How to Mentally Prepare for Fatherhood, According to a Parenting Coach

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDo Your ResearchBe Actively Involved in the PregnancyAccept That Life Will ChangeReflect on Your ChildhoodPicture What Kind of Father You Want to BeDon’t Be Pressured By Gender RolesRemember, Parenting Isn’t Easy and It’s OK to Not Be OKBuild Your Support SystemFAQ

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Do Your Research

Be Actively Involved in the Pregnancy

Accept That Life Will Change

Reflect on Your Childhood

Picture What Kind of Father You Want to Be

Don’t Be Pressured By Gender Roles

Remember, Parenting Isn’t Easy and It’s OK to Not Be OK

Build Your Support System

FAQ

Finding out that you’re going to be a father can be life-changing, particularly if it’s your first time. Being a father is a very special role and you’re probably feeling excited, scared, and nervous all at the same time.

These feelings can be a little overwhelming but don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s very normal for people who are becoming fathers to feel anxious and uncertain, saysAlysha Price, a parenting coach and author of “It’s Not Complicated.”

While you may never feel completely “ready” to take on fatherhood, there are steps you can take to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Doing your research, staying actively involved in the pregnancy, and intentionally deciding what kind of father you want to be can help you be more prepared for fatherhood.

Many fathers don’t know what to expect when it comes to parenting and often fear the unknown.If you’re feeling a little lost, it can be helpful to do your research about pregnancy and parenting.

Whether you prefer reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, consulting experts, or attending classes, there’s lots of helpful information available for expecting parents.

Moreover, knowing what to expect during pregnancy, the birthing process and the early years of your child’s life can help you feel moreconfidentand prepared.

Being actively involved in the pregnancy can help you enjoy this time, connect with your partner, and support them through the process.

How to Get Involved in the Pregnancy

These are some of the ways you can be involved in the pregnancy:

Coping With the Stress Children Add to a Marriage

One of the scariest things about becoming a parent is that your life as you know it willchange. Parenting is a full-time responsibility that is very different from any other role you’ve ever had, such as being a son, brother, friend, student, or working professional.

So far, your needs, thoughts, and desires have taken center stage. However, all of that will change when you become a parent because you will be responsible for an infant who is dependent on you for everything.

Coming to terms with the fact that things will be different is not easy and may take some time. It can be helpful to write down your thoughts and fears in ajournal. You can also discuss them with loved ones or other parents, to ask them how they coped and how they balance parenting with other aspects of their lives.

If you’re wondering whether you will be able to cope with all the changes, it’s important to understand that as your life changes, you will also change. “Parenthood changes people. For some, becoming a father is their first real understanding ofunconditional love,” says Price.

As you get ready to be a parent, it can be helpful to reflect on your childhood. Thinking back on your memories as a child can help you relive the experience and connect with that part of yourself.

It can also be helpful to consider how your own upbringing has shaped the person you are today. Evaluating the caregiving influences in your life can help you decide what kind of parent you want to be to your child.

Being more conscious and intentional in your approach to fatherhood can help you develop a healthyparenting style.

It can be helpful to spend some time thinking about yourvaluesand what kind of father you want to be to your child. You can visualize yourself as a dad and picture yourself in different kinds of situations with your child.

For example, you can picture yourself holding your child for the first time, hearing them laugh, or holding their hand. You can also picture the less glamorous aspects of being a father, like feeding your child, bathing them, or changing their diaper. It may also be helpful to think of different challenges that may arise and how you would respond to them.

Visualizingthese scenarios can help you feel more mentally prepared for the role.

One of the hardest things about becoming a father is the unspoken expectation that the world puts on men to provide financially, says Price.

Being a father is about sharing all of your qualities with the child, not just the ability to earn a living. Fathers can be protectors, nurturers, teachers, and so much more.—ALYSHA PRICE, PARENTING COACH

Being a father is about sharing all of your qualities with the child, not just the ability to earn a living. Fathers can be protectors, nurturers, teachers, and so much more.

—ALYSHA PRICE, PARENTING COACH

Price recommends doing away with the narrative about what makes someone a man and the stigma surrounding people who don’t fit into stereotypicalgender roles. “Be willing to create a new vision and experience for your own family. It’s OK to do things your way.”

