How to Overcome Eye Contact Anxiety

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCausesThe Power of Eye ContactOvercoming

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Causes

The Power of Eye Contact

Overcoming

Eye contact anxiety refers to the discomfort a person feels when looking at someone directly in the eyes. A person with eye contact anxiety may avoid making eye contact when talking to someone. If they do make eye contact, they may feel like they are being judged or scrutinized.

Eye contact anxiety can interfere with everyday social interactions. By the same token, the ability to maintain good eye contact is an importantaspect of social interaction. People who look others in the eye are perceived as friendly and welcoming. However, many shy and socially anxious people have difficulty with this part of communication.

The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and Tested

Why People Avoid Eye Contact

People have eye contact anxiety for many reasons. For those without a diagnosed mental health condition, avoidance of eye contact could be related toshynessor a lack of confidence. Looking someone in the eye while speaking can feel uncomfortable for those without a lot of practice making conversation or who tend to prefer not being in the spotlight.

To find out if your eye contact anxiety may be related to an official anxiety disorder, you’ll want to speak to a mental health professional who can diagnose you. In fact, it’s recommended that all adults under the age of 65 get routine screening for anxiety.

Often, people withsocial anxiety disorder (SAD)describe looking someone in the eyes as anxiety-provoking and uncomfortable. This is likely due, in part, to genetic wiring.

A 2017 review published inCurrent Psychiatry Reportsfound that social anxiety is related to a mixture of being on guard and avoiding processing emotional social stimuli.This means that at a party, you might both be on the lookout for people who seem to be judging you, but also try to avoid situations in which you feel you are being judged.

In addition, the review showed that socially anxious people tend to avoid maintaining eye contact. Again, this is likely due to the fear of being judged.

An Overview of Social Anxiety Disorder

Eye Contact and Autism

Research on autism shows that autistic people are hypersensitive to eye contact such that their brains show higher than normal activity in the pathways that process expressions on people’s faces. This means that they may avoid eye contact because it can cause extreme discomfort and even pain.

Signs and Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Overcoming Eye Contact Anxiety

We all have varying levels of comfort when it comes to maintaining eye contact. While some people may be predisposed to fearing or avoiding eye contact, most can learn to improve their skills and become better at making good eye contact, starting with:

Reducing Anxiety About Eye Contact

People with a diagnosed anxiety disorder may benefit from treatment includingcognitive behavioral therapy (CNT)ormedication.Most people with social anxiety disorder can learn to overcome their fear response and maintain better eye contact. In this way, eye contact is just one aspect of social interaction that you can become desensitized to through practice and exposure.

Start small with people who make you feel less anxious, such as a good friend, and work your way up to more anxiety-provoking situations such as holding eye contact with your work supervisor.

You could even try starting with making eye contact with characters on television, in online videos, or over Facetime or other video chats if real-life eye contact feels too stressful at first. If you find your anxiety rising before or during situations in which you must make eye contact, try practicingdeep breathingto slow your heart rate and calm yourself down.

We Tried 100+ Therapy Services and Apps—And These Are the 8 Best for Online CBT

Improving Eye Contact Skills

If you are talking to someone one-on-one (or looking at people within a group), choose a spot directly between or slightly above the listener’s eyes. If this doesn’t feel comfortable, try letting your eyes go slightly out of focus, which has the added benefit of softening and relaxing your gaze.

You can and should also look away occasionally. Staring too intensely can make people uncomfortable.

Tips for Making Eye ContactEstablish eye contact at the start. Make eye contact before you start talking to someone.Use the 50/70 rule. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening.Look for 4–5 seconds. Hold eye contact for about four to five seconds at a time, or about as much time as it takes you to register the color of their eyes. When you break eye contact, glance to the side before resuming your gaze.Look away slowly. When you look away, do it slowly. Looking away too quickly (darting your eyes) can make you appear nervous or shy.Use the triangle technique. Rather than looking away or looking down (as this shows a lack of confidence), you can also look at another spot on their face. Imagine an inverted triangle connecting their eyes and mouth. Every five seconds, rotate which point of the triangle you are looking at.Make a gesture. Break your gaze to make a gesture or to nod, as this appears more natural than looking away because you’ve grown uncomfortable with the amount of eye contact.Look near the eyes. If looking someone directly in the eyes is too stressful, instead look at a spot on their nose, mouth, or chin.

Tips for Making Eye Contact

Establish eye contact at the start. Make eye contact before you start talking to someone.Use the 50/70 rule. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening.Look for 4–5 seconds. Hold eye contact for about four to five seconds at a time, or about as much time as it takes you to register the color of their eyes. When you break eye contact, glance to the side before resuming your gaze.Look away slowly. When you look away, do it slowly. Looking away too quickly (darting your eyes) can make you appear nervous or shy.Use the triangle technique. Rather than looking away or looking down (as this shows a lack of confidence), you can also look at another spot on their face. Imagine an inverted triangle connecting their eyes and mouth. Every five seconds, rotate which point of the triangle you are looking at.Make a gesture. Break your gaze to make a gesture or to nod, as this appears more natural than looking away because you’ve grown uncomfortable with the amount of eye contact.Look near the eyes. If looking someone directly in the eyes is too stressful, instead look at a spot on their nose, mouth, or chin.

