How to Help Someone Who Is Depressed

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow Support HelpsHow to HelpKnow the Warning Signs of SuicideFind a Support GroupLearn About TherapyLinks and Resources

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

How Support Helps

How to Help

Know the Warning Signs of Suicide

Find a Support Group

Learn About Therapy

Links and Resources

Close

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 21 million adults in the U.S. have depression.Because it is one of the most common mental health conditions, chances are good that you or someone you know has experienced at least one episode of depression in their life.

If someone you love has depression, you may wonder how you canhelp. You may even experience a range of difficult feelings of your own, such as worry, disappointment, and anger.

At at Glance

Why Depression Support Is Important

If you live with someone who is depressed and see their day-to-day life, you may be confused and even afraid at times. And if you have never been depressed yourself, you might have a hard time imagining what it feels like. You may not know much about thecauses of depression,how it’s diagnosed, or whattreatment optionsare available.

It can be helpful to know that it is normal to feel confused, overwhelmed, or unsure about what you can do to help. Instead of allowing these fears to keep you from lending a hand, utilize your concern to learn more about the condition and to guide your search for ways you can lend a hand.

Social support can play an important role in mental well-being, including having a protective role against depression.Letting your friend know that you care and that you want to help can be an important first step.

There are many steps you can take to educate yourself about your loved one’s experience with depression, but you also need to take care of your own mental health and well-being.

How to Help Someone With Depression

While every person’s experience with depression is unique (as is the experience ofsupporting someone who is depressed) here are a few ideas to start with. Learning more about how to support someone with depression can help you feel more empowered and ready to lend a hand.

Take Care of Yourself

You won’t be able to support someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted yourself. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.

While you can’t “catch” depression the way you would a cold or the flu, the sharedgenetic and environmental influencesmay make it more likely that people who live together or are members of the same family will become depressed.

Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Depression can be demanding both for the person experiencing it and those who care about them. Remember that your feelings are a valid response to what can be, at times, a challenging situation to navigate.

You may find it helpful to find a caretaker support group, talk with a close friend, or see a counselor. The important thing is to vent your frustrations rather than allowing them to build up.

How Social Support Contributes to Your Well-Being

Get the Facts on Depression

There are trusted resources on the internet that providefacts about depression, including symptoms and treatment. Reading up on what depression can feel like as well as the myths, misconceptions, andstigma around mental illness, can help you better understand your loved one’s experience.

Research Your Rights

You should also learn about the other aspects of living with depression, such asinformed consentand the legal rights of people seeking treatment. You may also want to inform yourself and your loved one about the relevantdisability lawsin your state for people who have a mental illness.

Be Supportive

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can offer to someone going through a hard time is your presence. Just providing alistening earor a shoulder to cry on can be very comforting. Be patient and let your loved one know you are there for them.

You may decide to share what you’ve learned about depression in your research, but the most important thing you can tell them is that you understanddepression is not their faultand that they are not lazy, weak, or worthless.

What to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

It’s Not Personal

Depression can impair a person’s social skills as well as make them feel less like being around others. They may become withdrawn, shy, sullen, and angry.

While it can be hard to be on the receiving end of an outburst, when someone who is depressedlashes out in anger, keep in mind that it may not be related to you at all—you might have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

When your loved one pulls away from you, it can be very difficult not to take it personally—especially if you are in a romantic relationship. If your partner doesn’t feel like having sex, you may feel rejected or worry they don’t love you anymore.

Try to keep in mind thatloss of sex driveis a classic symptom of depression. Sexual dysfunction can also be aside effect of the medicationsused to treat it.

Relationships With Depression: 10 Ways to Support a Partner Who’s Depressed

Avoid Judgment and Blame

If someone you love is depressed and no longer able to do the activities they used to, including working or helping around the house, you may feel like they are lazy. When you get frustrated, try to remember that someone who is depressed isn’t lazy—they’re ill.

Everyday activities likecleaning the house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming, if not impossible, to someone who is depressed. If your loved one’s responsibilities around the house are piling up, you may not be able to take them on yourself.

In addition to resisting the urge to blame your loved one, try not to blame yourself either. Know that it’s OK if you need to ask for help.

Understand Medications

You can also help them remember to refill prescriptions, keep their pills organized, make sure they are taking their medication as prescribed, and reassure them that they are not “crazy” for needing to take it.

Press Play for Advice on Treating Depression

Offer Hope

Offer your loved one hope in whatever form they are able to accept it. It may be a faith in God or another kind of higher power, their children or pets, or anything in their life that makes them want to keep living.

Know what matters to your loved one and find ways to remind them of it when they feel down and hopeless. Be sure to remind yourself of these things, too.

Love Them Unconditionally

People who are depressed often feel a deep sense of guilt. They may believe that they are a burden to those around them. Sometimes, they even begin to feel that their loved ones would be “better off” with them.

If someone with depression is showingsigns of suicidal ideation, self-harming, or you are worried they are planning to attempt suicide, they need immediate help.

For your loved one’s safety, know the warning signs that could indicate they are suicidal, such as:

Risk Factors and Warning Signs of Suicide

Support groupscan be a beneficial resource for people who have depression as well as their friends and family. Talking to other people who share your experience can be a great way to find encouragement and support. Other members can also offer advice, tips, and information about resources that you might find helpful.

In addition to in-person support groups that might be available in your community, there are also online groups anddepression chat roomswhere you can discuss your experiences and share what you are feeling.

