How to Have Healthy Family Relationships With Less Stress

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Families can be a life-giving force when they are healthy and relatively stress-free. When healthy, they can be one constant you can count on—so much so that a healthy family relationship can positively impact your health and well-being.

Strong family relationships also provide comfort, guidance, and strength that you can draw on in times of stress. Likewise, they provide a sense of belonging andunconditional loveyou are not likely to find anywhere else.

Benefits of Health Family RelationshipsStrong family relationships can:Help individuals cope with stressImprove self-esteemIncrease well-beingEncourage people to engage in healthy behaviorsProvide social supportCreate a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with othersAllows people to feel secure and lovedEncourage the development of values and personal responsibility

Benefits of Health Family Relationships

Strong family relationships can:Help individuals cope with stressImprove self-esteemIncrease well-beingEncourage people to engage in healthy behaviorsProvide social supportCreate a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with othersAllows people to feel secure and lovedEncourage the development of values and personal responsibility

Strong family relationships can:

But when these relationships are unhealthy or stress-filled, they can feel exhausting and emotionally draining. A highly-conflicted ortoxic family relationshipcan cause a lot of damage. Not only do these unhealthy relationships deprive you of support, but they also can create additional stress, conflict, and even health issues.

What Makes a Family Healthy

Generally, people depend on their families in times of crisis for emotional and practical support. Sometimes they even depend on them for support when they’re experiencing afinancial crisis.

The family is a constant in a person’s life. Families also carry your history and share your future. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives to reminisce with about your childhood?

This connection to fond memories, support in times of need, and unconditional love is the unique way that families can bring happiness, stress relief, and a sense of well-being.

According to researchers, strong families all have six qualities in common. These qualities include appreciation/affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being. Here’s a closer look at each.

Appreciation and Affection

Healthy families help one another when they need it. They also keep their promises, support one another, and show affection when they are together. A warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back all are gestures that speak love and support to one another.

Commitment

Healthy families are loyal, supportive, and committed. They find it easy to trust one another with the details of their lives. They also share responsibilities and make decisions together and are there for you when you need them. No one has your back like your family.

Positive Communication

Healthy families often share regular meals together and enjoy talking about their lives and their experiences. What’s more, criticisms, putdowns, name-calling, and other types ofemotional abuseare rare.

Instead, families encourage and build one another up.

Time Together

Typically, healthy families have fun when they are together, smiling and laughing often. Whether their time is planned or spontaneous, strong families enjoy being around one another. They also share one another’s interests and passions.

Strong Coping Skills

Resilience is a hallmark of healthy families. While dealing with a challenge or a crisis is never easy, healthy families encourage one another to remain strong and hopeful. They often look for the good in a bad situation and accept the things they cannot change. Going through a crisis together makes their bonds even stronger.

Spiritual Well-Being

Healthy families usually have positive outlooks on life. They also are filled with thankfulness and gratitude. Typically, these families share common values and may even share the same spiritual or religious beliefs.

Even if they do not agree on everything, healthy families are kind and respectful of other opinions.

Coping With Common Family Issues

Unfortunately, family relationships are so complex, they’re not always easy to navigate. In fact,dealing with difficult family membersis downright hard.

And even though it may be better for your stress level and your health to eliminate strained relationships from your life, it’s not always that simple when difficult people are related to you. To keep conflict at bay and reduce stress, check out these tips on dealing with common family issues.

Focus on Healthy Communication

Conflictis virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead.

Listening and being empathetic whenever you can is especially important as well. But don’t be a doormat either. It’s fine to be assertive and let family members know when they have crossed a line.

And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don’t see eye to eye.

Be Authentic

When people get together with their families of origin, it is not uncommon to revert to old behavior patterns. But if you’ve grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are, don’t be afraid to be who you are now. It may take some hard work to stay true to yourself, but in the end, you will be glad you did.

When family members mention how much you have changed or tell you they miss the old you, don’t feel obligated to be that person again, especially if you changed for a reason.

For instance, if you were once a heavy drinker and the life of the party, it might be hard for family members to adjust to seeing you without a drink in your hand. But they will get used to it.

You don’t have to sacrifice who you are now to make other people feel comfortable. This is calledpeople-pleasingand it’s an unhealthy habit to fall into.

Coping With Being Bullied for Your Beliefs

Address Family Prejudices

Typically, prejudices arise from a misguided or learned belief that certain groups of people need to be treated differently or with less respect and consideration. Some common prejudices involve race, ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.

When you witness prejudice in family members, it’s important to tactfully address it right away. Sometimes family members don’t realize that what they are doing or saying is marginalizing and insulting.

Talking about tolerance and acceptance is essential. Just be sure to do it lovingly. If you get emotional, judgmental, or angry, your family members will likely focus on those things instead of hearing what you’re saying.

If they are unwilling to be respectful, you may need to establish some boundaries with them. Being family doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you, a significant other, or anyone else.

