Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Are Boundaries?When Boundaries Are NeededWhy Create Boundaries?Setting Healthy BoundariesHow to Maintain and Enforce BoundariesSupporting Friendship and Its Boundaries

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Are Boundaries?

When Boundaries Are Needed

Why Create Boundaries?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

How to Maintain and Enforce Boundaries

Supporting Friendship and Its Boundaries

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Setting healthy boundaries in friendships can help you protect your identity and personal space. It can also prevent others from taking advantage of you or limiting what you want to do. Setting boundaries can enhance your mental and emotionalwell-beingand actually strengthen your friendships.

This article will explore what boundaries are, when they’re necessary and why create them. The article will then discuss setting healthy boundaries, maintaining and enforcing them and finally supporting friendship and its boundaries.

When Boundaries Are Needed

These lines you draw up help both you and your friends. Friends may criticize what you’re wearing or make you feel bad about your goal of running a marathon. Without realizing it, they could be crossing a line.

What kind of scenarios might prompt a talk about boundaries? Here are examples:

While it’s tempting to look away, you need to speak up. Allowing others to overrun your boundaries has unhealthy consequences for you. Being unwilling to share your feelings or say no also prevents the other person from knowing what you feel and expect.

Setting up a discussion about your boundaries can contribute to opencommunicationand mutual understanding between you and your friend. Although the thought of having a talk like this might create feelings of tension or dread, a scientific study  identified lower levels of stress between friends who conversed about challenges compared to strangers.

Researchers analyzed communication during collaborative problem solving amongst younger and older women. Results showed reduced levels ofcortisol, the stress hormone, in the communications between friends, although the discussion was about a challenging subject.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

So, how do you set these boundaries? Good boundaries are clear, concise, and consistent. If you believe this will be anawkward conversation, don’t forget to actively listen, ask questions, be genuine and even usehumorto lighten the discussion.

Here are tips on how to have this important conversation that will ultimately honor both you and your friend. Remember to use “I” statements and avoid accusations or insults.

How to Maintain and Enforce Boundaries

After stating the boundaries, your friend should understand what you’re asking of them. Direct communication enables you and your friend to avoid misunderstandings and even better the relationship.

To help you enforce these boundaries, you can use phrases like “That is hurtful to me so I want it to stop.”  Or “This is what I need,” or “I understand you’re trying to help, but I want to make my own decision.”

Setting a boundary is about having a discussion to determine how the have the best relationship possible. It’s important to be specific about what we want, to own our feelings, and to emphasize what we value about the person. Although these discussions are difficult, we give our friends a chance to change behavior they may not recognize as unwelcome.—LAUREL HEALY, LCSW

Setting a boundary is about having a discussion to determine how the have the best relationship possible. It’s important to be specific about what we want, to own our feelings, and to emphasize what we value about the person. Although these discussions are difficult, we give our friends a chance to change behavior they may not recognize as unwelcome.

—LAUREL HEALY, LCSW

If your friends resist your boundaries, keep reminding them. Provide gentle guidance and when necessary, use moreassertive communication. If they refuse to honor the boundaries you’ve set, decide if the friendship is worth keeping.

Supporting Friendship and Its Boundaries

Friendships are fundamental for our growth. They offertrust, closeness and intimacy, which are valuable for our psychological and emotional well-being.

Friendship quality greatly affects our mental development during adolescence. A systematic review was recently conducted to understand the association between friendship quality and adolescents' mental wellbeing. The review showed an association with happiness and good self-esteem and reinforced the value of healthy friendships.

To have the best quality friendship you can, discuss the importance of respecting and supporting the boundaries your friend would like to set, too. By sharing our boundaries, we foster a culture ofempathyand understanding. Honoring reciprocity is a win-win for both of you.

It’s Time to Spring Clean Our Relationships

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rodrigues MA, Yoon SO, Clancy KBH, Stine-Morrow EAL.What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women. J Women Aging. 2021 Jul-Aug;33(4):411-427. doi: 10.1080/08952841.2021.1915686Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L. Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review. BMC Public Health. 2022 Dec 23;22(1):2420. doi: 10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4. PMID: 36564745; PMCID: PMC9784006.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rodrigues MA, Yoon SO, Clancy KBH, Stine-Morrow EAL.What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women. J Women Aging. 2021 Jul-Aug;33(4):411-427. doi: 10.1080/08952841.2021.1915686Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L. Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review. BMC Public Health. 2022 Dec 23;22(1):2420. doi: 10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4. PMID: 36564745; PMCID: PMC9784006.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Rodrigues MA, Yoon SO, Clancy KBH, Stine-Morrow EAL.What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women. J Women Aging. 2021 Jul-Aug;33(4):411-427. doi: 10.1080/08952841.2021.1915686Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L. Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review. BMC Public Health. 2022 Dec 23;22(1):2420. doi: 10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4. PMID: 36564745; PMCID: PMC9784006.

Rodrigues MA, Yoon SO, Clancy KBH, Stine-Morrow EAL.What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women. J Women Aging. 2021 Jul-Aug;33(4):411-427. doi: 10.1080/08952841.2021.1915686

Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L. Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review. BMC Public Health. 2022 Dec 23;22(1):2420. doi: 10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4. PMID: 36564745; PMCID: PMC9784006.

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