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Mental Health HomepageConditions LibraryConditions CategoryConditions CategoryHow to Heal From Narcissistic Abuse
Table of Contents:OverviewAcknowledgementSet BoundariesSeek Help from ProfessionalsPractice Self-CompassionBe PatientExercise Self-CareLean on Support from Loved OnesPave Your Path to Healing
Narcissistic Personality DisorderRead Time: 8 Minutes
Published On: February 3, 2022
Reviewed On: February 3, 2022
Updated On: March 27, 2024
Overview
Healing from the emotional trauma of an abusive relationship with a narcissistic partner can be deeply challenging but is certainly achievable. This process often involves reliving painful memories, questioning past actions, and the tempting yet dangerous idea of reigniting the toxic relationship. It’s essential to recognize the manipulative nature of narcissistic tendencies, which can escalate to domestic violence. The entanglement in such relationships brings feelings of guilt, shame, and a struggle to detach from the allure that, despite its toxicity, the relationship feels intoxicatingly hard to leave behind.
Keep reading to learn how to heal from narcissistic abuse.
AcknowledgementKeep in mind that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) doesn’t only affect romantic relationships. You might have a relationship with somebody who has NPD, such as a family member (i.e. “narcissistic father” or “narcissistic mother”), a friendship, or a romantic relationship. Acknowledging that you were in the relationship and have experiencednarcissistic gaslightingis the first step you’ll need to take to start healing from narcissistic abuse.Once you acknowledge this truth, you can begin to accept that what you experienced was, in fact,emotional abuse. That means you can begin to let go of the blame you might be putting on yourself. Denial is a form of self-protection, and it’s perfectly normal that you might resist acknowledgement about the relationship in the beginning. That said, you do need to accept the reality of the situation and your emotions so you can heal.
Acknowledgement
Keep in mind that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) doesn’t only affect romantic relationships. You might have a relationship with somebody who has NPD, such as a family member (i.e. “narcissistic father” or “narcissistic mother”), a friendship, or a romantic relationship. Acknowledging that you were in the relationship and have experiencednarcissistic gaslightingis the first step you’ll need to take to start healing from narcissistic abuse.
Once you acknowledge this truth, you can begin to accept that what you experienced was, in fact,emotional abuse. That means you can begin to let go of the blame you might be putting on yourself. Denial is a form of self-protection, and it’s perfectly normal that you might resist acknowledgement about the relationship in the beginning. That said, you do need to accept the reality of the situation and your emotions so you can heal.
Set BoundariesOnce you’ve come to terms with the fact that the relationship was unhealthy, you’re ready to take the next steps in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. Settinghealthy relationship boundariesis a key trait here.Start With No-Contact (If Possible)Typically, setting firm boundaries and cutting off contact is recommended at the end of any abusive relationship. Keep in mind that the no-contact rule goes both ways. At first, it might be hard for you to set that boundary and stick to it. Part of a narcissistic relationship includes promises of change and highs in the relationship that you might be tempted to try and recapture. Boundaries can help you resist going back to your narcissistic abuser.If cutting off all contact isn’t possible — maybe children are part of the equation, or it’s a close narcissistic family member that you’ll still occasionally have contact with — setting firm boundaries about what’s acceptable for you is important. Remember to not only inform them of the boundary, but also to let them know what the consequence will be if they can’t respect it. For example, you might tell them, “I’ll see you during this time/event, but if you can’t respect my wishes [remind them of the boundaries you set], I will leave.”Be SpecificWhether you’resetting boundaries with parents, a friend, or a partner, it’s very important to be specific about what boundaries you consider necessary. This might include insisting they don’t share any personal information about you with anyone else. It might be something like they can only contact you via an email address you set up just for their communication. It might be that they can’t yell at you or talk down to you. Your boundaries are yours. You have every right to set them and be firm about them.
Set Boundaries
Once you’ve come to terms with the fact that the relationship was unhealthy, you’re ready to take the next steps in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. Settinghealthy relationship boundariesis a key trait here.
Start With No-Contact (If Possible)
Typically, setting firm boundaries and cutting off contact is recommended at the end of any abusive relationship. Keep in mind that the no-contact rule goes both ways. At first, it might be hard for you to set that boundary and stick to it. Part of a narcissistic relationship includes promises of change and highs in the relationship that you might be tempted to try and recapture. Boundaries can help you resist going back to your narcissistic abuser.