How People’s Prejudices Develop

Deal With Family Drama

Sometimes families are filled with gossiping, backstabbing, and other types of relational drama. When this happens, it is best to shut it down or stay out of it altogether. Nothing good comes from throwing shade, talking behind people’s backs, and pitting people against one another.

Even if you don’t participate in the drama, just listening to the mean words communicates that you might condone it. Instead, try redirecting the conversation or walking away. You also can be more direct and indicate that you are not comfortable with the conversation.

The key is to let your family member know that you don’t want to be part of the drama.

Address Adult Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy

Sibling relationships are complex, but even more so if sibling rivalry or jealousy exists. In fact, adult sibling rivalry can cause strained relationships, where siblings argue and struggle to get along.

If you feel your relationship with your family is strained because your parents favor another sibling, you may be surprised to find that you’re not alone.

Recap

Coping With Adult Sibling Rivalry

How to Get Help

Dysfunctional families can take a toll on individual health, but there are steps you can take to address serious problems in the family unit.Family therapyis a type of treatment that focuses on mending relationships, improving communication, and helping each family member understand their place and impact on the rest of the family.

There are also specific types of family therapy, such as:

In many cases, therapists may draw on various techniques and traditions to address a family’s specific needs. If you think your family would benefit from therapy, talk to your doctor for a referral.

While therapy is often most effective when all members participate, this is not always possible. If other family members are unwilling or able to attend therapy, you will also benefit from talking to a therapist on your own.

A Word From Verywell

While you cannot control the types of relationships you have with your family members, you can create greater harmony in your relationships. Work toward strengthening and improving your family relationships. Be open, honest, and empathetic, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries with toxic or abusive family members. You are not required to endure abuse just because you’re related.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D.Family relationships and well-being.Innov Aging. 2017;1(3):igx025. doi:10.1093/geroni/igx025Poutiainen H, Hakulinen-Virtanen T, Laatikainen T.Associations between family characteristics and public health nurses' concerns at children’s health examinations.Scand J Caring Sci. 2014;28(2):225-34. doi:10.1111/scs.12035Defrain J. Asay S.Strong families around the world.Marriage & Family Review. 41(1-2):1-10. doi:10.1300/J002v41n01_01Carr A.Family therapy and systemic interventions for child-focused problems: the current evidence base: Child-focused problems.Journal of Family Therapy. 2019;41(2):153-213. doi:10.1111/1467-6427.12226Varghese M, Kirpekar V, Loganathan S.Family interventions: basic principles and techniques.Indian J Psychiatry. 2020;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_770_19

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D.Family relationships and well-being.Innov Aging. 2017;1(3):igx025. doi:10.1093/geroni/igx025Poutiainen H, Hakulinen-Virtanen T, Laatikainen T.Associations between family characteristics and public health nurses' concerns at children’s health examinations.Scand J Caring Sci. 2014;28(2):225-34. doi:10.1111/scs.12035Defrain J. Asay S.Strong families around the world.Marriage & Family Review. 41(1-2):1-10. doi:10.1300/J002v41n01_01Carr A.Family therapy and systemic interventions for child-focused problems: the current evidence base: Child-focused problems.Journal of Family Therapy. 2019;41(2):153-213. doi:10.1111/1467-6427.12226Varghese M, Kirpekar V, Loganathan S.Family interventions: basic principles and techniques.Indian J Psychiatry. 2020;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_770_19

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D.Family relationships and well-being.Innov Aging. 2017;1(3):igx025. doi:10.1093/geroni/igx025Poutiainen H, Hakulinen-Virtanen T, Laatikainen T.Associations between family characteristics and public health nurses' concerns at children’s health examinations.Scand J Caring Sci. 2014;28(2):225-34. doi:10.1111/scs.12035Defrain J. Asay S.Strong families around the world.Marriage & Family Review. 41(1-2):1-10. doi:10.1300/J002v41n01_01Carr A.Family therapy and systemic interventions for child-focused problems: the current evidence base: Child-focused problems.Journal of Family Therapy. 2019;41(2):153-213. doi:10.1111/1467-6427.12226Varghese M, Kirpekar V, Loganathan S.Family interventions: basic principles and techniques.Indian J Psychiatry. 2020;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_770_19

Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D.Family relationships and well-being.Innov Aging. 2017;1(3):igx025. doi:10.1093/geroni/igx025

Poutiainen H, Hakulinen-Virtanen T, Laatikainen T.Associations between family characteristics and public health nurses' concerns at children’s health examinations.Scand J Caring Sci. 2014;28(2):225-34. doi:10.1111/scs.12035

Defrain J. Asay S.Strong families around the world.Marriage & Family Review. 41(1-2):1-10. doi:10.1300/J002v41n01_01

Carr A.Family therapy and systemic interventions for child-focused problems: the current evidence base: Child-focused problems.Journal of Family Therapy. 2019;41(2):153-213. doi:10.1111/1467-6427.12226

Varghese M, Kirpekar V, Loganathan S.Family interventions: basic principles and techniques.Indian J Psychiatry. 2020;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_770_19

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