Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsBut First, How Does Memory Work?Tips to Fade a MemoryCoping With Unwanted MemoriesWhy Are Emotional Memories Hard to Forget?Impact of a Negative MemoryWhen to Get Help
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
But First, How Does Memory Work?
Tips to Fade a Memory
Coping With Unwanted Memories
Why Are Emotional Memories Hard to Forget?
Impact of a Negative Memory
When to Get Help
Close
There are many reasons we might want to forget a memory. Some memories can make us cringe with embarrassment while others may be more distressing or traumatic. Maybe we don’t want to be reminded of certain people or things from the past as we go about our day.
Luckily, some memories fade away with time. However, especially if you have an anxiety condition such associal anxiety disorder (SAD)or a trauma-related disorder such aspost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it may feel like you’re constantly reliving moments from the past that you’d rather forget.For some, the sudden reappearance of certain memories can be deeply disturbing or even debilitating.
Keep reading for tips to forget a memory—or at the very least, lessen its impact.
The basic functions of memory are encoding, storing, and retrieving.
While we tend to forget mundane information, our brains are more likely to store information attached tostrong emotions. For instance, a series of studies found that participants were more likely to recall information that was tied to either negative or positive emotions better than they were able to recall neutral information.
Shaheen Lakhan, MD, PhD, FAAN, board-certified neurologist and member of theVerywell Mind Review Board, explains that forgetting a memory has more to do with processing the emotions attached to the memory.
Many techniques to ‘forget a bad memory’ stem from gradually disassociating the memory from its negative emotional basis.—SHAHEEN LAKHAN, MD, PHD, FAAN
Many techniques to ‘forget a bad memory’ stem from gradually disassociating the memory from its negative emotional basis.
—SHAHEEN LAKHAN, MD, PHD, FAAN
Researchers have long been seeking ways to help people intentionally forget. While it is not likely that you’ll be able to remove unwanted memories from your brain, you can employ strategies like identifying your memory, processing your emotions, and finding out your memory triggers to prevent the memory from disrupting your life.
Ask a Therapist: How Do I Deal With Bad Memories That Pop Into My Head?
There are steps you can take to lessen a memory’s emotional impact and make it less intrusive. Remember that it takes time and practice to fade a memory, so don’t become discouraged if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you’d like.
What Is Mindfulness?
As you follow the steps to forget a memory, it’s helpful to delve deeper into the work behind forgetting. There are practical tips you can follow that make your unwanted memories feel less intimidating and much more manageable.
Address Memory Triggers
Does the unwanted memory tend to crop up in specific situations? Or are there certain things, people, or settings that remind you of this memory?
Once you understand when the memory comes up most often, you can start taking steps to address the issue. While it might be tempting to simply try to avoid those triggers, finding realistic ways to cope when you are faced with your triggers is often a more effective and realistic solution in the long run.
Social Triggers and SADWe know letting go of memories can be difficult—and it can be particularly challenging for those of us with social anxiety. It may feel as though you’ve built up a “memory bank” filled with all of the social situations you remember as being shameful and embarrassing.
Social Triggers and SAD
We know letting go of memories can be difficult—and it can be particularly challenging for those of us with social anxiety. It may feel as though you’ve built up a “memory bank” filled with all of the social situations you remember as being shameful and embarrassing.
Living With Social Anxiety Disorder
Use Cognitive Behavioral Strategies
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)is a form of therapy that works to change the negative thoughts that contribute to psychological problems. You can utilize some of the strategies used in CBT on your own to help change how your respond to your memories.
One form of CBT known asexposure therapycan be particularly effective when you are dealing with a memory. The idea behind exposure therapy is to gradually and progressively expose yourself to the thing that you fear.
Utilize Relaxation Techniques
Usingrelaxation techniquescan be another effective tactic that can help reduce the negative impact of memories. Such techniques may include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, and guided imagery.
Pairing these strategies with gradual exposure to your triggers can also help you learn new ways to calm yourself in response to those memories.
Practice Mindfulness
You could also try to practice mindfulness when memories come back to you. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without worrying about the past or future.
Instead of allowing yourself to become engrossed in the memory, try bringing your attention to something in the present moment such as a sight or smell. Grounding yourself in the present moment can take your focus off of the memory and minimize its effects on your emotions.
Try Self-Acceptance
Perfectionismcan sometimes make memories seem more distressing. If you have a need to always be seen as perfect, the memories of past mistakes can make it difficult to move forward.
If your memories center around times you have made mistakes,try making mistakesand doing things wrong on purpose. In time, if you are out there seeking to embarrass yourself, memories of those situations will have a different flavor.
Tell yourself that you deserve acceptance now, at the moment, rather than at some future time when you have become the “perfect” person. Practicing self-acceptance can help blunt the impact of those memories.
Develop Other Coping Strategies
When past experiences contribute to feelings of anxiety, it makes sense that the elimination of memories of these events would help to lessen your symptoms.
If you tend to have flashbacks or “cringe attacks” about shameful situations from the past, it may be helpful to keep a journal in which you record happy or positive events as well. Anytime you remember a negative memory, try to follow it up with a positive one.
