Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Bad Breakup?EffectsTips for Getting Over ItWhat to Avoid

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Table of Contents

What Is a Bad Breakup?

Effects

Tips for Getting Over It

What to Avoid

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Breakups can be hard, some more so than others. A bad breakup can be very painful and elicit an intense emotional response, which can include feelings of rejection, betrayal, uncertainty about the future, and loss of control, saysDavid Klemanski, PsyD, MPH, a psychologist at Yale Medicine.

The emotions you experience and the intensity of your response can depend on several factors, such as how long you were with your partner, how serious the relationship was, and the circumstances of the breakup, among others.

At a GlanceA bad breakup can stem from a difficult relationship, conflict, infidelity, or other hurts that take a toll on your mental health. This can lead to stress, negative emotions, and even symptoms of grief and depression. Strategies to help youget over a bad breakupcan include getting support from loved ones, shifting your perspective, avoiding reminders of your ex, and learning to accept difficult emotions. While it can be hard to cope, it’s also important to take care of yourself and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms.

At a Glance

A bad breakup can stem from a difficult relationship, conflict, infidelity, or other hurts that take a toll on your mental health. This can lead to stress, negative emotions, and even symptoms of grief and depression. Strategies to help youget over a bad breakupcan include getting support from loved ones, shifting your perspective, avoiding reminders of your ex, and learning to accept difficult emotions. While it can be hard to cope, it’s also important to take care of yourself and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms.

What exactly makes a bad breakup so bad? This can vary from one person to the next, depending on your situation and the relationship. It might involve:

It’s important to note that these aren’t the only situations that constitute a bad breakup. No matter the cause, a bad breakup can lead to a range of negative effects, including changes in sleep, appetite, behaviors, and emotions.

Impact of a Bad Breakup

“Breakups can impact mental health in myriad ways, especially depending on how the breakup occurred,” says Klemanski. Below are some of the effects of a bad breakup on your mental health.

Stress

Breakups, particularly if they’re unexpected, can cause astress responsedue to a surge of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones send your body intofight-or-flight mode, which is a constant state of high alert, where your body is prepared to protect itself.

Acute or prolonged stress can lead to physical and mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, heart disease, and diabetes, among others.

Grief and Depression

Breakups can also cause us to feel like we are grieving ordepressed.This can besituationalin the sense that it may occur for a few weeks, or it may last much longer and signify that a person is having a hard time adjusting to the breakup or possibly even developing depression.

For those who might already be dealing with mental health difficulties, a breakup could exacerbate those symptoms.

Negative Emotions and Behaviors

The effects of a breakup will depend, of course, on the circumstances and one’s own individual reactions, but it can lead to unexpected and intense emotions that one is not used to experiencing or managing.

Some people might let those emotions guide their behavior. For instance, they may withdraw and isolate themselves from others, eat too much or too little when they feel sad, not sleep orsleep too much, or not keep up with work.

David Klemanski, PsyD, MPHBreakups, especially bad ones, might require us to learn new ways of coping so that our emotions don’t control us.

David Klemanski, PsyD, MPH

Breakups, especially bad ones, might require us to learn new ways of coping so that our emotions don’t control us.

How to Get Over a Bad Breakup

Klemanski suggests some strategies to help you get over a bad breakup and move on:

Seek Support

Seek support from trusted friends and family, particularly those who have been through something similar.Social supportcan buffer some of the negative effects of a breakup. It can help reduce the time you spend alone, feeling miserable. Instead, you will be around others who can offer advice, perspective, or ways to cultivate or increase positive emotions amidst a sea of negative ones.

Reframe the Situation

Breakups can be painful, and it can be hard to imagine a future without that pain, but it can be helpful to recognize and acknowledge that you will eventually feel better.Reframingthe situation to focus on what you learned from the relationship and how much better off you will be in the future can help shift your perspective.

Also, when you’re in the propermental space, it’s important tothinkabout the ways that you grew from the relationship and try to view the breakup as a lesson.

Keep Your Distance

Maintain distancefrom your ex.Strategically give yourself and your ex somespace from one another.This can look different for you depending on your situation, but it might involve changing your routines to avoid running into them, unfollowing them on social media, and removing their contact info from your phone.

Don’t Avoid Negative Emotions

While you don’t need to welcome negative emotions all of the time, you also shouldn’t avoid them all of the time.Suppressing emotions, whether it’s anger, frustration, betrayal, grief, or sadness, can lead to physical stress on the body.

Allowing yourself to be present with your emotions, even for short bursts, can help you process them and work through them so that you can skillfullymanage them, instead of letting the emotions manage you.

How to Handle Moving Out After a Breakup

Thoughts and Behaviors to Avoid After a Bad Breakup

Klemanski also lists some negative behaviors and patterns to avoid on your journey of getting over a bad breakup:

What Does Grieving Do to Your Body?

Takeaway

Going through a bad breakup can take a toll on your mental and physical health, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, grief, andnegative emotionsand behaviors.

It’s important to reach out to friends and family for advice and support as well as to process your emotions and learn from the experience. If you are not able to get over theloss of your relationship, you can reach out to a mental healthcare provider for help.

Is a Rebound Relationship a Bad Idea?

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Five things you should know about stress.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Ceglarek P, Darbes L, Stephenson R, Bauermeister J.Breakup-related appraisals and the psychological well-being of young adult gay and bisexual men.J Gay Lesbian Ment Health. 2017;21(3):256-274. doi:10.1080/19359705.2017.1293579

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Five things you should know about stress.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Ceglarek P, Darbes L, Stephenson R, Bauermeister J.Breakup-related appraisals and the psychological well-being of young adult gay and bisexual men.J Gay Lesbian Ment Health. 2017;21(3):256-274. doi:10.1080/19359705.2017.1293579

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

National Institute of Mental Health.Five things you should know about stress.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Ceglarek P, Darbes L, Stephenson R, Bauermeister J.Breakup-related appraisals and the psychological well-being of young adult gay and bisexual men.J Gay Lesbian Ment Health. 2017;21(3):256-274. doi:10.1080/19359705.2017.1293579

National Institute of Mental Health.Five things you should know about stress.

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320

Ceglarek P, Darbes L, Stephenson R, Bauermeister J.Breakup-related appraisals and the psychological well-being of young adult gay and bisexual men.J Gay Lesbian Ment Health. 2017;21(3):256-274. doi:10.1080/19359705.2017.1293579

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