Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsTypesImpactCoping TipsWhat Doesn’t WorkHealing
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Signs
Types
Impact
Coping Tips
What Doesn’t Work
Healing
In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person’sself-esteemand undermine theirmental health.
Either way, emotional abuse can chip away at your self-esteem, and you can begin to doubt your perceptions and reality. In the end, you may feel trapped. Emotionally abused people are often too wounded to endure the relationship any longer, but alsotoo afraid to leave. So, the cycle repeats itself until something is done.
Press Play for Advice on Setting Boundaries
Signs of Emotional Abuse
There are several red flags of emotional abuse. Keep in mind that even if your partner, parent, co-worker, or friend only does a handful of these things versus doing them all, your relationship with them is still emotionally abusive.
When considering your relationship, also remember that emotional abuse is often subtle. As a result, it can be extremely hard to detect the signs. If you are having trouble discerning whether your relationship is abusive, think about how your interactions make you feel.
If you feel wounded,frustrated, confused, misunderstood,depressed,anxious, orworthlessany time you interact with the other person, chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive.
Also, don’t fall into the trap of telling yourself that “it’s not that bad” and minimize the other person’s behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, including you. Realizing this can help you stop the emotional abuse cycle.
Unrealistic Expectations
One sign of emotional abuse is if the other person places unrealistic expectations on you. Examples of this include:
Invalidates You
Another sign that someone may be emotionally abusive is if they invalidate you. Some examples of invalidation include:
Childhood Invalidation and Borderline Personality Disorder
Creates Chaos
Emotionally abusive people also tend to create chaos. Some examples of this red flag include:
Uses Emotional Blackmail
If someone tries to use your emotions against you, this is a sign of emotional abuse. Examples of emotional blackmail include:
Acts Superior
People who are emotionally abusive often act superior and entitled. Things to look for when considering whether the person in your life exhibits this sign of emotional abuse include:
Controls and Isolates You
Emotionally abusive people will attempt to isolate and control you. Some examples of this form of emotional abuse include:
Types of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can take several different forms, including:
Your relationship may appear to be normal and loving at the start, with these types of emotional abuse being employed later (as the relationship progresses) in an attempt to begin to manipulate and control you.They may begin so slowly that you may not even notice them at first.
Emotional Abuse vs. Normal ConflictConflictis a normal part of a relationship. However, if during the conflict with the other person you feel as if you are being bullied, disrespected, belittled, insulted, or dismissed, these are signs that it may have crossed the line into emotional abuse.
Emotional Abuse vs. Normal Conflict
Conflictis a normal part of a relationship. However, if during the conflict with the other person you feel as if you are being bullied, disrespected, belittled, insulted, or dismissed, these are signs that it may have crossed the line into emotional abuse.
Impact of Emotional Abuse
Research indicates that the consequences of emotional abuse are just as severe as those ofphysical abuse.Except, instead of physical marks and bruises, your wounds are invisible to others—hidden in the self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-loathing you may feel.
When emotional abuse is severe and ongoing, you can lose your entire sense of self. Over time, the accusations, verbal abuse, name-calling, criticisms, and gaslighting can erode your sense of self so much that you can no longer see yourself realistically.
Consequently, you may begin to agree with the abuser and become internally critical. Once this happens, you become trapped in the abusive relationship, believing that you will never be good enough for anyone else. Eventually, you may pull back from friendships and isolate yourself, convinced that no one likes you.
Emotional abuse can impact friendships because emotionally abused people often worry about how people see them and if they truly like them.
What’s more, emotional abuse can cause a number of health problems.Mental health effectsof abuse include depression, anxiety, and sometimes the development of aneating disorder. Being abused emotionally can also impact you physically, causing you to develop stomach ulcers, heart palpitations, and insomnia.
What Is Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome?
Tips for Dealing With Emotional Abuse
The first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to recognize the abuse. If you are able to identify any aspect of emotional abuse in your relationship, it is important to acknowledge that first and foremost.
