How to Master Your Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Are the 7 Elements of Negotiation?Negotiation TechniquesStrategies for Handling Tough NegotiationsExamples of Successful Negotiations

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Are the 7 Elements of Negotiation?

Negotiation Techniques

Strategies for Handling Tough Negotiations

Examples of Successful Negotiations

Solid negotiation skills can be the key to getting what you want, whether you’re asking for a raise, closing a deal, or deciding where to eat dinner during a night out with friends. If you want to be able to assert your needs and reach an agreement with others, learning how to negotiate better can help you get the most out of your bargaining experiences.

Negotiation skills involve more than just presenting your argument well. It also requires effective listening. No matter where you are in the negotiation process, taking the time to listen to what the other side is saying can help strengthen your position.

“Listening is a critical skill when considering negotiation,” saysJamie Levin, a strategic communications consultant. “Skilled negotiators do a lot more than just talk, they listen so they’re able to address the concerns or the requirements being recognized.”

At a GlanceNegotiation involves a dialogue in which two or more people work to find common ground, come to an agreement, resolve an issue, or make promises to one another. The goal for each party is to make the agreement work to their advantage, but very often, the focus is on resolving the disagreement in a way that satisfies each person’s needs and interests.Building effective negotiation skills can help you avoid conflict and get what you want more often, while also protecting your relationships. Negotiating is inherently confrontational, and can be uncomfortable for many of us, but the more you practice and hone these skills, the better off you will be when the time comes to advocate for yourself.

At a Glance

Negotiation involves a dialogue in which two or more people work to find common ground, come to an agreement, resolve an issue, or make promises to one another. The goal for each party is to make the agreement work to their advantage, but very often, the focus is on resolving the disagreement in a way that satisfies each person’s needs and interests.Building effective negotiation skills can help you avoid conflict and get what you want more often, while also protecting your relationships. Negotiating is inherently confrontational, and can be uncomfortable for many of us, but the more you practice and hone these skills, the better off you will be when the time comes to advocate for yourself.

Negotiation is complex, and every situation is different. However, there are seven key elements that are often identified as being critical to the process:

Interests

Whenever you are negotiating, the first step is to understand the interests of everyone involved. This includes understanding what they are asking for and identifying their underlying motivations and concerns.

Effective listening allows for understanding. By actively listening, one can often better understand the reasons behind the opposing party’s perspective and provide an opportunity to respond to and, in many cases, address their concerns.—JAMIE LEVIN, STRATEGIC COMMUNICATIONS CONSULTANT

—JAMIE LEVIN, STRATEGIC COMMUNICATIONS CONSULTANT

Alternatives

Another key part of negotiating is being aware of the alternatives. In other words, what will you do if the negotiation doesn’t work out?

For example, if you try negotiating a raise but can’t reach an agreement, the alternative might be looking for a higher-paying job or recommending other potential benefits in lieu of a raise. Knowing this in advance can help you recognize when to compromise and when to consider walking away.

Options

During the negotiation process, laying out all the acceptable options is important. Some options may be better for you, while others benefit the other party. Understanding these options can help you reach a mutually satisfying agreement more readily.

Legitimacy

Negotiation isn’t just about getting what you want; it’s also about ensuring the proposed agreements are fair and justified for everyone involved. Factors you might consider include moral values, legal aspects, and societal norms.

Negotiations are a lot more likely to fail if one of you feels like you aren’t being treated fairly. If, for example, your request for a raise is way out of line with your production and the going rate for your position, it may be difficult to state a reasonable case.

Communication

Communication is perhaps the most vital of all the negotiation skills in your arsenal. “Without effective listening, you cannot be a skilled negotiator,” Levin says.

This doesn’t just include what you say; it also encompasses yournon-verbal communicationandbody language. It also involves listening to what the other side has to say.

Relationships

Trustand rapport are key negotiation skills that can make reaching a mutual agreement much easier. Negotiating well can help you find common ground and foster positive relationships. This can be particularly important when you will be working together and cooperating on current and future projects. If a negotiation turns sour and harms the relationship, it may be difficult to come back from.

Once again, listening is key to building this trust. “Listening allows both parties to establish, or further reinforce, a level of trust that is imperative when trying to come to a mutual agreement,” Levin explains.

Commitment

Once you’ve reached an agreement, both parties must commit to the terms you’ve laid out. Ensure your terms are clear and detailed to increase the likelihood that the plan will be implemented successfully. Address any of your concerns now to avoid future confusion or problems.

Other Factors That Play a RoleResearch has found that a number of variables are associated with negotiation effectiveness, including age,mindfulness, and personality characteristics. People who are moreextroverted,open, andconscientiousare more likely to be effective negotiators.

