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At a GlanceMoving out and moving on after a breakup can be difficult, whether you were only with someone for a short time or you lived with them long-term. Fairness, communication, and safety are some of the most important things to keep in mind during your transition.

At a Glance

Moving out and moving on after a breakup can be difficult, whether you were only with someone for a short time or you lived with them long-term. Fairness, communication, and safety are some of the most important things to keep in mind during your transition.

Breaking up with someone you once held deep feelings for can be incredibly difficult, especially if you share a living space with them.

According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2011–2015, around 72% of women and 70% of men between the ages of 18 and 44 were cohabiting with partners.

Moving out is one of the first steps to take when you’removing onfrom a relationship, and it can be one of the most complicated. The practical aspects of the process, like packing up your things, dividing property fairly, and deciding who gets to keep the living space, can be a lot to handle when you’re also processing the emotions of a breakup.

In this guide, we’ll be sharing different ways you can safely and amicably move on and outfollowing a breakup.

How to End a Relationship the Right Way

Who Gets to Keep the Space?

When you decide to move in with a partner, you’re probably not thinking about a future where you’ll be living apart. But amid the joy and excitement of making a home together, you don’t want to ignore the possibility that the living arrangement may not last forever.

Leaving someday might be practically easy or complicated, depending on how things were set up when you moved in. If you’re renting, your lease arrangement will play a big role in this.

For example, if you move into an apartment and your name isnoton the lease, you’ll be free to leave should you choose. If your nameison the lease, then you will have every right to remain on the property.

If you and your partner arebothon the lease, you may need to work with your landlord to decide on an arrangement that won’t break the terms of the lease (at the very least, so you won’t lose your security deposit). As an alternative, you may decide to sign the lease over to someone else or sublet.

If you and your partner co-own a home, you’ll need to think about the practical and financial aspects of one person giving up half of the responsibility.For example, if you plan to stay, can you afford the mortgage payment on your own? Would you be able to cover the costs of repairs and maintenance? If so, talk to a real estate professional about your options.

If your partner insists on staying in the house or having a share of the property, you will need to agree to a fair arrangement. For example, if they invested a lot of time, money, and effort into creating a beautiful garden, you may decide on a time when they can come to work in the yard.

It’s also possible that neither of you will want to stay in the house, in which case you might decide to sell it and split the money.

If you’re not sure where your next permanent residence will be, you may feel stuck between your old home and an uncertain future. Consider asking friends and family to store some of your things or renting a storage unit to help you stay organized until you settle into your new living situation.

What to Do About Children?

Moving out after a long relationship can be more complex if you and your partner have children because you also need to consider their needs.

Try your best to minimize the disruption to your child’s sense of stability and normalcy. That said, there are times when you won’t be able to plan, or your plans may need to quickly change to ensure your safety—for example, if you’re moving out to escape domestic violence.

While changemay be more disruptiveto your children, everyone’s health and safety are the priority. Make sure that you reach out for support to make sure that the process goes as smoothly and safely as possible.

If you need to make custody decisions, you’ll want to seek legal advice.

If You’re Moving to Escape Domestic ViolenceIf you are experiencing domestic violence and need help, you can call theNational Domestic Violence Helpline at 800-799-7233. You can get support with planning to leave and having a safe place to go when you do. If it will be dangerous for you to move out, law enforcement can be with you during the process.

If You’re Moving to Escape Domestic Violence

If you are experiencing domestic violence and need help, you can call theNational Domestic Violence Helpline at 800-799-7233. You can get support with planning to leave and having a safe place to go when you do. If it will be dangerous for you to move out, law enforcement can be with you during the process.

What About Shared Pets?

If you and a partner have a pet together, you’ll need to agree on how your furry companion will stay in both of your lives. Sometimes, the choice is straightforward—if one of you simply does not have the time, interest, or money to care for the pet, then they won’t be the best person to take them.

If both of you feel invested in the pet’s life, you will need to figure out how you can each spend quality time with them.

For example, you could pick a neutral place (like a city park) to have weekend visits. You can also think about your schedule. Maybe you have a flexible job, but your partner will be stuck at the office until after dinner. If your partner would be OK with it, you could volunteer to walk the dog or visit the cat during the day.

You will also want to talk about the costs of keeping your pet, like annual vet visits, food, toys, grooming, and additional health needs as they get older. You also need a plan for emergencies, including deciding who will be the main contact person in case your pet ever gets lost.

