How to Recognize and Cope With Narcissist Discard

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsNarcissist Discard in RelationshipsReasons for Narcissist DiscardMental Health Impact of Narcissist DiscardCoping With Narcissistic DiscardFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

Narcissist Discard in Relationships

Reasons for Narcissist Discard

Mental Health Impact of Narcissist Discard

Coping With Narcissistic Discard

Frequently Asked Questions

Close

Narcissist discard is when a person withnarcissistictendencies ends their relationship with you. It can often feel like you’ve been used and discarded.

While people often use the term “narcissist” casually to refer to people who are selfish and self-absorbed,narcissistic personality disorderis in fact a mental health condition.Research sugg that this condition can make it difficult for people to maintain interpersonal relationships with family, colleagues, and other members of their community.

At a Glance

Can a Narcissist Love?

It can be helpful to understand narcissist discard in the context of a narcissistic relationship. These are the stages of narcissistic relationships, according to Dr. Daramus:

Appreciation

Narcissistic relationshipsoften start off at a fervent pitch. The person will seem like someone special, and they’ll make you feel unique. Whether romantic, professional, or otherwise, the relationship will move fast.

All this attention can feel nice, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is—love-bombing. This involves showering someone with attention, affection, and praise in order to manipulate or take advantage of them.

Depreciation

Repetition

You’ll find yourself feeling confused, anxious, depressed, and scrambling to be good enough. If you try to pull away, they’ll react with hurt andrage, but then thecycle of appreciation and depreciationwill start again.

Discard

They will use you for personal gain, and when you’re no longer of use to them, they will discard you.

Sometimes, this discard is final; the relationship ends, and they move on to repeat the cycle with someone else. In other cases, it might be temporary. When they need something else, they’ll draw you back into the relationship to begin the same distressing and damaging cycle all over again.

What Is Triangulation in Psychology?

What causes a narcissist to discard you? According to a 2017 study, people with narcissistic personality disorder often have trouble maintaining long-term relationships.They tend to use people to prop up theirsense of self, often due to a deficiency of parental affection in childhood.They think of others as objects to discard when they’re no longer useful.

Dr. Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you:

Signs Someone Is Using You

Below, Dr. Daramus unpacks the impact of being discarded on your mental health, as well as on your partner who has narcissistic tendencies.

Impact on Your Mental Health

People with narcissistic tendencies make you emotionally dependent on them. They try to define you rather than letting you define yourself.

Aimee Daramus, PsyD

Additionally, people with narcissistic tendencies try to make others financially or professionally dependent on them as well, so you may also experience financial losses or professional setbacks.

While the entire process can betraumatic, you may be better off in the long run. Remaining in the relationship can cost you your identity and self-worth, as you’ll have to focus your life around satisfying them.

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Impact on the Person With Narcissistic Tendencies

However, even if they move on to a new source ofattention, they may not want to lose control of you. They may not want to see you move on and become unavailable or they may still want to use you to manipulate other people.

Dr. Daramus suggests some strategies that can help you cope when a narcissist discards you:

Focus on Your Own Needs

Try to remember who you were and what you wanted before this relationship. Instead of subverting your needs, start paying attention to them and expressing them.

Learn More About Healthy Relationships

Learn or re-learn howhealthy relationshipsdevelop, often more slowly and with less fire and drama than narcissistic relationships.

Seek Authentic Support

Surround yourself with genuinelysupportive people. Relationships with people who have narcissistic tendencies can leave you feeling isolated and questioning your reality.

Spending time with people who genuinely care about your well-being can help you incorporate healthier perspectives and regain your sense of equilibrium.

Practice Self-Regulation Skills

Consider learningemotional regulation techniquesto help you manage the pain of the separation. Emotional regulation skills allow you to take stock of the situation and then respond appropriately. This allows you to recognize what you are feeling, accept these feelings, and explore strategies to help you cope.

Examine Past Relationships

Reflect on the factors that attracted you to a relationship with this person in the first place. You may be surprised to find that they resemble a figure in your childhood, such as a parent, who wasunavailableto you.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Takeaways

While it can be a devastating loss, there are steps you can take tocope and heal. In the long run, you may be better off with healthier, mutually supportive relationships.

Frequently Asked QuestionsWhen a narcissist discards you, it can take a toll on your mental health. You may feel upset, used, sad, or rejected. Because narcissists are manipulative and take advantage of others for personal gain, being discarded can also result in financial or professional losses.Narcissists often come back in order to maintain control over you. Particularly the first time it happens, a temporary discard often acts as a tactic to devalue you and demonstrate that they don’t need you. Their goal is to get you to realize that you have little meaning to them and it is up to you to earn their attention. A discard is often only final after a narcissist believes they have nothing more to gain from you.

When a narcissist discards you, it can take a toll on your mental health. You may feel upset, used, sad, or rejected. Because narcissists are manipulative and take advantage of others for personal gain, being discarded can also result in financial or professional losses.

Narcissists often come back in order to maintain control over you. Particularly the first time it happens, a temporary discard often acts as a tactic to devalue you and demonstrate that they don’t need you. Their goal is to get you to realize that you have little meaning to them and it is up to you to earn their attention. A discard is often only final after a narcissist believes they have nothing more to gain from you.

The 5 Things You Need to Do If You’re Dealing With a Narcissist

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunction within intimate relationships.Personal Ment Health. 2022;16(3):204-216. doi:10.1002/pmh.1532Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Gildersleeve M.Demystifying paradoxical characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.Indian J Psychol Med. 2012;34(4):403-404. doi:10.4103/0253-7176.108236

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunction within intimate relationships.Personal Ment Health. 2022;16(3):204-216. doi:10.1002/pmh.1532Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Gildersleeve M.Demystifying paradoxical characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.Indian J Psychol Med. 2012;34(4):403-404. doi:10.4103/0253-7176.108236

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunction within intimate relationships.Personal Ment Health. 2022;16(3):204-216. doi:10.1002/pmh.1532Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Gildersleeve M.Demystifying paradoxical characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.Indian J Psychol Med. 2012;34(4):403-404. doi:10.4103/0253-7176.108236

Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.

Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunction within intimate relationships.Personal Ment Health. 2022;16(3):204-216. doi:10.1002/pmh.1532

Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113

Gildersleeve M.Demystifying paradoxical characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.Indian J Psychol Med. 2012;34(4):403-404. doi:10.4103/0253-7176.108236

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