Other Factors That Play a Role

Research has found that a number of variables are associated with negotiation effectiveness, including age,mindfulness, and personality characteristics. People who are moreextroverted,open, andconscientiousare more likely to be effective negotiators.

Negotiation skills are varied and complex, since the process is so dynamic and multifaceted. No two people or situations are exactly the same, so the skills and strategies you’ll need can vary.

However, there are certain skills and techniques that negotiation experts often recommend.

What Are the 3 P’s of Negotiation?

Three of these techniques are skills that focus on preparation, probing during the process, and proposing your solution.

Prepare

You should always go into a negotiation prepared and ready. Understand what you want, what the other person wants, the potential alternatives, and any challenges or obstacles you might face.

You’re more likely to make well-reasoned, informed decisions if you walk into a negotiation well-prepared.

Listening is also crucial at this stage. “Listening to others allows us to strategize when considering the best approach for first approaching the negation as well as the duration,” Levin explains.

Probe

During the negotiation, it is crucial to probe for other information that might influence the process and outcome. This means asking questions about things like whether they are giving you the best possible offer and how their offer compares to what others might be able to provide.

Active listeningis crucial during this stage. You’re not just listening to respond, you want to show that you are focused and understand what they have to say.Use attentive body language, make good eye contact, and ask reflective questions to show you are listening.

“Watch nonverbal cues such as body language for cues from all parties involved in the negotiation,” Levin suggests.

Propose

The success of your negotiation often hinges on how you propose a possible solution. As you present your idea, focus on the facts of the situation and allow room for compromise. While you might present your “ideal” outcome, it’s important to recognize that you are willing to make concessions to make the deal happen.

And after you’ve reached a satisfying conclusion, try to end on a positive note. Outline the specific terms so that both people are pleased and can continue to work on building a positive relationship.

What Are the 4 C’s of Negotiation?

Other negotiation skills are sometimes collectively known as the “four C’s” of negotiation.

Focus on making your message and needs clear during the negotiation process. Being straightforward ensures that other people know what you want and eliminates the risk of misunderstandings.

Calm

Even if the negotiations are frustrating, keeping your cool is important. Avoid losing your temper or letting your emotions affect your judgment. Instead, focus on the facts of the situation.

If things get too heated or you need some time to consider your approach, ask for a break to clear your head and regain your composure.

Collaborate

Negotiations are often most effective when people are willing to work together to reach the best possible solution. This might mean looking at the options and figuring out which options help both of you achieve your goals.

This might be makingreciprocal offers; if they agree to something, you may need to make concessions or offer something in return. If negotiations seem stalled, ask the other person how to make your offer more acceptable.

Compromise

You probably won’t get every single thing you want out of a negotiation. Knowing how and when tocompromiseis a critical negotiation skill.

Negotiations can sometimes get tricky, particularly if they are high stakes or if both sides have very different needs. If you are dealing with a tough negotiation, it’s essential to approach the situation with the right planning. Some tactics that might help get you through it successfully include:

Be Prepared

Do background research so you understand all of the options and are able to anticipate the arguments the other person might make.

Define Your Objectives

“Oftentimes, there are tools we can use to compromise along the way that will support us in reaching our ultimate goals and knowing these ahead of time are important tools in the toolbox of negotiation,” she explains.

Look for Common Ground

Even if it seems like you are miles apart, try to look for any shared goals. Understanding what you have in common can serve as a basis for reaching a final agreement.

“You may have more in common than you think when it comes to your perspective,” Levin notes. “Active listening allows you to identify common ground.”

Keep Emotions in Check

High levels of emotional intelligence are associated with more effective negotiation abilities.Emotional intelligence isn’t just about understanding emotions; it’s also about being able toregulate them.

Jamie Levin, strategic communications consultantListen to the perspective of all parties involved without reacting emotionally. Show interest in their perspective first before presenting your side.

Jamie Levin, strategic communications consultant

Listen to the perspective of all parties involved without reacting emotionally. Show interest in their perspective first before presenting your side.

Stay Flexible

Even though you have a clear objective in mind, be willing to consider other solutions along the way. You may need to adapt how you approach the situation as you negotiate, or you might recognize that a creative solution could satisfy both of your needs.

Seek a Neutral Opinion

If you are really struggling and neither of you seem willing to budge, consider bringing in a neutral third party to help mediate or facilitate the conversation.

Successful negotiations can often mean the difference between reaching your goals and remaining stuck in place. Some examples of how successful negotiations can help move you forward in different areas of your life include:

Negotiating a Salary

You might negotiate with your new employer to get a higher starting salary when starting a new job. You could first research industry standards to determine what other companies offer. During negotiations, you would then highlight your achievements and skills.

