For example, some people with abandonment issues avoid emotional intimacy, while others may be overly dependent on people in their life.
Fearing abandonment can be difficult to cope with, but learning how to heal abandonment issues can help you begin developing healthy, rewarding, nurturing relationships in your life. Read on to learn more about healing abandonment issues.
Understanding Different Attachment StylesResearchshows that newborns instinctively search for and attach to caregivers who can meet their physical and emotional needs. When a child’s needs are consistently met, they learn it’s safe to rely on others and will typically develop asecure attachmentstyle.However, if a child’s needs are neglected, they may develop an insecure attachment style.Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.Learn moreThere are four basic types of attachment styles:SecureAnxious/preoccupied (in children – known as anxious-ambivalent)Avoidant/dismissive (in children – known as anxious-avoidant)Disorganized (in children – known as fearful-avoidant)“Avoidant attachment styles come from having needs that were rarely met. Whereas anxious attachment styles come from an inconsistency in needs being attended to. Disorganized attachment stems from the existence of actual fear that replaces safety and security. You can work with a therapist on any attachment style you might identify. You deserve loving, healthy relationships.”–Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC.Identifying your attachment style can be a key step in healing abandonment issues. Not only can it help you understand how you relate to others, but it can also give you insight into past experiences that might be causing or contributing to your fear of abandonment.AnxiousPeople with an anxious attachment style are terrified of being left. They struggle to trust that they won’t be abandoned.In an intimate relationship, they frequently worry that they’ll lose their partner, leading to them seeking constant reassurance and support. They may also have issues with jealousy that make them try to control their relationship to prevent their partner from leaving.AvoidantWhen a caregiver provides a child with basic essentials, like food and shelter, but neglects their other needs, developing an avoidant attachment style in the future is common.Many people with this attachment style were discouraged from expressing emotions in childhood. They often struggle with expressing their feelings and needs as adults. In relationships, someone with an avoidant attachment style may feel smothered or want to withdraw from their partner.DisorganizedDisorganized attachment has traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with this attachment style have a strong desire for emotional intimacy but also tend to push away partners or sabotage relationships. This attachment style typically occurs when someone learns to fear their caregiver as a child.
Understanding Different Attachment Styles
Researchshows that newborns instinctively search for and attach to caregivers who can meet their physical and emotional needs. When a child’s needs are consistently met, they learn it’s safe to rely on others and will typically develop asecure attachmentstyle.
However, if a child’s needs are neglected, they may develop an insecure attachment style.
Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.Learn more
Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Couples Therapy Online
Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Learn more
There are four basic types of attachment styles:
“Avoidant attachment styles come from having needs that were rarely met. Whereas anxious attachment styles come from an inconsistency in needs being attended to. Disorganized attachment stems from the existence of actual fear that replaces safety and security. You can work with a therapist on any attachment style you might identify. You deserve loving, healthy relationships.”
Identifying your attachment style can be a key step in healing abandonment issues. Not only can it help you understand how you relate to others, but it can also give you insight into past experiences that might be causing or contributing to your fear of abandonment.
Anxious
People with an anxious attachment style are terrified of being left. They struggle to trust that they won’t be abandoned.
In an intimate relationship, they frequently worry that they’ll lose their partner, leading to them seeking constant reassurance and support. They may also have issues with jealousy that make them try to control their relationship to prevent their partner from leaving.
Avoidant
When a caregiver provides a child with basic essentials, like food and shelter, but neglects their other needs, developing an avoidant attachment style in the future is common.
Many people with this attachment style were discouraged from expressing emotions in childhood. They often struggle with expressing their feelings and needs as adults. In relationships, someone with an avoidant attachment style may feel smothered or want to withdraw from their partner.
Disorganized
Disorganized attachment has traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with this attachment style have a strong desire for emotional intimacy but also tend to push away partners or sabotage relationships. This attachment style typically occurs when someone learns to fear their caregiver as a child.
Signs Of Abandonment Issues
A fear of abandonment can interfere with interpersonal relationships and negatively impact emotional well-being. Abandonment issues influence how someone views others and themselves in relationships, ultimately leading to severe emotional distress.
Recognizing these signs and behaviors can be the first step in learning how to heal abandonment issues.
“Typically, abandonment results in difficulties finding our place in the world. Our primary caregivers were either absent, unreliable, or harmful, and because that was our first example of what relationships look like, we have difficulty getting close to others. Fearing rejection, ending relationships prematurely, depending on the thoughts and feelings of others too much, and struggling with being alone are all possibilities.”
Separation anxiety/depression
While it’s normal to experience some separation anxiety in early childhood, when abandonment issues are present, people might continue to struggle with these abandonment fears in adulthood. Someone with separation anxiety may experience intense sadness or fear when they’re away from loved ones, even for short periods of time. Despite being around the people they love, they may constantly worry about losing them.
Trust issues
Many people with abandonment issues struggle to trust others. They may question their partner’s intentions or treat them with suspicion, even if there’s no evidence that they’ve done anything wrong. Some people with trust issues may detach from others to try and avoid being hurt.
Codependency
Codependencyis an unhealthy form of attachment that occurs when someone neglects their own needs to meet the needs of someone else.