In addition to learning about the available medication options, spend some time researching the therapy options that are available to treat depression. Types of therapy that may be helpful for your loved one:

Best Depression Support Groups

In addition to learning more about how to support the person you care about, it can also be helpful to explore links to some of thebest depression resourcesthat can offer more tools, information, and support.

Some resources that can help include:

Takeaway

When you care about someone with depression and are trying to find the best way to help, it’s essential that you have some support yourself. Whether it comes from other people in your life or a support group for caregivers, taking care of yourself not only strengthens your ability to help your loved one but also sets a positive example of good self-care.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Major depression.Wang X, Cai L, Qian J, Peng J.Social support moderates stress effects on depression.Int J Ment Health Syst. 2014;8(1):41. doi:10.1186/1752-4458-8-41Genovese T, Dalrymple K, Chelminski I, Zimmerman M.Subjective anger and overt aggression in psychiatric outpatients.Compr Psychiatry. 2017;73:23-30. doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.10.008Phillips RL, Slaughter JR.Depression and sexual desire.Am Fam Physician. 2000;62(4):782-6.Targum SD, Fava M.Fatigue as a residual symptom of depression.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2011;8(10):40-3.National Institute of Mental Health.Warning signs of suicide.Trauer JM, Qian MY, Doyle JS, Rajaratnam SMW, Cunnington D.Cognitive behavioral therapy for chronic insomnia: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Ann Intern Med. 2015;163(3):191. doi:10.7326/M14-2841Cuijpers P, Donker T, Weissman M, Ravitz P, Cristea I.Interpersonal psychotherapy for mental health problems: A comprehensive meta-analysis.Am J Psychiatry. 2016;173(7):680-7. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15091141Behavioral Tech.How DBT helps.

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Major depression.Wang X, Cai L, Qian J, Peng J.Social support moderates stress effects on depression.Int J Ment Health Syst. 2014;8(1):41. doi:10.1186/1752-4458-8-41Genovese T, Dalrymple K, Chelminski I, Zimmerman M.Subjective anger and overt aggression in psychiatric outpatients.Compr Psychiatry. 2017;73:23-30. doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.10.008Phillips RL, Slaughter JR.Depression and sexual desire.Am Fam Physician. 2000;62(4):782-6.Targum SD, Fava M.Fatigue as a residual symptom of depression.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2011;8(10):40-3.National Institute of Mental Health.Warning signs of suicide.Trauer JM, Qian MY, Doyle JS, Rajaratnam SMW, Cunnington D.Cognitive behavioral therapy for chronic insomnia: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Ann Intern Med. 2015;163(3):191. doi:10.7326/M14-2841Cuijpers P, Donker T, Weissman M, Ravitz P, Cristea I.Interpersonal psychotherapy for mental health problems: A comprehensive meta-analysis.Am J Psychiatry. 2016;173(7):680-7. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15091141Behavioral Tech.How DBT helps.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

National Institute of Mental Health.Major depression.Wang X, Cai L, Qian J, Peng J.Social support moderates stress effects on depression.Int J Ment Health Syst. 2014;8(1):41. doi:10.1186/1752-4458-8-41Genovese T, Dalrymple K, Chelminski I, Zimmerman M.Subjective anger and overt aggression in psychiatric outpatients.Compr Psychiatry. 2017;73:23-30. doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.10.008Phillips RL, Slaughter JR.Depression and sexual desire.Am Fam Physician. 2000;62(4):782-6.Targum SD, Fava M.Fatigue as a residual symptom of depression.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2011;8(10):40-3.National Institute of Mental Health.Warning signs of suicide.Trauer JM, Qian MY, Doyle JS, Rajaratnam SMW, Cunnington D.Cognitive behavioral therapy for chronic insomnia: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Ann Intern Med. 2015;163(3):191. doi:10.7326/M14-2841Cuijpers P, Donker T, Weissman M, Ravitz P, Cristea I.Interpersonal psychotherapy for mental health problems: A comprehensive meta-analysis.Am J Psychiatry. 2016;173(7):680-7. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15091141Behavioral Tech.How DBT helps.

National Institute of Mental Health.Major depression.

Wang X, Cai L, Qian J, Peng J.Social support moderates stress effects on depression.Int J Ment Health Syst. 2014;8(1):41. doi:10.1186/1752-4458-8-41

Genovese T, Dalrymple K, Chelminski I, Zimmerman M.Subjective anger and overt aggression in psychiatric outpatients.Compr Psychiatry. 2017;73:23-30. doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.10.008

Phillips RL, Slaughter JR.Depression and sexual desire.Am Fam Physician. 2000;62(4):782-6.

Targum SD, Fava M.Fatigue as a residual symptom of depression.Innov Clin Neurosci. 2011;8(10):40-3.

National Institute of Mental Health.Warning signs of suicide.

Trauer JM, Qian MY, Doyle JS, Rajaratnam SMW, Cunnington D.Cognitive behavioral therapy for chronic insomnia: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Ann Intern Med. 2015;163(3):191. doi:10.7326/M14-2841

Cuijpers P, Donker T, Weissman M, Ravitz P, Cristea I.Interpersonal psychotherapy for mental health problems: A comprehensive meta-analysis.Am J Psychiatry. 2016;173(7):680-7. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15091141

Behavioral Tech.How DBT helps.

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?