By being honest about what you are experiencing, you can begin totake control of your lifeagain. Here are seven more strategies for reclaiming your life that you can put into practice today.
Make Yourself a Priority
When it comes to your mental and physical health, make yourself a priority. Stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Take care of your needs. Do something that will help you think positively and affirm who you are.
Also, be sure to get an appropriate amount of rest and eat healthy meals. These simpleself-caresteps can go a long way in helping you deal with the day-to-day stresses of emotional abuse.
Establish Boundaries
Firmly tell theabusive personthat they may no longer yell at you, call you names, insult you, be rude to you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they choose to engage in this behavior.
For instance, tell them that if they call you names or insult you, the conversation will be over and you will leave the room. The key is to follow through on yourboundaries. This reinforces to the other person that their emotional abuse will not be tolerated.
Do not communicate boundaries that you have no intention of keeping.
Stop Blaming Yourself
If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for any amount of time, you may believe thatthere is something severely wrong with you. But you are not the problem. To abuse is to make a choice. Stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over.
Realize You Can’t Fix Them
Remind yourself that you cannot control their actions and that you are not to blame for their choices. The only thing you can control is your response to emotional abuse.
Avoid Engaging
Do not engage with an abusive person. In other words, if an abuser tries to start an argument with you, beginsinsulting you, demands things from you, or rages with jealousy, do not try to make explanations, soothe their feelings, or make apologies for things you did not do.
Simply walk away from the situation if you can. Engaging with an abuser only sets you up for more abuse and heartache. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to make things right in their eyes.
Build a Support Network
Although it can be tough to tell someone that you are going through emotional abuse, speaking up can help. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the abusive person as much as possible and spend time with people who love and support you.
This network ofhealthy friendsand confidantes will help you feel less lonely and isolated. They also can speak truth into your life and help you put things into perspective.
Work on an Exit Plan
If your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing or working on their poor choices, you will not be able to remain in the abusive relationship forever. It will eventually take a toll on you both mentally and physically.
Depending on your situation, you may need to take steps to end the relationship. Each situation is different. So, discuss your thoughts and ideas with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Emotional abuse can have serious long-term effects, but it can also be a precursor to physical abuse and violence.
Remember too thatabuse often escalateswhen the person being abused makes a decision to leave. So, be sure you have asafety planin place should the abuse get worse.
How to Stay Mentally Strong When Someone Is Gaslighting You
What Doesn’t Work With Emotional Abuse
Sometimes attempts to deal with or reduce emotional abuse can backfire and actually make the abuse worse. Some tactics that are not effective ways of dealing with abuse include:
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Healing From Emotional Abuse
If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, there are a few things you can do to aid in the healing process.
Healing from emotional abuse takes time. Taking care of yourself, reaching out to your supportive loved ones, and talking to a therapist can help.
Understanding Trauma Bonding
4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Network to End Domestic Violence.Forms of abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Understand relationship abuse.Office on Women’s Health.Emotional and verbal abuse.Remschmidt H.The emotional and neurological consequences of abuse.Dtsch Arztebl Int. 2011;108(17):285-286. doi:10.3238/arztebl.2011.0285
4 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Network to End Domestic Violence.Forms of abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Understand relationship abuse.Office on Women’s Health.Emotional and verbal abuse.Remschmidt H.The emotional and neurological consequences of abuse.Dtsch Arztebl Int. 2011;108(17):285-286. doi:10.3238/arztebl.2011.0285
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Network to End Domestic Violence.Forms of abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Understand relationship abuse.Office on Women’s Health.Emotional and verbal abuse.Remschmidt H.The emotional and neurological consequences of abuse.Dtsch Arztebl Int. 2011;108(17):285-286. doi:10.3238/arztebl.2011.0285
National Network to End Domestic Violence.Forms of abuse.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Understand relationship abuse.
Office on Women’s Health.Emotional and verbal abuse.
Remschmidt H.The emotional and neurological consequences of abuse.Dtsch Arztebl Int. 2011;108(17):285-286. doi:10.3238/arztebl.2011.0285
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