Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIdeas for Relationship GoalsHow to Create Relationship GoalsGetting StartedHow To Make Your Goals a RealityBenefits of Setting Goals Together

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Ideas for Relationship Goals

How to Create Relationship Goals

Getting Started

How To Make Your Goals a Reality

Benefits of Setting Goals Together

Close

Setting relationship goals is a way to commit to something together and show each other you care about the relationship and one another. When you write down a list of goals together, you are showing each other the relationship is a priority and has a future. Developing goals will encourage you to work as a team to enhance and sustain the relationship.

There are a wide range of goals that can help bring couples together. Here are some ideas of goals you and your partner can try:

Tips on Creating Relationship Goals

When establishing relationship goals, the best kind are those that you create and support together. Making sure your goals are specific, measurable and attainable helps do this. You can create a schedule to effectively incorporate specific activities into your everyday lives. This will also help you track your progress and determine when you’ve achieved these goals.

Sherry Amatenstein, a New York City-based therapist, journalist, author of three relationship books and host of the podcastSHERAPY: Real Therapy with Sherry Amatenstein, offers some tips. She says, “It’s important for both of you to be on board about what goal you are setting. What one views as an obstacle, the other might view as a fact of life.”

When setting goals, make sure to listen to the other person and have aflexible perspectivethroughout the process. Amatenstein says its important to having empathy for their concerns even if you don’t share them. She also reiterates the importance of setting small, achievable, specific goals. “One step at a time versus leaping into the sky,” she says.

Tips For Goal Setting

Steps for Creating Relationship Goals

Making goals doesn’t have to complicated. Here is a basic set of steps to follow when creating goals with your partner:

Through all of the ups and down in a relationship, it can be hard to stay committed to relationship goals. But there are ways to get past obstacles and stay on track.

When you first move to set relationship goals, it may be hard to agree on them. Every person has different ideas of what the future looks like, which naturally can result in discord. To combat this, be sure to compromise. If one of you wants to have sex five times a week, for example, and the other prefers three times a week, it may be beneficial to compromise on four nights ofintimate sexper week.

Obstacles will also come up that can interfere with the regular action you agreed to take to reach your couple goals. If something comes up that makes goals hard or impossible to achieve, the important thing is to be honest and talk to your partner about it. Hopefully your partner will be understanding and you can find a way to change the goal to make it more feasible for both of you.

One studyexamining the effect of spousal contributions on goal pursuit in older couples showed that when someone has higher relationship satisfaction and support, as well as less conflict, they made more progress on their goals.

Setting goals together will help you and your partner bond. Making a commitment to a goal together also means making a commitment to each other. Goal setting will help you develop healthy relationship habits and learn how to lean one another to complete something.

One study showed how partner support helps promote making progress on your goals. The study also revealed that setting and working towards your goals will have physical, psychological and relational benefits for both you and your partner.

Overall, regardless of what stage you are it in your relationship, setting goals is beneficial. Working toward mutual couple goals and making progress on them is sure to improve the quality of your relationshipand bring you and your partner closer together.

How to Talk About Your Values in a Relationship

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Zambrano E, Pauly T, Gerstorf D, Ashe MC, Madden KM, Hoppmann CA. Partner Contributions to Goal Pursuit: Findings From Repeated Daily Life Assessments With Older Couples. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2022 Jan 12;77(1):29-38. doi: 10.1093/geronb/gbab052. PMID: 33950240; PMCID: PMC8755906.

Avivi YE, Laurenceau JP, Carver CS. Linking relationship quality to perceived mutuality of relationship goals and perceived goal progress. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. 2009;28(2):137-164.

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