How to Navigate and Manage an Autistic Meltdown, From an Autistic Psychologist

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is an Autistic Meltdown?Why Do Meltdowns Happen?Warning Signs of a MeltdownPreventing MeltdownsCoping During a MeltdownCare and Support After a MeltdownFinding Professional Support

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is an Autistic Meltdown?

Why Do Meltdowns Happen?

Warning Signs of a Meltdown

Preventing Meltdowns

Coping During a Meltdown

Care and Support After a Meltdown

Finding Professional Support

Autistic people often experience heightened sensitivity to sensory input, which means they experience certain sensations more strongly than non-autistics. Because the world is designed based onneurotypicalstandards and needs, many environments can be overwhelming for autistic people. Lights, sounds, smells, textures, and other sensory inputs that non-autistics often do not even notice can quickly overload autistic people.

When anautistic personbecomes overwhelmed to the point that they can no longerself-regulate, they may experience an autistic meltdown. Meltdowns are not “temper tantrums” or oppositionality, and an autistic person who is experiencing a meltdown is not in control of their behavior. Meltdowns are exhausting and can be unsafe, but fortunately, they can be prevented or managed safely when the autistic person receives appropriate support.

If you are autistic, you can learn to identify and meet your sensory needs to prevent meltdowns, as well as how to take care of yourself if a meltdown occurs anyway. If you are not autistic but have autistic loved ones, read on to understand how to support them through meltdowns.

For an autistic person, a meltdown is a response to overwhelm. A meltdown can look different for everyone, but often involves verbal or physical aggression towards other people, objects, or themselves, yelling, and crying. When an autistic person reaches the point where they’re having a meltdown, they are no longer in control of their body or their response.

Meltdowns can be unsafe for multiple reasons. The person having a meltdown might hurt themselves or someone else. Additionally, people who do not understand what a meltdown is or how to appropriately respond might calllaw enforcementto respond to “aggressive behavior.” This then puts the autistic person’s life at risk, especially if they’re Black, Indigenous, or a person of color.

Additionally, law enforcement has very little, if any, training in assisting autistic people, and those visits often result in more violence rather than getting any help for the person having a meltdown.

A meltdown is different from ashutdown, which autistic people can also experience as a result of overwhelm. Shutdowns involve withdrawal, which can include physically fleeing from an overwhelming situation or becoming unresponsive, losing speech, or otherwise disconnecting.

As noted previously, meltdowns are the result of overwhelm that becomes so intense that the autistic person can no longer tolerate their distress. Autistic people have increased sensory sensitivity partly due to neurobiological differences from non-autistics. In early development, our brains have more than 100 billionneurons.

As neurotypicals develop, their brains prune down to approximately 85 billion neurons. However, autistic individuals tend to have 67% more neurons than non-autistic individuals after the pruning occurs.As a result, autistic people literally experience things more intensely than non-autistics.

If one’s sensory needs are routinely unmet, one might disengage from those needs and be less aware of them to reduce the distress associated with the unmet needs. Unfortunately, when we are less in tune with ourneeds, we won’t realize we’re becoming overwhelmed until it is too late. For autistics with lower interoception, this can lead to meltdowns.

The Brain and Behavior in Psychology

Everyone’s sensory needs are unique, regardless of neurotype, and anything can be atriggerdepending on the individual’s history and sensory experience. Additionally, people can express emotions and distress differently. In fact, many autistic individuals express emotion in ways that do not appear typical. As such, there is not one handy list of meltdown warning signs.

If you are autistic, pay attention to signs that you are starting to struggle. If you support an autistic person, take note of behaviors occurring just before a meltdown.

Some common warning signs include:

Kevin, an autistic adult, shared that his meltdowns were overlooked in childhood due to his asthma: “As a child, my meltdowns were almost entirely missed, because the stress of them would trigger a massive asthma attack … That it concealed the meltdowns, even from me, is something I’ve had to realize. It’s the reason why, when I first realized I could be autistic I didn’t think I had meltdowns at all. Only looking back did I see it and realize why I am able to, if not control them entirely, at least be able to shut them down so quickly. Because I basically shut myself down.”

As a child, my meltdowns were almost entirely missed, because the stress of them would trigger a massive asthma attack … That it concealed the meltdowns, even from me, is something I’ve had to realize.—KEVIN

—KEVIN

Debra noted that warning signs for meltdowns can include “feeling extra hot, breathing more rapidly, feeling on the verge of tears, feeling absolutely miserable and misunderstood.”

The “Rumble Stage”

The rumble stage refers to the period before a meltdown during which the autistic person is showing signs of becoming overwhelmed but has not reached the point of a full meltdown yet. An individual who has entered the rumble stage is not guaranteed to have a meltdown, and the meltdown can still be prevented with appropriate support.

Cairns pointed out that the rumble stage can include similar indicators foranxiety, including “excessive nail biting,skin picking, pacing, problems with sleep, etc.” as well asself-medicationlike using alcohol or drugs. When someone is in the rumble stage, Cairns recommends “creating a low-stimulation environment” that allows the individual to self-regulate appropriately.

As an Autistic Therapist, Here Are 6 Things in My Sensory Bag That Just Make Sense

LM, an autistic adult, shared: “At first, my neurotypical partner could only see irrational outbursts that frightened him. He would ask me what was wrong and try to figure out what needed to be made better and make recommendations about what I should do to calm down. Like, What are you upset about and let’s fix that. This did not work, it just made me bottle up what I was feeling and I had to let it out somewhere else.”

