How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsAssessing Relationship HealthSigns of Healthy RelationshipsSigns of Potential IssuesAre You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the QuizImproving Relationship HealthWhen to Seek HelpFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Assessing Relationship Health

Signs of Healthy Relationships

Signs of Potential Issues

Are You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the Quiz

Improving Relationship Health

When to Seek Help

Frequently Asked Questions

Research has consistently shown that good social relationships arecritical for optimal health, both mentally and physically. Studies have found that people with healthy relationships are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors and tend to have better health outcomes.They also often enjoy a longer life.

Learn some of the characteristics of healthy relationships, along with signs that suggest poor relationship health. We also share several steps you can take to create healthier relationships in your life.

Questions to Assess Relationship Health

No relationship is perfect, each having a mix of healthy and unhealthy characteristics. While people often spend a lot of time talking abouthow to spot an unhealthy relationship, they don’t necessarily discuss what constitutes a healthy one.

When assessing the health of your relationship, it’s helpful to ask yourself questions such as these:

Every person has differentrelationship needs. Some have higher needs for openness and affection than others, for example. In healthy relationships, each person’s needs are met.

Get to Know Someone Better Through These 50 Questions

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

While all relationships are unique in their own way, there are some characteristics that differentiatea healthy interpersonal connectionfrom an unhealthy one. Here are several to consider.

Trust

If your past relationships have been secure, stable, and trusting, you are more likely to trust people in future relationships. If, however, your past relationships were unstable and undependable, you may have towork through trust issuesgoing forward.

If you feel that you have to hide things from the other person, it may be because you lack this essential trust.

Openness and Self-Disclosure

Another characteristic of healthy relationships is feeling able to be yourself. While different couples have varying levels ofopenness and self-disclosure—the latter of which refers to what you are willing to share about yourself with another person—you should never feel like you have to hide aspects of yourself or change who you are.

At the beginning of a relationship, you may hold back and exercise more caution about what you’re willing to reveal. Over time, as the intimacy of a relationship increases, partners begin to reveal more of their thoughts, opinions, beliefs, interests, and memories to one another.

Being open with each other helps you feel more connected as a couple while fostering greater trust. Self-disclosure can furtherenhance trust in your relationship.

One study found that when people are unhappy with their partner’s level of openness, they typically discuss the issue with their partner.This is a good example of how addressing a problem openly can help strengthen a relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you must share every single thing with your partner. Each individual has their own privacy and space boundaries. What matters most is whether each partner feels comfortable sharing their hopes, fears, and feelings if they so choose.

Why Self-Disclosure Is Important In Relationships

Healthy Boundaries

Although your partner may have different needs than you, it’s important to find ways to compromise whilemaintaining your boundaries. Boundaries are not about secrecy. Instead, they establish that each person has their own needs and expectations.

Healthy boundaries are unique to each individual and each couple. They establish what you will and will not accept in your relationship. Examples of healthy boundaries include agreeing not to go through each other’s phones, giving each other the time and space to have friendships outside of the marriage, and respecting each other’s personal space.

A partner with unhealthy expectations of openness and honesty might expect to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times. They may also restrict who you can spend time with or demand access to your personal social media accounts.

Mutual Respect

In close, healthy relationships, people have ashared level of respect. They don’t demean or belittle one another and offer support and security.

There are a number of different ways that couples canshow respectfor one another. These include:

Love and Affection

The initial passion that marks the start of a new relationship tends to decline over time.Even though intense feelings early on eventually return to normal levels, couples in healthy relationships are able tobuild progressively deeper intimacyas the relationship progresses.

It is important to remember that physical needs are different for each individual. There is no right amount of affection or intimacy that applies to everyone. The key to a healthy relationship is that both partners are content with the level of affection they share.

Compassionate and Passionate Love

Good Communication

Healthy, long-lasting relationships—whether friendships or romantic partnerships—requirethe ability to communicate well. Being able to communicate doesn’t mean having no conflicts. It means being able to resolve differences of opinion effectively.

When conflicts do arise, those in healthy relationships are able to avoid personal attacks. They remain respectful and empathetic of their partner as they discuss their thoughts and feelings andwork toward a resolution.

Sometimes conflict can even be an opportunity to strengthen a connection with your partner. Research has shown that conflict can be beneficial in intimate relationships when serious problems need to be addressed, allowing partners to make changes that benefit the future of the relationship.