In response to flashbacks, you could also have a few phrases that you repeat to yourself, such as “that event does not define me.” Reminding yourself that your bad memories don’t control or define who you are now can help reduce their power.
Above all else, don’t use negative strategies to forget bad memories, such as using drugs or alcohol.
Emotional memoriesare often difficult to forget because of the involvement of an area of the brain that plays an important role in controlling behaviors that are important to your survival, including feelings of fear.
Emotional memories are more memorable because of a structure in the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala plays an important role in how emotions and memories are processed and encoded. Research suggests that different parts of the amygdala are responsible for positive and negative memories.
While being able to remember feelings of fear can be adaptive in some cases, it can become a problem when it leads to lingering memories that make it difficult to function in normal everyday life.
While letting go of old associations can be difficult, learning new ways to control these memories can help you feel less distressed when they come to mind.
Negative memories can impact behavior in a variety of ways. Sometimes you might go out of your way to avoid situations that mighttriggera negative memory. In other cases, you might experience full-blown flashbacks where you feel as if you are re-living a traumatic event.
Some other ways that a bad memory might affect how your feel, think, or behave include:
While there are a number of things you can do to help forget a memory or lessen its impact, there are times when you should consider seeking professional help. If memories are contributing to other symptoms such asdepression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or feelings of panic, you should talk to your doctor.
A health professional can make a diagnosis based on your symptoms and recommend treatments that can help. They may recommendpsychotherapyto help you learn new ways to cope with your memories. They may also prescribe medications that can help you manage associated symptoms of anxiety and depression, if appropriate.
In the same way, the Tac2 gene pathway has been shown to reduce the storage of traumatic memories. As a result, a medication that blocks the activity of this pathway could prevent the storage of traumatic memories in the first place.
While this approach would be most useful for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this type of research may also eventually inform negative memories in SAD.
RecapYou can’t erase a bad memory, but you can learn new coping strategies that will lessen its power. Talk to your healthcare provider if bad memories are affecting your ability to cope.
Recap
You can’t erase a bad memory, but you can learn new coping strategies that will lessen its power. Talk to your healthcare provider if bad memories are affecting your ability to cope.
Keep in Mind
Thinking back on the past is normal, but when memories disrupt your everyday life, it can impact your mental health. If you notice your unwanted memories are becoming more frequent and unmanageable, consider consulting with your doctor. In particular, meeting with a therapist who specializes in CBT may be helpful to generate strategies to better cope with unwanted memories.
The Best Online Therapy ProgramsWe’ve tried, tested and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.
11 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.O’Toole MS, Watson LA, Rosenberg NK, Berntsen D.Negative autobiographical memories in social anxiety disorder: A comparison with panic disorder and healthy controls.J Behav Ther Exp Psychiatry. 2016;50:223-230. doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2015.09.008.Harvard University: The Derek Bok Center for Teaching and Learning.How memory works.Tyng CM, Amin HU, Saad MNM, Malik AS.The influences of emotion on learning and memory.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1454. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01454Bray N.Remembering to forget.Nat Rev Neurosci.2015;16(5):247-247. doi:10.1038/nrn3955Ehlers A.Understanding and treating unwanted trauma memories in posttraumatic stress disorder.Z Psychol. 2010;218(2):141-145. doi:10.1027/0044-3409/a000021Behan C.The benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices during times of crisis such as COVID-19.Ir J Psychol Med. 2020;37(4):256-258. doi:10.1017/ipm.2020.38Del Palacio-Gonzalez A, Berntsen D.Involuntary autobiographical memories and future projections in social anxiety.Memory. 2020 Apr;28(4):516-527. doi:10.1080/09658211.2020.1738497Kim J, Pignatelli M, Xu S, Itohara S, Tonegawa S.Antagonistic negative and positive neurons of the basolateral amygdala.Nat Neurosci. 2016 Dec;19(12):1636-1646. doi:10.1038/nn.4414Kensinger EA.Negative emotion enhances memory accuracy: behavioral and neuroimaging evidence.Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2007;16(4):213-218. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00506.xAutry AE, Monteggia LM.Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and neuropsychiatric disorders.Pharmacol Rev. 2012;64(2):238-258. doi:10.1124/pr.111.005108Andero R, Daniel S, Guo JD, et al.Amygdala-dependent molecular mechanisms of the Tac2 pathway in fear learning.Neuropsychopharmacology.2016;41(11):2714-22. doi: 10.1038/npp.2016.77