At first, my neurotypical partner could only see irrational outbursts that frightened him. He would ask me what was wrong and try to figure out what needed to be made better and make recommendations about what I should do to calm down … This did not work, it just made me bottle up what I was feeling and I had to let it out somewhere else.—LM

—LM

However, as they began to better understand their needs, their partner was able to learn how to help them: “I tried to tell him in between times what would help, which is just to be with me and let me process it all the way through. And there was one instance where as I was melting down, I was able to quickly remind him what to do."

“And he sat beside me and listened to me rant and panic and hate myself and say my worst fears and he didn’t try to stop me or argue with me. He just held me (not in a way that was confining but was comforting). And my body processed it through and the calm came on my own. And I felt so much love for him and appreciation, and he saw how it could work instead of trying to prevent me from going the full cycle.”

Because meltdowns involve loss of control, it can be unproductive to try and stop a meltdown that has already begun. Chief, an autistic adult, shared: “I think firstly it’s important for the autistic person to recognize when they’re having a meltdown, and for their loved ones to give them time or space or whatever they need to get over it.” Give space tode-escalatesafely and at their own pace.

Another autistic adult, who asked to remain anonymous, shared: “I noticed I need people to not be in my face with talking/questions and not touch me/rub my arm or back or hug me unless I am calm enough to consent (and want that). I usually can’tcommunicatethis in the situation [it would be] best if they can remove me from the situation, leave people/noise/smells, lay me down in a darkened room, shield me from other people.”

Essentially, keep the autistic person safe, do not shame them, and regulate yourself to prevent further escalation.

Meltdowns are exhausting and draining. After a meltdown, the autistic person will need rest. It may be tempting to try and discuss what triggered the meltdown or address dangerous behavior that occurred during the meltdown, but the autistic person will unlikely be able to engage right after a meltdown. It is better to offer support.

In fact, Debra suggested “not bringing it up, ever, if I don’t bring it up.” Additionally, she recommends giving as much space as the autistic person needs.

Instead, give them space in an environment that fits their sensory needs. It can be helpful to work with them to create a sensory-safe space when they are not overwhelmed so that they can use the space following a meltdown.

Cairns says that you cansupport an autistic personafter a meltdown when you “listen, be present, and accept that this person handles life differently from you. They don’t necessarily want advice or for you to ‘fix it,' but rather, acceptance of where they are in the moment.”

Listen, be present, and accept that this person handles life differently from you. They don’t necessarily want advice or for you to ‘fix it,' but rather, acceptance of where they are in the moment.—ASHLEY CAIRNS

—ASHLEY CAIRNS

Unfortunately, traditional recommendations for supporting autistic people tend to emphasize the convenience of the people around the autistic person rather than the autistic person’s well-being. Many autistic people who received “treatment” in childhood recall essentially being taught to mask, or hide their autistic traits.

Appropriate mental health support for an autistic person who experiences meltdowns involves meeting sensory needs and developinghealthy self-regulation skillsto prevent the meltdown. This also includes healthy care and support after a meltdown rather than teaching the autistic person to pretend that their sensory needs do not exist.

If you are looking for a provider who understands appropriate ways tosupport an autistic person’s mental health, these directories can help you connect to someone with appropriate qualifications:

Autistic people deserve appropriate support that affirms their experience and allows them to live their best lives, rather than simply ignoring their needs for the convenience of the neurotypicals around them. With affirming and compassionate support, they can experience fewer meltdowns and receive appropriate care when meltdowns occur.

Understanding Autistic Burnout

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Courchesne E, Mouton PR, Calhoun ME, et al.Neuron number and size in prefrontal cortex of children with autism.JAMA. 2011;306(18):2001.DuBois D, Ameis SH, Lai M, Casanova MF, Desarkar P.Interoception in autism spectrum disorder: a review.Intl J of Devlp Neuroscience. 2016;52(1):104-111.Leaf, J. B., Creem, A. N., Bukszpan, A., Hickey, J., & Hillhouse, B. (2023).On the status and knowledge of camouflaging, masking, and compensatory behaviors in autism spectrum disorder.Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities,58(3), 283–298.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Courchesne E, Mouton PR, Calhoun ME, et al.Neuron number and size in prefrontal cortex of children with autism.JAMA. 2011;306(18):2001.DuBois D, Ameis SH, Lai M, Casanova MF, Desarkar P.Interoception in autism spectrum disorder: a review.Intl J of Devlp Neuroscience. 2016;52(1):104-111.Leaf, J. B., Creem, A. N., Bukszpan, A., Hickey, J., & Hillhouse, B. (2023).On the status and knowledge of camouflaging, masking, and compensatory behaviors in autism spectrum disorder.Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities,58(3), 283–298.

Courchesne E, Mouton PR, Calhoun ME, et al.Neuron number and size in prefrontal cortex of children with autism.JAMA. 2011;306(18):2001.DuBois D, Ameis SH, Lai M, Casanova MF, Desarkar P.Interoception in autism spectrum disorder: a review.Intl J of Devlp Neuroscience. 2016;52(1):104-111.Leaf, J. B., Creem, A. N., Bukszpan, A., Hickey, J., & Hillhouse, B. (2023).On the status and knowledge of camouflaging, masking, and compensatory behaviors in autism spectrum disorder.Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities,58(3), 283–298.

Courchesne E, Mouton PR, Calhoun ME, et al.Neuron number and size in prefrontal cortex of children with autism.JAMA. 2011;306(18):2001.

DuBois D, Ameis SH, Lai M, Casanova MF, Desarkar P.Interoception in autism spectrum disorder: a review.Intl J of Devlp Neuroscience. 2016;52(1):104-111.

Leaf, J. B., Creem, A. N., Bukszpan, A., Hickey, J., & Hillhouse, B. (2023).On the status and knowledge of camouflaging, masking, and compensatory behaviors in autism spectrum disorder.Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities,58(3), 283–298.

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The “Rumble Stage”#

The “Rumble Stage”