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Crushing on someone is at once incredibly exhilarating and frightening. Will they like you back with the same level of intensity? Do they notice you looking their way or hear you gushing about them to a friend? When you’re together, do they feel that same feeling ofbutterfliesor longing that you experience? It can seriously hurt when they don’t.

These deep feelings ofinfatuationare normal, very real, and completely valid. This is true even if you’ve only been ona few dates, have been friends for years, or haven’t even spoken to each other before.

“We cannot help who we develop feelings for, nor can we control the strength of those feelings. How we feel is simply how we feel,” says Michele Goldman, PsyD., a psychologist and advisor at theHope for Depression Research Foundation. “And it is true that there are some people we have an intense emotional connection with, even after just interacting with them briefly.”

As valid as these feelings are, though, sometimes it’s best to redirect our energy elsewhere instead of getting caught in a loop of deep pining. But how do you know when it’s officially time to move on? And what’s the best way to get over a crush once you decide that’s the best path forward? Let’s explore.

Our emotional experiences are what they are, but that doesn’t mean we cannot take pause to examine our feelings and behaviors.

In some cases, focusing on our crush can prevent us from moving forward with others, or keep us in a spiral of intense feelings that aren’t healthy for us.

Here are some signs it’s time to get over a crush.

Benching in Dating: What to Do When You’ve Been Sidelined

7 Tips for Moving On From a Crush

Getting over someone you have a crush on can be hard to navigate when you’re experiencing strong feelings for someone. However, if any of the above reasons to get over a crush ring true, then it’s time to start moving on from these feelings.

Humanize Them

When we have a crush on someoneelse, we tend to idolize the person and end up putting them on a pedestal or losing sight of reality. Reframing our perspective on the situation, and humanizing your crush, might help to shift things back into a clearer view.

“Acknowledge the things you like about your crush, as these are real and a significant part of why you developed feelings for them. Also acknowledge traits that you might not like. Sit with those and examine them to help bring the crush into a more balanced perspective,” says Goldman.

She says to also consider how their values may differ from your own, and how that might be misaligned with what you want from a romantic relationship.

Journal and Make a List of Green, Yellow, and Red Flags

It’s always nice to have a space to sit with your feelings and examine them. We gather lots of data when we take that time.Journalingis a great way to cipher through complex thoughts and emotions.

“Grab your favorite notebook or your notes app, head outside, breathe deep, and see what comes out on the page,” saysBonnie Scott, therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling. “You can also brainstorm a list of green, yellow, andred flagsyou noticed in this crush relationship.”

Avoid or Minimize Contact

You know the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” It rings true when dealing with ahard-to-shake crush. The less they’re in your direct view—or even your periphery—the easier it’ll be to move on. If you’re actively in contact with the other person, step away from interactions for a while to help you cool off. That might mean avoiding the places they hang out, unfollowing them on social media, or avoiding texts for a while.

Prioritize Yourself

Dating Tips If You Want a Relationship

Practice Acceptance

Do your best to accept the situation and work on letting go of the “what if.” It’s easy to hold onto the hope of potential when you never really got to stage one of a relationship with someone.

You’re left wondering if maybe one day they will change their mind and become interested indatingyou, but it’s better to let that idea go and focus on finding someone who will truly appreciate you. Also, know that you’re not alone in these deep feelings. Studies have shown that feelings of unrequited love are very profound.

“Additionally, be kind and compassionate to yourself around self-talk,” says Goldman. “It is possible that after we realize a crush does not reciprocate feelings, we might have some negative assumptions of what this means about ourselves. Combat that with positive and kind supportive talk about the self.”

Meet New People

Chances are you’ve learned a lot about yourself from this crush. You’ve got a better understanding of the good feelings that come from connecting with someone, and you’ve learned what characteristics draw you to a person and which turn you away. Now could be a great time to branch out and meet new people.

“Check your library for group meetups, or other community calendars,” Scott says. “That way you can do free stuff with other people who share your interests, and it’s a laid back, no alcohol environment.”

Maybe these people will become friends, or maybe you’ll discover aromantic spark. Either way, it’s a win for you!

Say No to Being Someone’s “Maybe”

Remember, you deserve someone who is equally excited about you. Investing time into a relationship that’s unlikely to go nowhere is a recipe for prolonged heartache.

Also, wrapping yourself up in a crush means that you’re not able to put energy into situations or relationships that are deeply fulfilling.

When you let go of your crush, you open the door for something really exciting to take its place.

How Do You Get Over Someone You Never Actually Dated?

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baumeister RF, Wotman SR, Stillwell AM.Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.1993;64(3):377–394. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baumeister RF, Wotman SR, Stillwell AM.Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.1993;64(3):377–394. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Baumeister RF, Wotman SR, Stillwell AM.Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.1993;64(3):377–394. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377

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