How to Spot and Cope With Feelings of Jealousy

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCharacteristicsComplicationsIdentifyingCausesTypesTreatmentCoping

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Characteristics

Complications

Identifying

Causes

Types

Treatment

Coping

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Jealousy is a complex emotion that involves a real or perceived threat to an interpersonal relationship. An individual may resent a third person for taking away or appearing to take away the affection of their loved one.

This article discusses the characteristics ofjealousy, what causes these feelings, and the effects they can have. It also explores what you can do to manage these feelings and when it may be time to seek help.

Understanding Retroactive Jealousy

Characteristics of Jealousy

While it’s typically perceived as a negative emotion, it is natural to experience jealousy in a close relationship. You may feel suspicious jealousy or reactive jealousy.

The former is based on perception and is often tied to lowself-esteemandinsecurity, and the latter is based on situations that actually threaten the relationship and is often tied to actions or situations that lead to or cause the betrayal of trust.

Jealousy can lead to other emotions or feelings. Psychiatrist Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD, explains how jealousy can manifest in relationships:

The 6 Types of Basic Emotions and Their Effect on Human Behavior

Complications of Jealousy

In healthy doses, jealousy can serve as a reminder to cherish or prioritize a relationship. High degrees of jealousy, however, can impact the overall quality of a relationship.

When you’re experiencing jealousy, it can cause changes to your body. According to Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, the following physical symptoms may occur when jealousy arises:

Jealousy can occur at any time, especially in situations that feel threatening, but the emotion can also build up over time, too.

Identifying Jealousy

Jealousy can be difficult to understand and process. Depending on the situation, you may feel embarrassed, threatened, insecure, or abandoned.

Even if a real threat presents itself, jealousy can lead to extreme behaviors, especially if you’re feeling insecure about yourself or the relationship. For your own mental health, you’ll want to find healthy ways to handle your jealousy.

Causes of Jealousy

Various psychological and socioeconomic factors can contribute to jealousy. You may be more prone to experiencing the emotion depending on your personality andattachment style.High levels of interdependence in a relationship may increase your risk of jealousy.

Many situations can make you feel jealous. Some common ones include:

You could feel jealous when a loved one spends a lot of their time hanging with a particular friend or talking at length with a coworker in front of you, or you could feel jealous when apartneracknowledges someone else’s accomplishments but not yours or a coworker gets a promotion and you don’t.

Jealousy and Mental Health

Certain mental health conditions can also play a role in feelings of jealousy. Conditions that might be linked to this emotion include:

If you are experiencing intense jealousy and other symptoms that cause distress or interfere with your ability to function normally, it is important to talk to your doctor or mental health professional.

Types of Jealousy

Studies conducted on heterosexual romantic relationships found that men tend to feel jealous over a third party’s dominance and are more concerned about sexual infidelity, whereas women tend to feel jealous of a third party’s attractiveness and are more concerned about emotional infidelity.

Jealousy vs. Envy

Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably, but they have different meanings and characteristics. Where jealousy involves the fear that a third party will disrupt a relationship, envy involves the desire to have what someone else possesses.

While distinct, jealousy and envy have some commonalities, which is why they are often confused. Both can be rooted in feelings of insecurity, and jealousy can lead a person to envy the person they see as a rival.

With jealousy, a person might feel insecure about their relationship, while envy might involve insecurity about themselves.

JealousyFear that someone will take what you haveOften leads to anger and resentmentRooted in rivalryFear of losing something you haveEnvyFeeling that someone has something you wantOften leads a person to want to changeRooted in comparisonDesire for something you don’t have

JealousyFear that someone will take what you haveOften leads to anger and resentmentRooted in rivalryFear of losing something you have

Fear that someone will take what you have

Often leads to anger and resentment

Rooted in rivalry

Fear of losing something you have

EnvyFeeling that someone has something you wantOften leads a person to want to changeRooted in comparisonDesire for something you don’t have

Feeling that someone has something you want

Often leads a person to want to change

Rooted in comparison

Desire for something you don’t have

How to Handle Jealousy in Marriage

Treatment for Jealousy

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but abnormal jealousy can put you or others in danger. If you’re experiencing morbid jealousy, in which your thoughts, emotions, behaviors are irrational, extreme, or obsessive, then you may need treatment.

If you’re experiencing another underlying mental health condition, such as an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia, then you’ll want to consult with a mental health professional to discuss tailored treatment options.

The most common treatment options include:

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy can be helpful for changing the thoughts that contribute to feelings of jealousy. Two types of therapy that can be particularly effective include:

Medications

Medications may also be prescribed to help manage some of the symptoms that might be associated with jealousy, particularly if you also have a condition such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Some commonly prescribed medications include:

Treatment will vary depending on the type of jealousy you’re experiencing and how it’s manifesting. Unaddressed abnormal jealousy can lead to distrust, paranoia, or abuse.

Coping With Jealousy

If you don’t learn to cope with jealousy, it can strain or hurt your relationships. If your jealousy is negatively impacting your mental health or your relationships, you should use Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios’s recommended coping mechanisms:

To maintain healthy relationships, you’ll want to communicate your feelings, address expectations, and establish a foundation of mutual trust and understanding. If jealousy becomes a problem, speaking with a mental health professional can help.

How to Express Jealousy in a Positive Way

A Word From Verywell

Learning to identify jealousy is a skill. When you do experience it, try using one of the many coping mechanisms available to you. Understand, though, that jealousy does not excuse manipulation or abuse.

If coping mechanisms aren’t working or if the threat becomes disruptive to the relationship (no matter if it’s real or imagined), then you may want to seek counseling to discuss the problem with a mediator. You may find that there’s an underlying problem in the relationship which needs to be addressed.

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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Martínez-León NC, Peña JJ, Salazar H, García A, Sierra JC.A systematic review of romantic jealousy in relationships.Terapia psicológica. 2017;35(2):203-212. doi:10.4067/s0718-48082017000200203

Ritchie LL, van Anders SM.There’s jealousy…and then there’s jealousy: differential effects of jealousy on testosterone.Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology. 2015;1(2):231-246. doi:10.1007/s40750-015-0023-7

Seeman MV.Pathological jealousy: An interactive condition.Psychiatry. 2016;79(4). doi:10.1080/00332747.2016.1175838

Sheikhmoonesi F.Obsessional jealousy: A narrative literature review.Iranian Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. 2017;11(4). doi:10.5812/ijpbs.7273

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