Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response. But is trying to trigger a narcissist the best course of action?
Harboring these negative emotions can consume your thoughts and energy, keeping you trapped in a cycle of negativity. Additionally, narcissists thrive on conflict and drama, so any attempt to retaliate may only fuel their negative behavior further. This can perpetuate a harmful dynamic and hinder your ownhealing process.
Furthermore, trying to seek justice from someone who lacks empathy and is unable to see their own faults is unproductive. Instead, the best ways to deal with a narcissist is to limit contact, cutting them off from thenarcissistic supplythey are getting from you.
The healthiest and most effective strategy is toleave the relationship and focus on yourself. Establish and set boundaries, build healthy and supportive relationships with friends and family, seek professional support (e.g., from a therapist), and practice self-care.
How to Take Back Control
Taking back control from a narcissist can be challenging, but it is possible with the right strategies. Narcissists have an extreme need to dominate other people. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they probably hold some power over you.
They might control your social life, finances, hobbies, and emotional well-being. You might find yourself constantly catering to their needs and feeling like you are under their spell.
Taking control away from the narcissist is the best way to “hurt” them and recover from the relationship. Here are some steps you can take to regain control of your life when dealing with a narcissist:
Limit Contact
As long as you have contact with the narcissist, they will continue to manipulate and abuse you. They might tryhooveringor baiting to keep you as a source of narcissistic supply – their never-ending need for attention, admiration, and control.
By engaging with a narcissist (even if your intention is to hurt them), you are only feeding their ego. Thus, you must minimize contact with the narcissist whenever possible. This may involve reducing communication or avoiding situations where you know they will be present.
Challenge Their Dominance
Challenging a narcissist’s dominance can be a risky endeavor and should be approached with caution. Narcissists often have an intense need for control and power, and any direct challenge to their dominance may provoke them and lead to more aggressive behavior or retaliation.
However, challenging a narcissist’s perceived dominance can be done strategically without escalating conflict. When addressing the narcissist, maintain a composed and assertive demeanor. Pick your battles wisely, focusing on essential issues rather than engaging in unnecessary power struggles.
It’s important to remember that challenging a narcissist’s dominance may not result in a positive change. In some cases, it may even lead to increased manipulation or retaliation. The most effective way to protect yourself from the negative impact of a narcissist is often to set healthy boundaries, limit contact where possible, and focus on your own well-being and personal growth.
Establish and Enforce Boundaries
Establishing clear and firm boundaries can protect you from the narcissist’s manipulation and emotional abuse.
First, you must identify what you are willing to tolerate, what you want from the relationship, and how you will enforce it. Then, communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively, and be consistent in enforcing them.
Love Yourself
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love.
Narcissists do not want to feel like you don’t need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are. By building your self-confidence and self-worth independently of their approval, you are taking back your control.
Narcissists are experts at undermining your self-esteem, so focus on building your self-confidence and self-worth independently of their approval. Be compassionate towards yourself and recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is a reflection of their issues, not yours.
Spend Time With Loved Ones
Narcissists often isolate their victims from their friends and family, so when you rebuild and strengthen supportive relationships, you are taking away the narcissist’s power.
If the situation is particularly challenging or emotionally overwhelming, consider seeking professional help from a therapist experienced in dealing with narcissistic relationships.
How Does a Narcissist Act When They Are Hurt?
Narcissists do not handle challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known asnarcissistic injury) well. Narcissists often have an intense need for control and power, and any direct challenge to their dominance may provoke them and lead to more aggressive behavior or retaliation.
Their anger can also manifest in more subtle, calculating, orpassive-aggressiveways, such as spreading rumors,stonewalling, gaslighting, or victim-playing.
When you cut them out of your life, both emotionally and physically,youwill hold the power.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of QueenslandAnna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher
Mental Health Writer
BSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
