How to Recognize and Cope With Verbal Abuse

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsTypesImpactWhat to Do

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs

Types

Impact

What to Do

Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse. It is when someone uses their words to assault, dominate, ridicule, manipulate, and/or degrade another person and negatively impact that person’s psychological health. Verbal abuse is a means of controlling and maintaining power over another person.

Most people assume that if they were being verbally abused they would know about it. After all, verbal abuse often involves yelling, put-downs, name-calling, and belittling behaviors. But there is more to verbal abuse than people realize. Some people are verbally abused on a regular basis without even recognizing that it’s happening.

Verbal abuse can occur in any type of relationship: romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, family relationships, and co-worker relationships.

Verbal abuse sometimes precedes physical abuse; however, this is not always the case. Verbal abuse can exist without physical abuse. The effects of verbal abuse can be just as damaging as those of physical abuse.

This article covers what verbal abuse is, the signs and impact of verbal abuse, as well as how to seek help if you are coping with the effects of verbal abuse.

1:38Click Play to Learn More About Verbal Abuse

1:38

Click Play to Learn More About Verbal Abuse

Signs of Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. This can include overt verbal abuse such as yelling, screaming, or swearing. Such behaviors are attempts to gain power, and the goal is to control and intimidate you into submission. As a result, it is abusive and should not be tolerated or excused.

However, verbal abuse can also be much more subtle. Victims of verbal abuse often question whether or not what they are experiencing is truly abusive. They also wonder whether or not it is a big deal.

Some signs that you are experiencing verbal abuse include:

People engage in verbal abuse for a variety of reasons. Family history, past experiences, personality, and mental illness are a few factors that can play a role.

Types of Verbal Abuse

When someone is being verbally abused, the person attacking them may use overt forms of abuse like engaging in name-calling and making threats, but also more insidious methods like gaslighting or constantly correcting, interrupting, putting down, and demeaning them.

For some people, especially those who experience verbal abuse in the home or experienced it as a child, it can often be overlooked because verbal assaults feel like a normal way to communicate. But they are anything but normal and can have lasting consequences.

Verbal abuse can take many different forms, including:

While not an exhaustive list, these are several examples of the common types of verbal abuse that can occur.

Impact of Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse can impact every element of life, from academic performance to relationships to success at work. Just like any other form of abuse or bullying, verbal abuse has both short- and long-term consequences, including:

When verbal abuse is particularly severe, it can impact whether or not people can see themselves as being successful in any area of life. Those who experience verbal abuse as children may experience feelings of worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, and problems regulating their emotions as adults.

Verbal abuse can be particularly confusing because the partner may not be abusive all of the time and their behavior likely emerged slowly over time. In this way, verbal abuse can be insidious and subtle.

As a result, when the abuser is loving and gentle, the victim can forget about the negative behavior. Ultimately, the victim ends up ignoring the pattern of verbal abuse or makes excuses for the behavior, saying that the abuser is just stressed or going through a tough time right now.

What to Do About Verbal Abuse

The first step indealing with verbal abuseis to recognize the abuse. If you were able to identify any type of verbal abuse in your relationship, it’s important to acknowledge that first and foremost.

By being honest about what you are experiencing, you can begin to take steps to regain control. While you need to consider your individual situation and circumstances, these tips can help if you find yourself in a verbally abusive relationship.

Immediately Call Out the Behavior

Set Boundaries

Firmly tell the verbally abusive person that they may no longer criticize, judge or shame you, name-call, threaten you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they continue this abusive behavior.

For instance, tell them that if they scream or swear at you, the conversation will be over and you will leave the room. The key is to follow through; don’tset boundariesyou have no intention of keeping.

Limit Exposure

If possible, take time away from the verbally abusive person and spend time with people who love and support you. Limiting exposure with the person can give you space to reevaluate your relationship. Surrounding yourself with a network of friends and family will help you feel less lonely and isolated and remind you ofwhat a healthy relationship should look like.

End the Relationship

If there are no signs that the verbal abuse will end, or that the person has any intention of working on their behavior, you will likely need to take steps to end the relationship.

Before doing so, share your thoughts and ideas with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. You may also want to come up with a safety plan in case theabuse escalateswhen you break things off.

Workplace Abuse

Seek Help

Healing from a verbally abusive relationship may not be something you can do on your own. Reach out to trusted loved ones for support, and consider talking to a therapist who can help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping skills for dealing with the short- and long-term consequences of verbal abuse.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Final Thoughts

Although the effects of verbal abuse can be significant, there is always hope. Once a person recognizes verbal abuse in their lives, they can start making informed decisions about whichfriendshipsand dating relationships are healthy and which are toxic, fake, or abusive. They also can learn to stand up to verbal bullying.

Remember, verbal abuse doesn’t have to leave a lasting impact. With intervention, victims can overcome and cope with the bullying they have experienced.

