How to Help a Child With Anxiety

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsRecognize AnxietyConsider the SourceOffer Reassurance and SupportProvide Healthy Coping StrategiesEmpathize With Your ChildEncourage Positive Self-TalkDon’t Use AvoidanceWatch Your Own BehaviorMinimize Anticipatory AnxietyKnow When to Get Help

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Recognize Anxiety

Consider the Source

Offer Reassurance and Support

Provide Healthy Coping Strategies

Empathize With Your Child

Encourage Positive Self-Talk

Don’t Use Avoidance

Watch Your Own Behavior

Minimize Anticipatory Anxiety

Know When to Get Help

Close

Most kids feel some anxiety from time to time. According to research published inJAMA Pediatrics, anxiety in kids appears to be on the rise. By 2020, 9.2% of American children had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

When kids feel anxious, it’s normal for parents and other adults to want to help. The best way to help a child with anxiety is to talk openly and honestly about their feelings, provide reassurance that they’re safe and loved, and help them develop skills to cope with their stress.

Learn to Recognize When Your Child Is Anxious

Kids don’t always understand their feelings or have the words to describe their fears. Talking about what they are experiencing can help parents gain more insight into what might be causing a child to feel anxious.

Because of this, it can be helpful for parents to watch for signs of anxiety which can include:

Consider the Source of Your Child’s Anxiety

Separation anxietyis a type of anxiety that is relatively common in children between the ages of three and five.Many kids experience this type of anxiety to some degree, and it often resolves on its own with care and support from caregivers.

Research suggests that the typical age of onset for childhood anxiety disorders is age 11.Girls typically experience anxiety at higher rates than boys, a trend that continues into adulthood.

Spotting anxiety early, using strategies to help kids with anxiety, and seeking professional treatment can help kids learn to manage anxiety before the condition worsens or interferes with their ability to function normally in daily life.

Kids need to know they are loved and supported no matter what they may be feeling or going through. When kids feel anxious, they need to hear reassuring words from a trusted adult. Offer your support and let them know that you are there for them.

It is natural to want to protect your child from feeling anxious, but it can be helpful to remember that this is a normal part of growing up. Let your child know that their feelings are normal and that they will get through it. Remind them of the times when they have previously managed anxiety successfully.

The Importance of Validating Your Child’s Emotions

Help your child developcoping strategiesto manage anxiety. Coping strategies that can help kids calm down when they are feeling anxious include the following:

RecapDeep breathing, going for a walk, or playing with a pet are all calming activities that can help kids cope with stress. Some children benefit from mindfulness exercises and relaxation techniques that help them focus on the present moment and let go of worries or anxious thoughts. You can also provide your child with books or worksheets to help them work through their anxiety.

Recap

Deep breathing, going for a walk, or playing with a pet are all calming activities that can help kids cope with stress. Some children benefit from mindfulness exercises and relaxation techniques that help them focus on the present moment and let go of worries or anxious thoughts. You can also provide your child with books or worksheets to help them work through their anxiety.

Let your child know that you understand how they’re feeling. Listening without trying to fix the problem or giving advice can be very helpful. Asking questions like ‘What do you think might help?" can open up a conversation and allow your child to express their thoughts and feelings in their own words.

It is important to remember that empathizing with your child does not mean that you agree that their fear is correct. For example, you might say, “I understand that you feel scared,” instead of, “You should not be scared.” This helps validate their feelings without reinforcing that fear.

What NOT to Say to a Child With AnxietyAvoid saying things that dismiss your child’s fear or add to it. Comments to avoid include:“Don’t worry!““It’s not a big deal!““Just hurry up and do it!““There’s nothing to be afraid of!““Just stop thinking about it!““Just let me do it!”

What NOT to Say to a Child With Anxiety

Avoid saying things that dismiss your child’s fear or add to it. Comments to avoid include:“Don’t worry!““It’s not a big deal!““Just hurry up and do it!““There’s nothing to be afraid of!““Just stop thinking about it!““Just let me do it!”

Avoid saying things that dismiss your child’s fear or add to it. Comments to avoid include:

Help your child recognize negative or anxious thoughts and encourage them to replace those thoughts withpositive self-talk. Talk about how our words can affect our emotions, such as saying “I am strong and capable” instead of “I can’t do anything right.”

It is also important to model positive self-talk yourself, as this will help your child learn how to cope with anxiety in their own way.

Don’t Avoid Things That Cause Anxiety

While it might be tempting to simply try to avoid the things that your child fears, one of the best things you can do to help a child with anxiety is to help them face their fears.Avoiding sources of anxietycan actually make anxiety worse.

Starting small and gradually working up to confronting the source of anxiety can help kids overcome their fears in a safe, age-appropriate way.

Be aware of your own behavior and ensure you are notmodeling anxious behaviorsfor your child. Kids take cues from their parents, so being mindful of your own behavior can help set a positive example for your child.

If you are feeling anxious, it is okay to tell your child that you understand how they feel or to share some strategies that help you when you’re feeling anxious. It’s important to recognize that anxiety is a normal part of life, and it’s okay not to have all the answers.

As part of watching your own behavior, be on the lookout for subtle cues that might reinforce your child’s fear. Your tone of voice,body language, and othernonverbal cuesmight cause your child to think there might be a reason to worry, even if your words say otherwise.

Anticipatory anxietyoccurs when people worry about something that they expect to happen. For many kids, worrying about future events is more stressful than the event itself.

