it can involve:

In romantic relationships it can involve:

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Codependency occurs in dysfunctional families where members often experience anger, pain, fear, or shame that is denied or ignored. Underlying issues that contribute to the dysfunction may involve:

Problems within the family are never confronted. Codependent individuals don’t bring up the fact that issues exist. Family members repress their emotions and disregard their own needs in an effort to care for the individual who is struggling.

All of the attention and energy goes toward the individual who is abusive, ill, or addicted. The codependent individual usually sacrifices all of their own needs to care for the family member who is struggling. They usually experience social, emotional, and physical consequences as they disregard their own health, welfare, and safety.

Risk Factors and Characteristics

While anyone might find themselves in a codependent relationship, there are certain factors that increase the risk. Researchers have identified several factors that are often linked with codependency:

Individuals in the helping professions are also more likely to be in codependent relationships. It’s estimated that one-third of nurses have moderate to severe levels of codependency. Nurses need to be sensitive to the needs of others and often need to set aside their own feelings for the good of their patients.They may also find validation in their ability to care for others, and that need may spill over into their personal lives.

Identifying Codependent Relationships

While codependency isn’t something that shows up in a lab test or a brain scan, there are some questions that you can ask yourself to help spot codependent behavior.

If you answer yes to many of these questions, it may be a sign of codependent behavior patterns in your relationships. Identifying these patterns is an important step in learning how to stop being codependent.

Some individuals are able to overcome codependency on their own. Learning about what it means to be codependent and the harm it causes can be enough for some individuals to change their behavior. Some steps you can take to overcome codependence include:

Some people learn about their codependent tendencies through books or articles. Others stop being codependent when they experience environmental changes, such as when a partner becomes sober or they get a new job that requires them to stop care-taking.

Codependency often requires professional treatment, however. It can be treated with talk therapy. Research shows that several different types of therapy treatments can be effective in improving the quality of one’s life and learning how to stop being codependent.

Group Therapy

There are several different group interventions that may be effective for codependency. The group dynamic gives individuals an opportunity to form healthier relationships in an appropriate space. Group therapy often involves giving positive feedback and holding individuals accountable.

Group therapy methods may vary. Some involve cognitive behavioral therapy, where members learn specific skill-building strategies.

Other codependency groups follow the 12-step model. Similar to the way other 12-step groups are run, individuals learn about their relationship addiction. Goals may include increasingself-awareness, self-esteem, and the expression of feelings.

What Is Group Therapy?

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Family Therapy

Family therapy targets the dysfunctional family dynamics. Family members learn how to recognize their dysfunctional patterns so they can learn how to improve their relationships.

Improved communication is often a key goal of family therapy. Issues that have never before been discussed in the family may be raised in therapy. Sometimes, one individual creates a change (such as getting sober or encouraging someone to be more independent) and it can change the entire family dynamic.

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapycan target the thoughts that contribute to unhealthy relationship patterns. For example, an individual who thinks, “I can’t stand being alone,” is likely to go to great lengths to maintain the relationship, even when it’s not healthy to do so. Therapy sessions might focus on learning how to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and changing irrational thoughts.

The goal is likely to create positive behavior changes and allow the other individual to accept more personal responsibility for their own actions.

Treatment may delve into a person’s childhood, since most codependent individuals are patterning their relationships after ones they grew up seeing. Therapy may assist someone in getting in touch with their emotions and helping them experience a wide range of feelings again.

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If you aren’t comfortable speaking to a therapist in person or you are hesitant to attend a group, consideronline therapy. You can speak to a therapist from the privacy of your own home from one of your electronic devices via video, live chat, or messaging.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

What to Know If You’re Concerned About a Toxic Relationship

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ançel G, Kabakçi E.Psychometric properties of the Turkish form of Codependency Assessment Tool.Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. 2009;23(6):441-453. doi:10.1016/j.apnu.2008.10.004.Yates JG, Mcdaniel JL.Are you losing yourself in codependency?The American Journal of Nursing. 1994;94(4):32. doi:10.2307/3464716.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ançel G, Kabakçi E.Psychometric properties of the Turkish form of Codependency Assessment Tool.Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. 2009;23(6):441-453. doi:10.1016/j.apnu.2008.10.004.Yates JG, Mcdaniel JL.Are you losing yourself in codependency?The American Journal of Nursing. 1994;94(4):32. doi:10.2307/3464716.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Ançel G, Kabakçi E.Psychometric properties of the Turkish form of Codependency Assessment Tool.Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. 2009;23(6):441-453. doi:10.1016/j.apnu.2008.10.004.Yates JG, Mcdaniel JL.Are you losing yourself in codependency?The American Journal of Nursing. 1994;94(4):32. doi:10.2307/3464716.

Ançel G, Kabakçi E.Psychometric properties of the Turkish form of Codependency Assessment Tool.Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. 2009;23(6):441-453. doi:10.1016/j.apnu.2008.10.004.

Yates JG, Mcdaniel JL.Are you losing yourself in codependency?The American Journal of Nursing. 1994;94(4):32. doi:10.2307/3464716.

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