How to Identify and Cope With Emotional Abuse

11 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Wong P, Matthies B.Verbal abuse in married versus non-married couples: the relationship between perception of acceptability and experience.Mod Psychol Stud. 2010;15(2):63-72.Yun JY, Shim G, Jeong B.Verbal abuse related to self-esteem damage and unjust blame harms mental health and social interaction in college population.Sci Rep.2019;9:5655. doi:10.1038/s41598-019-42199-6Sweet LP.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Socio Rev.2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Shdaifat EA, Al Amer MM, Jamama AA.Verbal abuse and psychological disorders among nursing student interns in KSA.J Taibah Univ Med Sci. 2020;15(1):66-74. doi:10.1016/j.jtumed.2019.12.007Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-260.Beck JG, McNiff J, Clapp JD, Olsen SA, Avery ML, Hagewood JH.Exploring negative emotion in women experiencing intimate partner violence: Shame, guilt, and PTSD.Behav Ther. 2011;42(4):740-750. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2011.04.001Grossman FK, Spinazzola J, Zucker M, Hopper E.Treating adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse and neglect: A new framework.Am J Orthopsychiatry. 2017;87(1):86-93. doi:10.1037/ort0000225Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-60.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.What is employment discrimination?.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.Harassment.

11 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Wong P, Matthies B.Verbal abuse in married versus non-married couples: the relationship between perception of acceptability and experience.Mod Psychol Stud. 2010;15(2):63-72.Yun JY, Shim G, Jeong B.Verbal abuse related to self-esteem damage and unjust blame harms mental health and social interaction in college population.Sci Rep.2019;9:5655. doi:10.1038/s41598-019-42199-6Sweet LP.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Socio Rev.2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Shdaifat EA, Al Amer MM, Jamama AA.Verbal abuse and psychological disorders among nursing student interns in KSA.J Taibah Univ Med Sci. 2020;15(1):66-74. doi:10.1016/j.jtumed.2019.12.007Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-260.Beck JG, McNiff J, Clapp JD, Olsen SA, Avery ML, Hagewood JH.Exploring negative emotion in women experiencing intimate partner violence: Shame, guilt, and PTSD.Behav Ther. 2011;42(4):740-750. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2011.04.001Grossman FK, Spinazzola J, Zucker M, Hopper E.Treating adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse and neglect: A new framework.Am J Orthopsychiatry. 2017;87(1):86-93. doi:10.1037/ort0000225Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-60.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.What is employment discrimination?.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.Harassment.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Wong P, Matthies B.Verbal abuse in married versus non-married couples: the relationship between perception of acceptability and experience.Mod Psychol Stud. 2010;15(2):63-72.Yun JY, Shim G, Jeong B.Verbal abuse related to self-esteem damage and unjust blame harms mental health and social interaction in college population.Sci Rep.2019;9:5655. doi:10.1038/s41598-019-42199-6Sweet LP.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Socio Rev.2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Shdaifat EA, Al Amer MM, Jamama AA.Verbal abuse and psychological disorders among nursing student interns in KSA.J Taibah Univ Med Sci. 2020;15(1):66-74. doi:10.1016/j.jtumed.2019.12.007Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-260.Beck JG, McNiff J, Clapp JD, Olsen SA, Avery ML, Hagewood JH.Exploring negative emotion in women experiencing intimate partner violence: Shame, guilt, and PTSD.Behav Ther. 2011;42(4):740-750. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2011.04.001Grossman FK, Spinazzola J, Zucker M, Hopper E.Treating adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse and neglect: A new framework.Am J Orthopsychiatry. 2017;87(1):86-93. doi:10.1037/ort0000225Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-60.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.What is employment discrimination?.U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.Harassment.

Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041

Wong P, Matthies B.Verbal abuse in married versus non-married couples: the relationship between perception of acceptability and experience.Mod Psychol Stud. 2010;15(2):63-72.

Yun JY, Shim G, Jeong B.Verbal abuse related to self-esteem damage and unjust blame harms mental health and social interaction in college population.Sci Rep.2019;9:5655. doi:10.1038/s41598-019-42199-6

Sweet LP.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Socio Rev.2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843

Shdaifat EA, Al Amer MM, Jamama AA.Verbal abuse and psychological disorders among nursing student interns in KSA.J Taibah Univ Med Sci. 2020;15(1):66-74. doi:10.1016/j.jtumed.2019.12.007

Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-260.

Beck JG, McNiff J, Clapp JD, Olsen SA, Avery ML, Hagewood JH.Exploring negative emotion in women experiencing intimate partner violence: Shame, guilt, and PTSD.Behav Ther. 2011;42(4):740-750. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2011.04.001

Grossman FK, Spinazzola J, Zucker M, Hopper E.Treating adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse and neglect: A new framework.Am J Orthopsychiatry. 2017;87(1):86-93. doi:10.1037/ort0000225

Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N.Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence.Pak J Med Sci. 2014;30(2):256-60.

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.What is employment discrimination?.

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.Harassment.

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