Suppose your child’s anxiety seems to be worsening or affecting their daily life. In that case, it is important to seek professional help from a doctor or mental health professional who can provide additional support and resources. Working together as a family to manage anxiety can help your child.

Play therapyandcognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) can effectively treat children coping with anxiety. CBT specifically helps kids better understand the types of distorted thoughts that contribute to anxiety and fear. It also helps kids learn how to change these thoughts and develop more effective coping skills

A type of CBT known asexposure therapycan also be helpful. It involves gradually exposing children to the source of their fear. Over time, their fear gradually subsides.

Final Thoughts

Seeking professional help for your child’s anxiety can be beneficial. Talk to a mental health provider if your child needs additional support. You don’t have to go through this alone! There are many resources available for both you and your child. With the right help and support, your child can learn to manage their anxiety and live a full life.

Online Therapy Services for Kids and Families, Tried and Tested

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Lebrun-Harris LA, Ghandour RM, Kogan MD, Warren MD.Five-year trends in US children’s health and well-being, 2016-2020.JAMA Pediatr. 2022;176(7):e220056. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056Silove D, Alonso J, Bromet E, et al.Pediatric-onset and adult-onset separation anxiety disorder across countries in the world mental health survey.Am J Psychiatry. 2015;172(7):647-656. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.14091185Bandelow B, Michaelis S.Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(3):327-335. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.3/bbandelowMcLean CP, Asnaani A, Litz BT, Hofmann SG.Gender differences in anxiety disorders: Prevalence, course of illness, comorbidity and burden of illness.J Psychiatr Res. 2011;45(8):1027-1035. doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2011.03.006Zaccaro A, Piarulli A, Laurino M, et al.How breath-control can change your life: A systematic review on psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing.Front Hum Neurosci. 2018;12:353. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353Hofmann SG, Hay AC.Rethinking avoidance: Toward a balanced approach to avoidance in treating anxiety disorders.J Anxiety Disord. 2018;55:14-21. doi:10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.03.004

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Lebrun-Harris LA, Ghandour RM, Kogan MD, Warren MD.Five-year trends in US children’s health and well-being, 2016-2020.JAMA Pediatr. 2022;176(7):e220056. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056Silove D, Alonso J, Bromet E, et al.Pediatric-onset and adult-onset separation anxiety disorder across countries in the world mental health survey.Am J Psychiatry. 2015;172(7):647-656. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.14091185Bandelow B, Michaelis S.Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(3):327-335. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.3/bbandelowMcLean CP, Asnaani A, Litz BT, Hofmann SG.Gender differences in anxiety disorders: Prevalence, course of illness, comorbidity and burden of illness.J Psychiatr Res. 2011;45(8):1027-1035. doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2011.03.006Zaccaro A, Piarulli A, Laurino M, et al.How breath-control can change your life: A systematic review on psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing.Front Hum Neurosci. 2018;12:353. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353Hofmann SG, Hay AC.Rethinking avoidance: Toward a balanced approach to avoidance in treating anxiety disorders.J Anxiety Disord. 2018;55:14-21. doi:10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.03.004

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Lebrun-Harris LA, Ghandour RM, Kogan MD, Warren MD.Five-year trends in US children’s health and well-being, 2016-2020.JAMA Pediatr. 2022;176(7):e220056. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056Silove D, Alonso J, Bromet E, et al.Pediatric-onset and adult-onset separation anxiety disorder across countries in the world mental health survey.Am J Psychiatry. 2015;172(7):647-656. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.14091185Bandelow B, Michaelis S.Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(3):327-335. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.3/bbandelowMcLean CP, Asnaani A, Litz BT, Hofmann SG.Gender differences in anxiety disorders: Prevalence, course of illness, comorbidity and burden of illness.J Psychiatr Res. 2011;45(8):1027-1035. doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2011.03.006Zaccaro A, Piarulli A, Laurino M, et al.How breath-control can change your life: A systematic review on psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing.Front Hum Neurosci. 2018;12:353. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353Hofmann SG, Hay AC.Rethinking avoidance: Toward a balanced approach to avoidance in treating anxiety disorders.J Anxiety Disord. 2018;55:14-21. doi:10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.03.004

Lebrun-Harris LA, Ghandour RM, Kogan MD, Warren MD.Five-year trends in US children’s health and well-being, 2016-2020.JAMA Pediatr. 2022;176(7):e220056. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056

Silove D, Alonso J, Bromet E, et al.Pediatric-onset and adult-onset separation anxiety disorder across countries in the world mental health survey.Am J Psychiatry. 2015;172(7):647-656. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.14091185

Bandelow B, Michaelis S.Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(3):327-335. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.3/bbandelow

McLean CP, Asnaani A, Litz BT, Hofmann SG.Gender differences in anxiety disorders: Prevalence, course of illness, comorbidity and burden of illness.J Psychiatr Res. 2011;45(8):1027-1035. doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2011.03.006

Zaccaro A, Piarulli A, Laurino M, et al.How breath-control can change your life: A systematic review on psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing.Front Hum Neurosci. 2018;12:353. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353

Hofmann SG, Hay AC.Rethinking avoidance: Toward a balanced approach to avoidance in treating anxiety disorders.J Anxiety Disord. 2018;55:14-21. doi:10.1016/j.janxdis.2018.03.004

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