Many people with abandonment issues feel unworthy of love and have a strong impulse or desire to please others. These thoughts and behaviors can make them vulnerable to codependent relationships. Being needed can offer a false sense of purpose for someone with afear of abandonment.
Panic about losing people
At times, these fears can become so intense that they lead to a panic attack. Symptoms of a panic attack may include:
Avoiding possible rejection
Many people who fear abandonment are deeply insecure and feel vulnerable when they open up to others. This may cause them to become emotionally unavailable or withdrawn in their relationships. In some cases, someone may even sabotage an intimate relationship because they believe that they’ll inevitably be rejected.
Causes of Abandonment Issues
There are several causes of abandonment issues.
“Abandonment results from either a physical or emotional disconnection from the primary caregiver and/or primary attachment figure. Genetic predispositions to higher levels of sensitivity to an environment that feels unstable, unreliable, or unsafe can lead to feelings of abandonment. Also, caregivers can pass away or completely leave the scene altogether, so it’s not completely dependent on the interaction styles.”
Childhood
Trauma
Traumatic experiences can cause abandonment issues or make the fear of abandonment more intense. When someone is physically or emotionally threatened or experiences extreme stress, the resulting trauma might impact their lives in an adverse way. Many types of trauma, including abuse or accidents, can be a source of abandonment anxiety.
Death
Losing a loved one is a devastating experience that can cause lasting grief and fear.Studiesshow that the death of a parent or caregiver during childhood can cause severe abandonment issues that continue into adulthood. The sudden loss of a partner can also result in severe anxiety.
Relationship loss
In some cases, the loss of a romantic relationship can be traumatic, particularly if the romantic relationship ends because of infidelity, divorce, or death. These experiences can change the way someone views themselves and their interpersonal relationships, leading to anxiety about future relationships.
Healing from Abandonment IssuesIt can be a long, and sometimes daunting, process to learn how to heal from abandonment issues, but youcando it! Here’s how:TherapyFears of abandonment are often rooted in unresolved trauma. In person oronline therapycan help you work through yourabandonment traumaand change unhealthy behaviors.With the help of a therapist, you’ll be able to develop coping mechanisms and tools to help you manage your anxiety so you can focus on healing abandonment issues.Understanding what it isUnderstanding how to heal from abandonment issues can be difficult, especially if you haven’t yet explored what the issues are and where they stem from.Many people with a fear of abandonment don’t know what a healthy relationship should (or could) look like. Identifying your attachment style can be instrumental in helping you understand your behavior and recognize triggers for your anxiety.Self-careIf you’re struggling with abandonment issues, you’re not alone. Many people deal with abandonment fears, and the anxieties that result can be difficult to navigate without help.While you can change your behavior and build healthier relationships, these changes won’t happen overnight. During the process of exploration and healing, be sure to take care of yourself.Self-careis always important, but it’s even more imperative when you are on a journey toward healing abandonment issues in your relationships.Be kind to yourself as you learn how to heal from abandonment issues. Asking for help can be difficult or even frightening, but you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it. Practice self-care throughout the process, so you have the strength to heal.
Healing from Abandonment Issues
It can be a long, and sometimes daunting, process to learn how to heal from abandonment issues, but youcando it! Here’s how:
Therapy
Fears of abandonment are often rooted in unresolved trauma. In person oronline therapycan help you work through yourabandonment traumaand change unhealthy behaviors.
With the help of a therapist, you’ll be able to develop coping mechanisms and tools to help you manage your anxiety so you can focus on healing abandonment issues.
Understanding what it is
Understanding how to heal from abandonment issues can be difficult, especially if you haven’t yet explored what the issues are and where they stem from.
Many people with a fear of abandonment don’t know what a healthy relationship should (or could) look like. Identifying your attachment style can be instrumental in helping you understand your behavior and recognize triggers for your anxiety.
Self-care
If you’re struggling with abandonment issues, you’re not alone. Many people deal with abandonment fears, and the anxieties that result can be difficult to navigate without help.
While you can change your behavior and build healthier relationships, these changes won’t happen overnight. During the process of exploration and healing, be sure to take care of yourself.Self-careis always important, but it’s even more imperative when you are on a journey toward healing abandonment issues in your relationships.
Be kind to yourself as you learn how to heal from abandonment issues. Asking for help can be difficult or even frightening, but you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it. Practice self-care throughout the process, so you have the strength to heal.
Sources:
Sullivan RM. The Neurobiology of Attachment to Nurturing and Abusive Caregivers. Hastings Law J. 2012;63(6):1553-1570.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3774302/. Accessed August 15, 2022.
Benoit D. Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics & Child Health. 2004;9(8):541-545. doi:10.1093/pch/9.8.541.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2724160/. Accessed August 15, 2022.
Wolchik S, Tein J, Sandler I, Ayers T. Stressors, Quality of the Child–Caregiver Relationship, and Children’s Mental Health Problems After Parental Death: The Mediating Role of Self-System Beliefs. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 2006;34(2):212-229. doi:10.1007/s10802-005-9016-5https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16502140/. Accessed August 15, 2022.
Collins N, Read S. Adult attachment, working models, and relationship quality in dating couples. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1990;58(4):644-663. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.58.4.644.https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1990-22471-001. Accessed August 15, 2022.
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