Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Kind of Communicator Are You?Signs of Passive-Aggressive BehaviorExamples of Passive-Aggressive BehaviorEffectsCausesHow to Deal With Passive-Aggressive PeopleWhen You Are Passive-Aggressive
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Kind of Communicator Are You?
Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Examples of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Effects
Causes
How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People
When You Are Passive-Aggressive
Close
Passive-aggressive behavior is defined as behavior that is seemingly innocuous, accidental, or neutral but that indirectly displays an unconscious aggressive motive.
Someone who is passive-aggressive often lets others take control while someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or directly forceful. So, someone who is passive-aggressive exerts their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Learn more about what being passive-aggressive means, the types of actions common with passive-aggressive behavior, and passive-aggressive examples. We also share how to respond when interacting with someone who exhibits passive-aggressiveness.
Our fast and freecommunication styles quizcan help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.
Passive-aggressive behavior can show up in many forms. If someone is being passive-aggressive, they might:
A passive-aggressive person might repeatedly claim that they are not mad or that they are fine—even when they are apparently furious and obviously not okay. In denying what they are feeling and refusing to beemotionally open, they shut down further communication and refuse to discuss the issue.
Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself in a number of different ways. Some examples include:
In personal settings, for example, a passive-aggressive person might repeatedly make excuses to avoid certain people as a way of expressing their dislike orangertoward those individuals.
An example of passive-aggressive behavior in a marriage would be asking your spouse to empty the dishwasher, having them tell you they will, then never doing it or doing it at the last minute. Or they may respond with a sarcastic comment such as, “Why yes, I’d love to empty the dishwasher for you.”
Effects of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
When someone is passive-aggressive, it can negatively affect their relationships. Since they don’t openly voice their feelings, the people they interact with may not understand why they’re getting thesilent treatmentor why their requests are being ignored. This creates confusion about what is going on.
Over time, these behaviors can take a toll on the relationship. The passive-aggressive person’s partner may start to get tired of asking several times to do something or they may start to resent the sarcastic responses. This can create a wedge.
Additionally, since the person who is being passive-aggressive doesn’t open up about how they are feeling, the underlying anger orfrustrationis never dealt with. The situation continues to fester as opposed to resolving the issues and moving forward.
Employees who are passive-aggressive may face disciplinary action at work or even be terminated. A student who is passive-aggressive might get low marks in school due to missing or late assignments, hurting their grades and resulting in poor academic performance.
Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behaviors can have negative effects on relationships in families, romances, and even in the workplace and school. So why is this often destructive behavior so common? There are a few things that can contribute to passive aggression.
RecapPassive-aggressive behaviors can be a result of upbringing, mental health status, the situation, or being uncomfortable with confrontation.
Recap
Passive-aggressive behaviors can be a result of upbringing, mental health status, the situation, or being uncomfortable with confrontation.
Verywell / Nusha Ashjaee
What can you do when confronted with a friend, co-worker, or romantic partner who regularly engages inpassive aggression? The first step is to recognize the signs of such behavior. Sulking, backhanded compliments, procrastination, withdrawal, and refusal to communicate are all passive-aggressive behaviors.
When the other person begins acting in such a way, try to keep your anger in check. Instead, point out the other person’s feelings in a way that is non-judgmental, yet factual. If you are dealing with a child who is clearly upset about having to do chores, for example, you might say, “You seem to be angry at me for asking you to clean your room.”
Addressing behaviors without pointing fingers or assigning blame may make it easier for them to open up. It also lets them know that you recognize the passive-aggressiveness and aren’t going to let it slide without talking things out.
Finally, allow the person the opportunity to work through how they are feeling. Give them the space they need to figure out their emotions and handle them accordingly.
Recognizing Your Own Passive-Aggressive Behaviors
It can sometimes be easier to recognize passive-aggressiveness in others than it is to see these behavior patterns in yourself. If you think that you might be passive-aggressive, take a step back and look at your own behavior with an impartial eye. These questions can help:
If you feel that your passive-aggressive behaviors are damaging your relationships, there are steps you can take to change how you relate to others.
How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive
Keep in Mind
Passive-aggressive behavior can be destructive, yet we can all respond in such ways at times. By understanding what causes passive-aggressiveness and how to deal with it, you can not only address these behaviors with people in your life but also minimize the potential damage to your own relationships.
What to Know If You’re Concerned About a Toxic Relationship
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Passive-aggressive. American Psychological Association.Greater Good Magazine.How to stop passive aggression from ruining your relationship. Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley.Schanz CG, Equit M, Schäfer SK, Michael T.Self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression: findings from two cross-sectional observational studies.BMC Psychiatry. 2022;22:200. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-03850-1Additional ReadingBrant A.8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness.W.W. Norton & Company.Richardson DS, Hammock GS. Is it aggression? Perceptions of and motivations for passive and psychological aggression. In: Forgas JP, Kruglanski AW, Williams KD, eds.The Psychology of Social Conflict and Aggression.Psychology Press.
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Passive-aggressive. American Psychological Association.Greater Good Magazine.How to stop passive aggression from ruining your relationship. Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley.Schanz CG, Equit M, Schäfer SK, Michael T.Self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression: findings from two cross-sectional observational studies.BMC Psychiatry. 2022;22:200. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-03850-1Additional ReadingBrant A.8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness.W.W. Norton & Company.Richardson DS, Hammock GS. Is it aggression? Perceptions of and motivations for passive and psychological aggression. In: Forgas JP, Kruglanski AW, Williams KD, eds.The Psychology of Social Conflict and Aggression.Psychology Press.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
APA Dictionary of Psychology.Passive-aggressive. American Psychological Association.Greater Good Magazine.How to stop passive aggression from ruining your relationship. Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley.Schanz CG, Equit M, Schäfer SK, Michael T.Self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression: findings from two cross-sectional observational studies.BMC Psychiatry. 2022;22:200. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-03850-1
APA Dictionary of Psychology.Passive-aggressive. American Psychological Association.
Greater Good Magazine.How to stop passive aggression from ruining your relationship. Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley.
Schanz CG, Equit M, Schäfer SK, Michael T.Self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression: findings from two cross-sectional observational studies.BMC Psychiatry. 2022;22:200. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-03850-1
Brant A.8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness.W.W. Norton & Company.Richardson DS, Hammock GS. Is it aggression? Perceptions of and motivations for passive and psychological aggression. In: Forgas JP, Kruglanski AW, Williams KD, eds.The Psychology of Social Conflict and Aggression.Psychology Press.
Brant A.8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness.W.W. Norton & Company.
Richardson DS, Hammock GS. Is it aggression? Perceptions of and motivations for passive and psychological aggression. In: Forgas JP, Kruglanski AW, Williams KD, eds.The Psychology of Social Conflict and Aggression.Psychology Press.
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