If cutting off all contact isn’t possible — maybe children are part of the equation, or it’s a close narcissistic family member that you’ll still occasionally have contact with — setting firm boundaries about what’s acceptable for you is important. Remember to not only inform them of the boundary, but also to let them know what the consequence will be if they can’t respect it. For example, you might tell them, “I’ll see you during this time/event, but if you can’t respect my wishes [remind them of the boundaries you set], I will leave.”
Be Specific
Whether you’resetting boundaries with parents, a friend, or a partner, it’s very important to be specific about what boundaries you consider necessary. This might include insisting they don’t share any personal information about you with anyone else. It might be something like they can only contact you via an email address you set up just for their communication. It might be that they can’t yell at you or talk down to you. Your boundaries are yours. You have every right to set them and be firm about them.
Seek Help from ProfessionalsTherapists can use a variety of techniques to help you.Online cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) is an effectivetype of therapythat’s often used to help people when they’re on the road to narcissistic abuse recovery.
Seek Help from Professionals
Therapists can use a variety of techniques to help you.Online cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) is an effectivetype of therapythat’s often used to help people when they’re on the road to narcissistic abuse recovery.
Expert Insight
Licensed Clinical Social Worker-Supervisor (LCSW-S), CIMHP, EMDRCynthia Catchings
Working with a therapist, you can begin to:Identify the reasons why you accept abuseBuild coping skills to help you navigate abusive relationshipsResist the urge to remain in contact with somebody who’s abusiveBecome open and honest with others in your life about the abuse you’ve experiencedFigure out ifsymptoms of anxiety,depression, or another mental health condition might be coming into playDeal with and overcome any thoughts you might be having about self-harm or suicide
Working with a therapist, you can begin to:
Practice Self-CompassionSelf-compassion can be instrumental in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. You might find that your first reaction is to blame yourself. It may take some time for you to stop critiquing your own behaviors that contributed to the relationship. Remind yourself that how someone treats you is not your fault. Reward yourself for finally getting to a place where you can heal and get out of the situation. Recognize the signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse as you see them. Above all, be proud of how far you’ve come. One day, you’ll find that you’re able to forgive yourself instead of judging yourself for the past. It might help to create some mantras to use when you start to feel down. Remembering that you’re strong, that you deserve love, and that you’re brave for getting out of the relationship, can all help you heal.
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can be instrumental in learning how to heal from narcissistic abuse. You might find that your first reaction is to blame yourself. It may take some time for you to stop critiquing your own behaviors that contributed to the relationship. Remind yourself that how someone treats you is not your fault. Reward yourself for finally getting to a place where you can heal and get out of the situation. Recognize the signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse as you see them. Above all, be proud of how far you’ve come. One day, you’ll find that you’re able to forgive yourself instead of judging yourself for the past. It might help to create some mantras to use when you start to feel down. Remembering that you’re strong, that you deserve love, and that you’re brave for getting out of the relationship, can all help you heal.
Be PatientEven the best relationships can be difficult at times. When you’re recovering from a relationship that included narcissistic abuse, things can be even more challenging. Be patient with yourself and be patient with the healing process.As time goes on, you’ll find you can start to let go of thetoxicrelationshipand move forward. Eventually, you’ll get to a place where you believe that you deserve healthy and positive relationships in your life. Patience will be key in your recovery.
Be Patient
Even the best relationships can be difficult at times. When you’re recovering from a relationship that included narcissistic abuse, things can be even more challenging. Be patient with yourself and be patient with the healing process.
As time goes on, you’ll find you can start to let go of thetoxicrelationshipand move forward. Eventually, you’ll get to a place where you believe that you deserve healthy and positive relationships in your life. Patience will be key in your recovery.
Exercise Self-CareTaking care of yourself can be beneficial in many ways. It’s always important topractice self-care, but especially when you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, being kind to yourself is essential.Self-care is doing things that help you meet your own physical and emotional needs. Our mind and body are connected, so working on both areas of your life can help you feel stronger, braver, healthier, and more ready to take on the world. You might focus on:Paying attention to your stress levelGetting enough sleepEating healthyTaking the time to do things you enjoyConnecting or reconnecting with people in your life who are positiveGetting physical activity in your dayUsing the coping skills you learn in therapy to help you manage your relationshipsPracticing mindfulness, yoga, or other relaxation techniques
Exercise Self-Care
Taking care of yourself can be beneficial in many ways. It’s always important topractice self-care, but especially when you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, being kind to yourself is essential.