Give-and-Take

This also doesn’t mean that the give-and-take in a relationship is always 100% equal. At times, one partner may need more help and support. In other cases, one partner may simply prefer to take more of a caregiver role. Such imbalance is fine as long as each person is okay with the dynamic and both partners are getting the support they need.

RecapCharacteristics of healthy relationships include trust, openness, boundaries, respect, affection, communication, and mutual give-and-take.

Recap

Characteristics of healthy relationships include trust, openness, boundaries, respect, affection, communication, and mutual give-and-take.

Signs of Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships can change and not every relationship is healthy all the time. A relationship is unhealthy when the bad outweighs the good or when certain behaviors are harmful to one or both individuals. Times of stress, in particular, can lead to behaviors and coping mechanisms that create issues.

Signs of poor relationship health include:

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you’ve got questions about your relationship, ourfast and free quizcan help you better understand if your partnership is rock solid or if it could use some work.

How to Build Healthier Relationships

Toxic behaviorsare often a sign that an unhealthy relationship should end. For other issues, there are many ways to fix weaknesses and build a healthier relationship.

Commit to the Work

Relationships take work—on both your parts. If you’re the only one who is trying to make things better, it leads to aone-sided relationship. This type of scenario can leave you feeling stressed, resentful, and emotionally exhausted.

Each person must be willing to do their part to maintain the connection and remedy issues that may exist. Commit to each other that you’ll do the work to build a stronger partnership.

Show Appreciation

Couples whofeel gratitudefor one another often experience greater closeness and personal well-being.Finding ways to express this gratitude is also important.

One study found that showing gratitude to a partner can improve the relationship, especially when the gratitude is genuinely given.A different piece of research notes that feeling gratitude from a partner helps protect the relationship, even during times of conflict andfinancial strain.

Ways to show a partner that you appreciate them include:

Keep Things Interesting

Keeping up with the daily grind of work and kids can cause couples to fall into the same old routine. Over time, this can make youfeel bored in your relationship, also making you less likely to engage in activities with one another.

What are some things that you can do to keep the romance alive over the long term?

How Routines Can Improve Your Relationships

When to Seek Relationship Help

All relationships have their bumps in the road. Conflicts over finances, challenges of parenting, and other differences can all create ups and downs in a long-term relationship. Even if you and your partner have a healthy relationship most of the time, problems might sometimes arise that could benefit from professional help.

If you feel like your relationship may benefit from outside help, consider talking to a counselor or therapist.Finding a mental health professionalskilled in addressing interpersonal and relationship issues can help you both learn to communicate and cope with some of the issues that you might find challenging.

Working with a couples therapistcan be a helpful way to address issues that you might be having in your relationship.

It’s important to remember that you can’t force someone to change their behavior unless they want to. If your partner is not interested in or willing to go counseling, you can always go on your own and focus on your own needs and wellness. Work on building yoursocial support systemoutside of the relationship and consider ending the relationship if it is ultimately unhealthy.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

An Overview of Relationship Counseling

A Word From Verywell

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Frequently Asked QuestionsOne reason you might be unhappy in your relationship is that you have different beliefs, values, or goals than your partner. Feeling like you are being held back from accomplishing your goals or like you need to change your partner can also contribute to unhappiness.Learn More:What to Do If You’re In an Unhappy RelationshipInfidelity can have a range of causes. Some common reasons people cheat include poor communication within their relationship, being mad at a partner’s behavior, having a higher sex drive, wanting more love and intimacy, and seeking greater autonomy.Learn More:Reasons Why Married People Cheat

One reason you might be unhappy in your relationship is that you have different beliefs, values, or goals than your partner. Feeling like you are being held back from accomplishing your goals or like you need to change your partner can also contribute to unhappiness.Learn More:What to Do If You’re In an Unhappy Relationship

Learn More:What to Do If You’re In an Unhappy Relationship

Infidelity can have a range of causes. Some common reasons people cheat include poor communication within their relationship, being mad at a partner’s behavior, having a higher sex drive, wanting more love and intimacy, and seeking greater autonomy.Learn More:Reasons Why Married People Cheat