Employing these two strategies to improve your eye contact will make your listeners feel more connected to you and increase the likelihood that you will feel more comfortable when speaking—either to a group or to an individual.

When speaking to a group of people, instead of thinking of the group as a whole, imagine having individual conversations with one person in the group at a time.

As you speak, choose one person in the group and pretend that you are talking just with that person. Look at that person as you finish your thought or sentence. As you begin a new sentence or idea, choose another person in the group and look them in the eye as you finish your thought. Make sure that you eventually include everyone in the group.

How to Manage Public Speaking Anxiety

A Word From Verywell

If you find that the severity of your social anxiety is to the point that looking someone in the eye is overly distressing, seek help from a mental health professional or your family doctor. If you have not already been diagnosed with SAD, your symptoms will be assessed and you and your healthcare provider can develop a treatment plan especially for you.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

11 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.US Preventive Services Task Force.Screening for Depression and Suicide Risk in Adults: US Preventive Services Task Force Recommendation Statement.JAMA.2023;329(23):2057–2067. doi:10.1001/jama.2023.9297Schulze L, Renneberg B, Lobmaier JS.Gaze perception in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.Front Hum Neurosci. 2013;7:872. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2013.00872Chen NTM, Clarke PJF.Gaze-based assessments of vigilance and avoidance in social anxiety: A review.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2017;19(9):59. doi:10.1007/s11920-017-0808-4Hadjikhani N, Åsberg johnels J, Zürcher NR, et al.Look me in the eyes: Constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Mason M, Hood B, Macrae CN.Look into my eyes: Gaze direction and person memory.Memory. 2004;12(5):637-643. doi:10.1080/09658210344000152Fullwood C, Doherty-Sneddon G.Effect of gazing at the camera during a video link on recall.Applied Ergonomics. 2006;37(2):167-175. doi:10.1016/j.apergo.2005.05.003Kreysa H, Kessler L, Schweinberger SR.Direct speaker gaze promotes trust in truth-ambiguous statements. Paterson K, ed.PLoS ONE. 2016;11(9):e0162291. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162291Murphy NA, Hall JA, Colvin CR.Accurate intelligence assessments in social interactions: mediators and gender effects: accurate intelligence assessments.Journal of Personality. 2003;71(3):465-493. doi:10.1111/1467-6494.7103008Prinsen J, Bernaerts S, Wang Y, et al.Direct eye contact enhances mirroring of others’ movements: A transcranial magnetic stimulation study.Neuropsychologia. 2017;95:111-118. 10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2016.12.011Jefferson JW.Social anxiety disorder: More than just a little shyness.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2001;3(1):4-9. doi:10.4088/pcc.v03n0102Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576Additional ReadingMyllyneva A, Ranta K, Hietanen JK.Psychophysiological responses to eye contact in adolescents with social anxiety disorder.Bio Psycho. 2015; 151-8. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2015.05.005Uusberg H, Allik J, Hietanen JK.Eye contact reveals a relationship between Neuroticism and anterior EEG asymmetry.Neuropsychologia.2015 Jul;73:161–8. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2015.05.008

11 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.US Preventive Services Task Force.Screening for Depression and Suicide Risk in Adults: US Preventive Services Task Force Recommendation Statement.JAMA.2023;329(23):2057–2067. doi:10.1001/jama.2023.9297Schulze L, Renneberg B, Lobmaier JS.Gaze perception in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.Front Hum Neurosci. 2013;7:872. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2013.00872Chen NTM, Clarke PJF.Gaze-based assessments of vigilance and avoidance in social anxiety: A review.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2017;19(9):59. doi:10.1007/s11920-017-0808-4Hadjikhani N, Åsberg johnels J, Zürcher NR, et al.Look me in the eyes: Constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Mason M, Hood B, Macrae CN.Look into my eyes: Gaze direction and person memory.Memory. 2004;12(5):637-643. doi:10.1080/09658210344000152Fullwood C, Doherty-Sneddon G.Effect of gazing at the camera during a video link on recall.Applied Ergonomics. 2006;37(2):167-175. doi:10.1016/j.apergo.2005.05.003Kreysa H, Kessler L, Schweinberger SR.Direct speaker gaze promotes trust in truth-ambiguous statements. Paterson K, ed.PLoS ONE. 2016;11(9):e0162291. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162291Murphy NA, Hall JA, Colvin CR.Accurate intelligence assessments in social interactions: mediators and gender effects: accurate intelligence assessments.Journal of Personality. 2003;71(3):465-493. doi:10.1111/1467-6494.7103008Prinsen J, Bernaerts S, Wang Y, et al.Direct eye contact enhances mirroring of others’ movements: A transcranial magnetic stimulation study.Neuropsychologia. 2017;95:111-118. 10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2016.12.011Jefferson JW.Social anxiety disorder: More than just a little shyness.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2001;3(1):4-9. doi:10.4088/pcc.v03n0102Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576Additional ReadingMyllyneva A, Ranta K, Hietanen JK.Psychophysiological responses to eye contact in adolescents with social anxiety disorder.Bio Psycho. 2015; 151-8. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2015.05.005Uusberg H, Allik J, Hietanen JK.Eye contact reveals a relationship between Neuroticism and anterior EEG asymmetry.Neuropsychologia.2015 Jul;73:161–8. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2015.05.008