Self-care is doing things that help you meet your own physical and emotional needs. Our mind and body are connected, so working on both areas of your life can help you feel stronger, braver, healthier, and more ready to take on the world. You might focus on:
Lean on Support from Loved OnesThere may not be another time in your life where you need more support from your loved ones than when you’re getting out of a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Opening up about the emotional abuse and asking for help can not only be good for your healing journey, but it can also help you begin to reestablish trust in others. The healing process can be lonely, but the people in your life who love you and want to support you can:Give you the compassion you’ve been lackingDistract youKeep you busy on especially difficult daysValidate your painContinuously remind you that this isn’t your faultOverall, building a strongsupport systemis essential for anyone healing from narcissistic abuse. It provides a network of understanding and empathy to lean on during tough times.If you don’t have anyone in your life who can offer the support you need, consider reaching out to a support group where you can be with like-minded people who understand what you’ve gone through and where you’re at right now.
Lean on Support from Loved Ones
There may not be another time in your life where you need more support from your loved ones than when you’re getting out of a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Opening up about the emotional abuse and asking for help can not only be good for your healing journey, but it can also help you begin to reestablish trust in others. The healing process can be lonely, but the people in your life who love you and want to support you can:
Overall, building a strongsupport systemis essential for anyone healing from narcissistic abuse. It provides a network of understanding and empathy to lean on during tough times.
If you don’t have anyone in your life who can offer the support you need, consider reaching out to a support group where you can be with like-minded people who understand what you’ve gone through and where you’re at right now.
Pave Your Path to HealingHealing fromnarcissistic abuseis a journey of self-care and support. Acknowledge the abuse, set boundaries to protect yourself, and engage in activities that foster physical and emotional well-being. Be sure to surround yourself with a network of loved ones, join a support group, or consider getting professional help to find strength and guidance.Remember, with the right tools and a supportive community, recovery from narcissistic abuse is possible.
Pave Your Path to Healing
Healing fromnarcissistic abuseis a journey of self-care and support. Acknowledge the abuse, set boundaries to protect yourself, and engage in activities that foster physical and emotional well-being. Be sure to surround yourself with a network of loved ones, join a support group, or consider getting professional help to find strength and guidance.
Remember, with the right tools and a supportive community, recovery from narcissistic abuse is possible.
See ReferencesPrevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder.Stinson F, Dawson D, Goldstein R et al. J Clin Psychiatry. 2008;69(7):1033-1045. doi:10.4088/jcp.v69n0701. Accessed December 24, 2021.Narcissistic personality disorder.Medlineplus.gov. Published 2020. Accessed December 24, 2021.Narcissistic Personality Disorder.Mitra P, Fluyau D. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Published 2021. Accessed December 24, 2021.
See References
Stinson F, Dawson D, Goldstein R et al. J Clin Psychiatry. 2008;69(7):1033-1045. doi:10.4088/jcp.v69n0701. Accessed December 24, 2021.
Medlineplus.gov. Published 2020. Accessed December 24, 2021.
Mitra P, Fluyau D. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Published 2021. Accessed December 24, 2021.
Cynthia CatchingsCynthia Catchings is a trilingual licensed clinical social worker-supervisor, mental health consultant, professor, and trainer for federal law enforcement agencies. Cynthia has over 15 years of experience in the mental health profession. She is passionate about women’s mental health, life transitions, and stress management. Her clinical work, advocacy, and volunteer service have focused on working with domestic violence survivors and conducting mental health research in over 30 countries.
Cynthia Catchings is a trilingual licensed clinical social worker-supervisor, mental health consultant, professor, and trainer for federal law enforcement agencies. Cynthia has over 15 years of experience in the mental health profession. She is passionate about women’s mental health, life transitions, and stress management. Her clinical work, advocacy, and volunteer service have focused on working with domestic violence survivors and conducting mental health research in over 30 countries.
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