Learn More:Reasons Why Married People Cheat

13 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Antonucci TC, Ajrouch KJ, Birditt KS.The convoy model: Explaining social relations from a multidisciplinary perspective.Gerentol. 2014;54(1):82-92. doi:10.1093/geront/gnt118Yang YC, Boen C, Gerken K, Mullan Harris K.Social relationships and physiological determinants of longevity across the human life span.PNAS. 2016;113(3):578-583. doi:10.1073/pnas.1511085112Campbell L, Stanton SC.Adult attachment and trust in romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2019;25:148-151. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.08.004Spence PR, Lin X, Lachlan KA, Hutter E.Listen up, I’ve done this before: The impact of self-disclosure on source credibility and risk message responses.Progress Disaster Sci. 2020;7:100108. doi:10.1016/j.pdisas.2020.100108Thompson CM, Vangelisti AL.What happens when the standard for openness goes unmet in romantic relationships? Analyses of stress, coping, and relational consequences.J Soc Pers Relat.2016;33:320-343. doi:10.1177/0265407515574468Muise A, Harasymchuk C, Day L, Bacev-Giles C, Gere J, Impett E.Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2019;116(2):237-258. doi:10.1037/pspi0000148Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002Cleveland Clinic.How do you know you’re in a one-sided relationship?Chopik WJ, Newton NJ, Ryan LH, Kashdan TB, Jarden AJ.Gratitude across the life span: Age differences and links to subjective well-being.J Posit Psychol. 2019;14(3):292-302. doi:10.1080/17439760.2017.1414296Algoe SB, Zhaoyang R.Positive psychology in context: Effects of expressing gratitude in ongoing relationships depend on perceptions of enactor responsiveness.J Posit Psychol. 2016;11(4):399-415. doi:10.1080/17439760.2015.1117131Barton A, Jenkins A, Gong Q, Sutton N, Beach S.The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples.J Soc Person Relation. 2023;40(5):1622-1644. doi:10.1177/02654075221131288Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.J Soc Person Relation. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Rokach A, Chan SH.Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023;20(5):3904. doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904

13 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Antonucci TC, Ajrouch KJ, Birditt KS.The convoy model: Explaining social relations from a multidisciplinary perspective.Gerentol. 2014;54(1):82-92. doi:10.1093/geront/gnt118Yang YC, Boen C, Gerken K, Mullan Harris K.Social relationships and physiological determinants of longevity across the human life span.PNAS. 2016;113(3):578-583. doi:10.1073/pnas.1511085112Campbell L, Stanton SC.Adult attachment and trust in romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2019;25:148-151. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.08.004Spence PR, Lin X, Lachlan KA, Hutter E.Listen up, I’ve done this before: The impact of self-disclosure on source credibility and risk message responses.Progress Disaster Sci. 2020;7:100108. doi:10.1016/j.pdisas.2020.100108Thompson CM, Vangelisti AL.What happens when the standard for openness goes unmet in romantic relationships? Analyses of stress, coping, and relational consequences.J Soc Pers Relat.2016;33:320-343. doi:10.1177/0265407515574468Muise A, Harasymchuk C, Day L, Bacev-Giles C, Gere J, Impett E.Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2019;116(2):237-258. doi:10.1037/pspi0000148Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002Cleveland Clinic.How do you know you’re in a one-sided relationship?Chopik WJ, Newton NJ, Ryan LH, Kashdan TB, Jarden AJ.Gratitude across the life span: Age differences and links to subjective well-being.J Posit Psychol. 2019;14(3):292-302. doi:10.1080/17439760.2017.1414296Algoe SB, Zhaoyang R.Positive psychology in context: Effects of expressing gratitude in ongoing relationships depend on perceptions of enactor responsiveness.J Posit Psychol. 2016;11(4):399-415. doi:10.1080/17439760.2015.1117131Barton A, Jenkins A, Gong Q, Sutton N, Beach S.The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples.J Soc Person Relation. 2023;40(5):1622-1644. doi:10.1177/02654075221131288Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.J Soc Person Relation. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Rokach A, Chan SH.Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023;20(5):3904. doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904