US Preventive Services Task Force.Screening for Depression and Suicide Risk in Adults: US Preventive Services Task Force Recommendation Statement.JAMA.2023;329(23):2057–2067. doi:10.1001/jama.2023.9297Schulze L, Renneberg B, Lobmaier JS.Gaze perception in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.Front Hum Neurosci. 2013;7:872. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2013.00872Chen NTM, Clarke PJF.Gaze-based assessments of vigilance and avoidance in social anxiety: A review.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2017;19(9):59. doi:10.1007/s11920-017-0808-4Hadjikhani N, Åsberg johnels J, Zürcher NR, et al.Look me in the eyes: Constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Mason M, Hood B, Macrae CN.Look into my eyes: Gaze direction and person memory.Memory. 2004;12(5):637-643. doi:10.1080/09658210344000152Fullwood C, Doherty-Sneddon G.Effect of gazing at the camera during a video link on recall.Applied Ergonomics. 2006;37(2):167-175. doi:10.1016/j.apergo.2005.05.003Kreysa H, Kessler L, Schweinberger SR.Direct speaker gaze promotes trust in truth-ambiguous statements. Paterson K, ed.PLoS ONE. 2016;11(9):e0162291. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162291Murphy NA, Hall JA, Colvin CR.Accurate intelligence assessments in social interactions: mediators and gender effects: accurate intelligence assessments.Journal of Personality. 2003;71(3):465-493. doi:10.1111/1467-6494.7103008Prinsen J, Bernaerts S, Wang Y, et al.Direct eye contact enhances mirroring of others’ movements: A transcranial magnetic stimulation study.Neuropsychologia. 2017;95:111-118. 10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2016.12.011Jefferson JW.Social anxiety disorder: More than just a little shyness.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2001;3(1):4-9. doi:10.4088/pcc.v03n0102Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576

Schulze L, Renneberg B, Lobmaier JS.Gaze perception in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.Front Hum Neurosci. 2013;7:872. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2013.00872

Chen NTM, Clarke PJF.Gaze-based assessments of vigilance and avoidance in social anxiety: A review.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2017;19(9):59. doi:10.1007/s11920-017-0808-4

Hadjikhani N, Åsberg johnels J, Zürcher NR, et al.Look me in the eyes: Constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5

Mason M, Hood B, Macrae CN.Look into my eyes: Gaze direction and person memory.Memory. 2004;12(5):637-643. doi:10.1080/09658210344000152

Fullwood C, Doherty-Sneddon G.Effect of gazing at the camera during a video link on recall.Applied Ergonomics. 2006;37(2):167-175. doi:10.1016/j.apergo.2005.05.003

Kreysa H, Kessler L, Schweinberger SR.Direct speaker gaze promotes trust in truth-ambiguous statements. Paterson K, ed.PLoS ONE. 2016;11(9):e0162291. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162291

Murphy NA, Hall JA, Colvin CR.Accurate intelligence assessments in social interactions: mediators and gender effects: accurate intelligence assessments.Journal of Personality. 2003;71(3):465-493. doi:10.1111/1467-6494.7103008

Prinsen J, Bernaerts S, Wang Y, et al.Direct eye contact enhances mirroring of others’ movements: A transcranial magnetic stimulation study.Neuropsychologia. 2017;95:111-118. 10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2016.12.011

Jefferson JW.Social anxiety disorder: More than just a little shyness.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2001;3(1):4-9. doi:10.4088/pcc.v03n0102

Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576

Myllyneva A, Ranta K, Hietanen JK.Psychophysiological responses to eye contact in adolescents with social anxiety disorder.Bio Psycho. 2015; 151-8. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2015.05.005Uusberg H, Allik J, Hietanen JK.Eye contact reveals a relationship between Neuroticism and anterior EEG asymmetry.Neuropsychologia.2015 Jul;73:161–8. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2015.05.008

Myllyneva A, Ranta K, Hietanen JK.Psychophysiological responses to eye contact in adolescents with social anxiety disorder.Bio Psycho. 2015; 151-8. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2015.05.005

Uusberg H, Allik J, Hietanen JK.Eye contact reveals a relationship between Neuroticism and anterior EEG asymmetry.Neuropsychologia.2015 Jul;73:161–8. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2015.05.008

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?

Why People Avoid Eye Contact#

Eye Contact and Social Anxiety Disorder#

Eye Contact and Autism#

Overcoming Eye Contact Anxiety#

Reducing Anxiety About Eye Contact#

Improving Eye Contact Skills#

Tips for Making Eye Contact#

A Word From Verywell#

Get Help Now#