Once you’ve answered all the big questions, it will be time to start making a moving-out plan.

Figure out the Best (and Safest) Way to Leave

You probably have some idea of how your partner will take it when you leave. You’ll want to keep this in mind as you start exploring the best way to leave after breaking up.

If you’re predicting pushback and fighting in response to your decision—especially if you’ve been in anexplosive or toxic relationship—you may want to plan a gradual transition. To start, you may want to remove only the essentials before sending in a moving team or trusted friends to pack the rest of your belongings. That way, the bulk of the move can be done while you are safely away.

If the split is mutual, you’ll be able to make a cleaner break. To cut back on the awkwardness, agree to pack your belongings on a day when your ex won’t be around. Use this time to gather a moving team to collect most of your things so you can avoid having to return and rehash the pain of uprooting yourself from your old home.

Be Fair, Practical, and Willing to Let Go of the Little Things

As much as you can, discuss the logistics of the move with your ex. Try to keep emotions to a minimum when you’re deliberating, even in an emotionally charged atmosphere. Have clear and fair conversations about how to share what you jointly own, as well as things that have sentimental value.

You might try to split everything equally—right down to the half-open carton of milk in the fridge.

Both approaches can cause more strain than is necessary, making an already difficult situation harder. To simplify and save your emotional energy, you may just need to let some things go—literally and metaphorically.

When you’re trying to divvy up items, focus on the most consequential things rather than wasting time and energy arguing over little knick-knacks. Try to think in practical terms. For example, if you have two electric tea kettles, you can each keep one. If you only have one, but you’re the only one who uses it, then it would probably make more sense for you to take it.

If you’ve made an itemized list of shared belongings but you’re not making progress because it’s too emotionally charged or overwhelming, consider asking someone neutral to help. An objective third person may simplify the process.

Objects that have more sentimental than practical value can be harder to part with. It may help to take a more objective view if you can—for example, if your aunt gave you both a set of dishes for the holidays last year, you may wish to keep them since your family member was the one who gifted them. On the other hand, if your partner’s brother hand-crafted an entertainment center for the living room, your partner might understandably want to keep it.

Stepping back and taking a more practical view will also help you divide the items you bought together that have acquired emotional value. For example, if the first big purchase you made together after moving in was a new mattress for the bed you shared, you both may feel emotionally attached to it.

Try to look at it from a practical point of view. Would it be hard (or expensive) to move the bed? Will you have a bed where you are going, or could you easily buy a mattress for yourself? If you took the mattress, would your partner be left without a bed?

If you and your former partner end up with a pile of things that neither of you are sure about or feel strongly about, consider donating them or having a yard sale.

Ask Friends and Family for Help

One of the most stressful parts of a move, even in the best of times, is the financial investment that’s required. A breakup may only involve two people, but moving will usually require some helping hands from others. While you may know your family and friends will be there for you emotionally, if they can offer practical help with the move, it could make the process smoother and even help you cut costs.

For example, ask to borrow your dad’s pickup truck, let your friends carry your favorite furniture down the stairs, and allow your mom to take inventory so you don’t forget any important possessions.

Surround Yourself With Loved Ones

Breaking up and moving out all at once can be an incredibly lonely experience. Making the transition to the next phase of your life doesn’t have to be one you undertake alone. During this time, lean ontrusted friendsand family for support.

You’ve grown used to living and spending most of your time with your partner. Now more than ever before, you need to be willing to ask your closest friends and family members for help. Call on them in your low moments, set up regular get-togethers and outings, and fill your newly empty hours with opportunities to reconnect with your loved ones.

How to Cope With Loneliness

Summary

Leaving the comfort of a relationship is hard enough, but also having to remove yourself from the space that contains many of the memories you and your former partner made together can be practically and emotionally exhausting.

However, sometimes packing up and venturing out on your own is the necessary step you need to take to move on with your life. Speaking honestly with your ex, splitting possessions fairly, and getting the support of loved ones are all keys to moving out andmoving onfrom a relationship.

Is a Rebound Relationship a Bad Idea?

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Nugent C, Daugherty J.A demographic, attitudinal, and behavioral profile of cohabiting adults in the United States, 2011-2015.National Health Statistics Reports Number. 2018;111. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr111.pdf

Griffiths Law PC.Bought a house with your significant other, but the relationship didn’t work out?.

NOLO.Who gets the house when an unmarried couple splits up?.

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