Take care not to burn any bridges during this process, especially with people you will have to continue working with after negotiations are over. For example, don’t threaten to take a competing job offer if you aren’t actually prepared to do it—and don’t invent a job offer that doesn’t exist. Negotiating in bad faith can harm the relationship.

Purchasing a Home

When purchasing a new home, you might negotiate with the sellers to agree on a price and other acceptable terms to both parties. For example, you might present information about local sales trends and the property’s condition to help secure a better price.

Have a clear goal in mind, as well as a maximum you are willing to spend. This kind of preparation can help you make decisions in the event that negotiations become complicated, or your desire to “win” the negotiation overrides other considerations.

Where to Eat Dinner

Lower-stakes negotiations like this can be a good way to practice your communication skills for when more important negotiations come along.

Takeaway

Conflict is part of life, but knowing how to negotiate effectively can often be the key to resolving it successfully. Good negotiation skills help ensure you get the things you want while maintaining positive, healthy relationships with others.

Going into a negotiation prepared and knowing what you want is essential. However, it’s also important to listen and stay flexible. Practicing these skills and being able to adapt them based on the situation can help you get the most out of your negotiating experiences.

Psychological Persuasion Techniques

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pérez-Yus MC, Ayllón-Negrillo E, Delsignore G, Magallón-Botaya R, Aguilar-Latorre A, Oliván Blázquez B.Variables associated with negotiation effectiveness: The role of mindfulness.Front Psychol. 2020;11:1214. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01214Fisher R, Ury W, Patton B.Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. 3rd ed., rev. ed. Penguin; 2011.Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Kim K, Cundiff NL, Choi SB.Erratum to: emotional intelligence and negotiation outcomes: mediating effects of rapport, negotiation strategy, and judgment accuracy.Group Decis Negot. 2015;24(3):495-495. doi:10.1007/s10726-015-9435-9Preuss M, van der Wijst P.A phase-specific analysis of negotiation styles.Journal of Business & Industrial Marketing. 2017;32(4):505-518.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pérez-Yus MC, Ayllón-Negrillo E, Delsignore G, Magallón-Botaya R, Aguilar-Latorre A, Oliván Blázquez B.Variables associated with negotiation effectiveness: The role of mindfulness.Front Psychol. 2020;11:1214. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01214Fisher R, Ury W, Patton B.Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. 3rd ed., rev. ed. Penguin; 2011.Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Kim K, Cundiff NL, Choi SB.Erratum to: emotional intelligence and negotiation outcomes: mediating effects of rapport, negotiation strategy, and judgment accuracy.Group Decis Negot. 2015;24(3):495-495. doi:10.1007/s10726-015-9435-9Preuss M, van der Wijst P.A phase-specific analysis of negotiation styles.Journal of Business & Industrial Marketing. 2017;32(4):505-518.

Pérez-Yus MC, Ayllón-Negrillo E, Delsignore G, Magallón-Botaya R, Aguilar-Latorre A, Oliván Blázquez B.Variables associated with negotiation effectiveness: The role of mindfulness.Front Psychol. 2020;11:1214. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01214Fisher R, Ury W, Patton B.Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. 3rd ed., rev. ed. Penguin; 2011.Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123Kim K, Cundiff NL, Choi SB.Erratum to: emotional intelligence and negotiation outcomes: mediating effects of rapport, negotiation strategy, and judgment accuracy.Group Decis Negot. 2015;24(3):495-495. doi:10.1007/s10726-015-9435-9Preuss M, van der Wijst P.A phase-specific analysis of negotiation styles.Journal of Business & Industrial Marketing. 2017;32(4):505-518.

Fisher R, Ury W, Patton B.Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. 3rd ed., rev. ed. Penguin; 2011.

Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123

Kim K, Cundiff NL, Choi SB.Erratum to: emotional intelligence and negotiation outcomes: mediating effects of rapport, negotiation strategy, and judgment accuracy.Group Decis Negot. 2015;24(3):495-495. doi:10.1007/s10726-015-9435-9

Preuss M, van der Wijst P.A phase-specific analysis of negotiation styles.Journal of Business & Industrial Marketing. 2017;32(4):505-518.

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At a Glance#

Interests#

Alternatives#

Options#

Legitimacy#

Communication#

Relationships#

Commitment#

Other Factors That Play a Role#

What Are the 3 P’s of Negotiation?#

What Are the 4 C’s of Negotiation?#

Be Prepared#

Define Your Objectives#

Look for Common Ground#

Keep Emotions in Check#

Jamie Levin, strategic communications consultant#

Stay Flexible#

Seek a Neutral Opinion#

Negotiating a Salary#

Purchasing a Home#

Where to Eat Dinner#

Takeaway#