Antonucci TC, Ajrouch KJ, Birditt KS.The convoy model: Explaining social relations from a multidisciplinary perspective.Gerentol. 2014;54(1):82-92. doi:10.1093/geront/gnt118Yang YC, Boen C, Gerken K, Mullan Harris K.Social relationships and physiological determinants of longevity across the human life span.PNAS. 2016;113(3):578-583. doi:10.1073/pnas.1511085112Campbell L, Stanton SC.Adult attachment and trust in romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2019;25:148-151. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.08.004Spence PR, Lin X, Lachlan KA, Hutter E.Listen up, I’ve done this before: The impact of self-disclosure on source credibility and risk message responses.Progress Disaster Sci. 2020;7:100108. doi:10.1016/j.pdisas.2020.100108Thompson CM, Vangelisti AL.What happens when the standard for openness goes unmet in romantic relationships? Analyses of stress, coping, and relational consequences.J Soc Pers Relat.2016;33:320-343. doi:10.1177/0265407515574468Muise A, Harasymchuk C, Day L, Bacev-Giles C, Gere J, Impett E.Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2019;116(2):237-258. doi:10.1037/pspi0000148Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002Cleveland Clinic.How do you know you’re in a one-sided relationship?Chopik WJ, Newton NJ, Ryan LH, Kashdan TB, Jarden AJ.Gratitude across the life span: Age differences and links to subjective well-being.J Posit Psychol. 2019;14(3):292-302. doi:10.1080/17439760.2017.1414296Algoe SB, Zhaoyang R.Positive psychology in context: Effects of expressing gratitude in ongoing relationships depend on perceptions of enactor responsiveness.J Posit Psychol. 2016;11(4):399-415. doi:10.1080/17439760.2015.1117131Barton A, Jenkins A, Gong Q, Sutton N, Beach S.The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples.J Soc Person Relation. 2023;40(5):1622-1644. doi:10.1177/02654075221131288Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.J Soc Person Relation. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Rokach A, Chan SH.Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023;20(5):3904. doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904

Antonucci TC, Ajrouch KJ, Birditt KS.The convoy model: Explaining social relations from a multidisciplinary perspective.Gerentol. 2014;54(1):82-92. doi:10.1093/geront/gnt118

Yang YC, Boen C, Gerken K, Mullan Harris K.Social relationships and physiological determinants of longevity across the human life span.PNAS. 2016;113(3):578-583. doi:10.1073/pnas.1511085112

Campbell L, Stanton SC.Adult attachment and trust in romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2019;25:148-151. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.08.004

Spence PR, Lin X, Lachlan KA, Hutter E.Listen up, I’ve done this before: The impact of self-disclosure on source credibility and risk message responses.Progress Disaster Sci. 2020;7:100108. doi:10.1016/j.pdisas.2020.100108

Thompson CM, Vangelisti AL.What happens when the standard for openness goes unmet in romantic relationships? Analyses of stress, coping, and relational consequences.J Soc Pers Relat.2016;33:320-343. doi:10.1177/0265407515574468

Muise A, Harasymchuk C, Day L, Bacev-Giles C, Gere J, Impett E.Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2019;116(2):237-258. doi:10.1037/pspi0000148

Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002

Cleveland Clinic.How do you know you’re in a one-sided relationship?

Chopik WJ, Newton NJ, Ryan LH, Kashdan TB, Jarden AJ.Gratitude across the life span: Age differences and links to subjective well-being.J Posit Psychol. 2019;14(3):292-302. doi:10.1080/17439760.2017.1414296

Algoe SB, Zhaoyang R.Positive psychology in context: Effects of expressing gratitude in ongoing relationships depend on perceptions of enactor responsiveness.J Posit Psychol. 2016;11(4):399-415. doi:10.1080/17439760.2015.1117131

Barton A, Jenkins A, Gong Q, Sutton N, Beach S.The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples.J Soc Person Relation. 2023;40(5):1622-1644. doi:10.1177/02654075221131288

Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.J Soc Person Relation. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216

Rokach A, Chan SH.Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2023;20(5):3904. doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904

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Questions to Assess Relationship Health#

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships#

Trust#

Openness and Self-Disclosure#

Healthy Boundaries#

Mutual Respect#

Love and Affection#

Good Communication#

Give-and-Take#

Recap#

Signs of Unhealthy Relationships#

How to Build Healthier Relationships#

Commit to the Work#

Show Appreciation#

Keep Things Interesting#

When to Seek Relationship Help#

A Word From Verywell#

Get Help Now#