11 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.O’Toole MS, Watson LA, Rosenberg NK, Berntsen D.Negative autobiographical memories in social anxiety disorder: A comparison with panic disorder and healthy controls.J Behav Ther Exp Psychiatry. 2016;50:223-230. doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2015.09.008.Harvard University: The Derek Bok Center for Teaching and Learning.How memory works.Tyng CM, Amin HU, Saad MNM, Malik AS.The influences of emotion on learning and memory.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1454. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01454Bray N.Remembering to forget.Nat Rev Neurosci.2015;16(5):247-247. doi:10.1038/nrn3955Ehlers A.Understanding and treating unwanted trauma memories in posttraumatic stress disorder.Z Psychol. 2010;218(2):141-145. doi:10.1027/0044-3409/a000021Behan C.The benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices during times of crisis such as COVID-19.Ir J Psychol Med. 2020;37(4):256-258. doi:10.1017/ipm.2020.38Del Palacio-Gonzalez A, Berntsen D.Involuntary autobiographical memories and future projections in social anxiety.Memory. 2020 Apr;28(4):516-527. doi:10.1080/09658211.2020.1738497Kim J, Pignatelli M, Xu S, Itohara S, Tonegawa S.Antagonistic negative and positive neurons of the basolateral amygdala.Nat Neurosci. 2016 Dec;19(12):1636-1646. doi:10.1038/nn.4414Kensinger EA.Negative emotion enhances memory accuracy: behavioral and neuroimaging evidence.Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2007;16(4):213-218. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00506.xAutry AE, Monteggia LM.Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and neuropsychiatric disorders.Pharmacol Rev. 2012;64(2):238-258. doi:10.1124/pr.111.005108Andero R, Daniel S, Guo JD, et al.Amygdala-dependent molecular mechanisms of the Tac2 pathway in fear learning.Neuropsychopharmacology.2016;41(11):2714-22. doi: 10.1038/npp.2016.77
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
O’Toole MS, Watson LA, Rosenberg NK, Berntsen D.Negative autobiographical memories in social anxiety disorder: A comparison with panic disorder and healthy controls.J Behav Ther Exp Psychiatry. 2016;50:223-230. doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2015.09.008.Harvard University: The Derek Bok Center for Teaching and Learning.How memory works.Tyng CM, Amin HU, Saad MNM, Malik AS.The influences of emotion on learning and memory.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1454. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01454Bray N.Remembering to forget.Nat Rev Neurosci.2015;16(5):247-247. doi:10.1038/nrn3955Ehlers A.Understanding and treating unwanted trauma memories in posttraumatic stress disorder.Z Psychol. 2010;218(2):141-145. doi:10.1027/0044-3409/a000021Behan C.The benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices during times of crisis such as COVID-19.Ir J Psychol Med. 2020;37(4):256-258. doi:10.1017/ipm.2020.38Del Palacio-Gonzalez A, Berntsen D.Involuntary autobiographical memories and future projections in social anxiety.Memory. 2020 Apr;28(4):516-527. doi:10.1080/09658211.2020.1738497Kim J, Pignatelli M, Xu S, Itohara S, Tonegawa S.Antagonistic negative and positive neurons of the basolateral amygdala.Nat Neurosci. 2016 Dec;19(12):1636-1646. doi:10.1038/nn.4414Kensinger EA.Negative emotion enhances memory accuracy: behavioral and neuroimaging evidence.Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2007;16(4):213-218. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00506.xAutry AE, Monteggia LM.Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and neuropsychiatric disorders.Pharmacol Rev. 2012;64(2):238-258. doi:10.1124/pr.111.005108Andero R, Daniel S, Guo JD, et al.Amygdala-dependent molecular mechanisms of the Tac2 pathway in fear learning.Neuropsychopharmacology.2016;41(11):2714-22. doi: 10.1038/npp.2016.77
O’Toole MS, Watson LA, Rosenberg NK, Berntsen D.Negative autobiographical memories in social anxiety disorder: A comparison with panic disorder and healthy controls.J Behav Ther Exp Psychiatry. 2016;50:223-230. doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2015.09.008.
Harvard University: The Derek Bok Center for Teaching and Learning.How memory works.
Tyng CM, Amin HU, Saad MNM, Malik AS.The influences of emotion on learning and memory.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1454. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01454
Bray N.Remembering to forget.Nat Rev Neurosci.2015;16(5):247-247. doi:10.1038/nrn3955
Ehlers A.Understanding and treating unwanted trauma memories in posttraumatic stress disorder.Z Psychol. 2010;218(2):141-145. doi:10.1027/0044-3409/a000021
Behan C.The benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices during times of crisis such as COVID-19.Ir J Psychol Med. 2020;37(4):256-258. doi:10.1017/ipm.2020.38
Del Palacio-Gonzalez A, Berntsen D.Involuntary autobiographical memories and future projections in social anxiety.Memory. 2020 Apr;28(4):516-527. doi:10.1080/09658211.2020.1738497
Kim J, Pignatelli M, Xu S, Itohara S, Tonegawa S.Antagonistic negative and positive neurons of the basolateral amygdala.Nat Neurosci. 2016 Dec;19(12):1636-1646. doi:10.1038/nn.4414
Kensinger EA.Negative emotion enhances memory accuracy: behavioral and neuroimaging evidence.Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2007;16(4):213-218. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00506.x
Autry AE, Monteggia LM.Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and neuropsychiatric disorders.Pharmacol Rev. 2012;64(2):238-258. doi:10.1124/pr.111.005108
Andero R, Daniel S, Guo JD, et al.Amygdala-dependent molecular mechanisms of the Tac2 pathway in fear learning.Neuropsychopharmacology.2016;41(11):2714-22. doi: 10.1038/npp.2016.77
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