While parenting can be joyful and rewarding, it’s not always easy. The first year can be especially challenging as you’re exhausted, stressed out, sleep-deprived, and trying to take care of an infant.

While movies and social media can sometimes portray parents as perfect beings who have it all together, the reality is not always so. Some days may be a breeze and you may be able to do everything you intended to do. Other days can feel like an uphill struggle.

It’s important to keep your expectations realistic. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Practiceself-careand don’t neglect your physical and mental health.

It can be helpful to build your support system in advance, so you have help when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, and out of your depth.

It can be helpful to talk to:

Don’t be afraid to ask others for help or clarification. Ask as many questions as possible and be willing to accept help, says Price. “You can’t know everything and not knowing doesn’t make you less of a leader or provider.”

Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked QuestionsThere is no right age to become a father. It’s a very personal decision that depends on your circumstances and preferences. You should feel mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibilities of fatherhood. For many people, this happens between their mid-20s to mid-40s. The average age of fathers in the U.S. is 30.9 years old.Fatherhood can be a life-changing experience, because you learn to love and care for someone more than yourself.While parenthood can be a rewarding experience, it can also be emotionally, physically, and financially challenging. The hardest thing about becoming a parent is the overwhelming responsibility of caring for and nurturing another human being while coping with stress, exhaustion, self-doubt, and the need to find a balance between parental duties and other interests and responsibilities.

There is no right age to become a father. It’s a very personal decision that depends on your circumstances and preferences. You should feel mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibilities of fatherhood. For many people, this happens between their mid-20s to mid-40s. The average age of fathers in the U.S. is 30.9 years old.

Fatherhood can be a life-changing experience, because you learn to love and care for someone more than yourself.

While parenthood can be a rewarding experience, it can also be emotionally, physically, and financially challenging. The hardest thing about becoming a parent is the overwhelming responsibility of caring for and nurturing another human being while coping with stress, exhaustion, self-doubt, and the need to find a balance between parental duties and other interests and responsibilities.

What If I Regret Having Kids?

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baldwin S, Malone M, Sandall J, Bick D.Mental health and wellbeing during the transition to fatherhood: a systematic review of first time fathers' experiences.JBI Database System Rev Implement Rep. 2018;16(11):2118-2191. doi:10.11124/JBISRIR-2017-003773Scarff JR.Postpartum depression in men.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2019;16(5-6):11-14.Khandwala YS, Zhang CA, Lu Y, Eisenberg ML.The age of fathers in the USA is rising: an analysis of 168 867 480 births from 1972 to 2015.Hum Reprod. 2017;32(10):2110-2116. doi:10.1093/humrep/dex267

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baldwin S, Malone M, Sandall J, Bick D.Mental health and wellbeing during the transition to fatherhood: a systematic review of first time fathers' experiences.JBI Database System Rev Implement Rep. 2018;16(11):2118-2191. doi:10.11124/JBISRIR-2017-003773Scarff JR.Postpartum depression in men.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2019;16(5-6):11-14.Khandwala YS, Zhang CA, Lu Y, Eisenberg ML.The age of fathers in the USA is rising: an analysis of 168 867 480 births from 1972 to 2015.Hum Reprod. 2017;32(10):2110-2116. doi:10.1093/humrep/dex267

Baldwin S, Malone M, Sandall J, Bick D.Mental health and wellbeing during the transition to fatherhood: a systematic review of first time fathers' experiences.JBI Database System Rev Implement Rep. 2018;16(11):2118-2191. doi:10.11124/JBISRIR-2017-003773Scarff JR.Postpartum depression in men.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2019;16(5-6):11-14.Khandwala YS, Zhang CA, Lu Y, Eisenberg ML.The age of fathers in the USA is rising: an analysis of 168 867 480 births from 1972 to 2015.Hum Reprod. 2017;32(10):2110-2116. doi:10.1093/humrep/dex267

Scarff JR.Postpartum depression in men.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2019;16(5-6):11-14.

Khandwala YS, Zhang CA, Lu Y, Eisenberg ML.The age of fathers in the USA is rising: an analysis of 168 867 480 births from 1972 to 2015.Hum Reprod. 2017;32(10):2110-2116. doi:10.1093/humrep/dex267

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How to Get Involved in the Pregnancy#

Frequently Asked Questions#

How to Get Involved in the Pregnancy

Frequently Asked Questions