How to Find the Best Dating App for You

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefine Your ParametersTry Lots of Different Dating AppsShould You Pay for a Dating App?Privacy MattersHow Much Effort Do You Want to Put In?For Your ApprovalTo Niche Or Not to Niche

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Define Your Parameters

Try Lots of Different Dating Apps

Should You Pay for a Dating App?

Privacy Matters

How Much Effort Do You Want to Put In?

For Your Approval

To Niche Or Not to Niche

If you arenewly single after being in a relationship for a long time, if you’ve been single with no luck for a long time, or if you are hovering anywhere in between, you might be wondering how to find the best dating app for you.

Online dating can feel daunting and you may feel that the odds are stacked against you, but a 2017 study found that nearly 39% of heterosexual couples in the United States reported meeting online,up from 22% in 2009.

Whether you’re new to the game or just trying to take a new approach, here’s how to find the best dating app for you.

At a GlanceWhether or not you’re new to using dating apps, they can feel overwhelming or frustrating at times. Remind yourself that it’s OK to go slowly. It’s even beneficial totake a break from dating appsonce in a while. However, used mindfully, dating apps can be a great way to learn more about what you desire in your dating experiences and relationships, as well as potentially meet other single people who share your values.

At a Glance

Whether or not you’re new to using dating apps, they can feel overwhelming or frustrating at times. Remind yourself that it’s OK to go slowly. It’s even beneficial totake a break from dating appsonce in a while. However, used mindfully, dating apps can be a great way to learn more about what you desire in your dating experiences and relationships, as well as potentially meet other single people who share your values.

8 Tips to Improve Your Dating App Etiquette

It’simportant to go into any dating situationthinking about what you’re looking to get out of it, but particularly in online dating and dating on the apps where you are literally filtering out potential matches based on the preferences you select.

For example, if you are sober, would dating someone who had a few drinks a week be adeal-breakerfor you, or vice versa? If you are religious, would a relationship with someone non-religious or outside of your religion be a non-starter for you?

What Is Mindful Dating?

It can pay off to be on several dating apps. “Some people act like they’re buying a house when they’re signing on to a dating app, like it’s such a big commitment,” saysChloe Carmichael, PhD, a psychologist and author of “Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhDSomeone wouldn’t limit themselves to one singles bar so why one dating app?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Someone wouldn’t limit themselves to one singles bar so why one dating app?

Carmichael views dating as an issue of supply and demand. You are in limited supply; you want to create demand for yourself to increase the likelihood that you meet someone. “The more we can create demand and options for ourselves, what’s to lose?”

Dating Apps to Try

Bumble:Women are in the driver’s seat for this one—they are the ones to message first. For same-sex couples, either party can message first.

Tinder:One of the first to introduce the swipe-right format. Users like it for its simplicity, though it is sometimes synonymized with more casual, hook-up relationships.

Her:Similarly, Her is an app for lesbian, trans, bi, and queer women.

Dig:If ‘must love dogs’ is one of your criteria, Dig is known as “the dog person’s dating app” for the people who love dogs to find each other.

BLK App:This app is for Black singles interested in dating each other—especially since manyBlack women don’t feel safedating on other mainstream apps.

Hinge:This app is geared toward people interested in more seriousrelationships. It requires people who use the app to answer prompts about their interests, lifestyle, and relationship goals.

Feeld:This app is for couples and singles looking to explore alternative relationship structures such as ethical non-monogamy.

OkCupid:OkCupid is for people who are looking for romantic relationships, but also for those who want to meet friends or network with others.

Coffee Meets Bagel:This is a service that is geared toward people who are looking for love and serious relationships. Once you and another person “like” each other’s profiles, you have eight days to message on the platform before conversations expire.

Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science Says, Put Your Phone Away. Seriously.

While there are many dating apps that you can access without ever paying a penny, there are also apps that either charge a full membership fee or that charge a la carte for different levels of access to features.

Yourbudget matterswhen considering how to find the best dating app for you. Here are some things you might want to consider when deciding if it is personally worth it for you to pay for a dating app.

But in a situation where, for example, a woman might pay in order to be able to extend the conversation and message a man, Carmichael just suggests that someone be aware of their values. “I have a lot of [female] clients who prefer more traditional courtships, who it might not align with their values to need to pay to have a longer time to message this man.”

If you live in a small town or work in a high-visibility field or something that might cause ethical or sticky situations seeing someone you know on an app—or being seen—you may also want to consider apps that will allow you to have a private profile or to block certain people.

Some apps have more detailed profiles to fill out than others. Is it important to you to have a lot of conversation and information about someone before you potentially meet up, or are you the type who matches with someone and wants to quickly nail down a match and get to meeting up in person quickly?

Considering this will help as you think about how to find the best dating app for you.

“For people who are able to join—it’s a real plus,” says Carmichael. “You’re going to know you have something confirmed in common, if someone has vetted you both. You’ve gone through the vetting process and you show that you’re both invested in the process. That starts people off on common ground, which is a great place to start.”

The Best Dating Apps for Casual Connections

While there are many larger sites and apps that you may be familiar with, if there’s a niche you can think of, there’s probably a dating site or app for it, such asDig, a dating app for dog owners.

The advantage to niche sites, says Carmichael, is that “you know you have something in common, just as if you were to meet someone at the gym or at church. It’s nice to have something in common especially if it’s something that connects to your lifestyle and general attitudes."

However, due to the generally smaller user bases of niche apps, she recommends an “all-of-the-above approach” of trying both these bigger and smaller apps.

If you are in a typicallymarginalized groupthat is underrepresented on dating apps—or it is important to you to date within your culture—these types of niche apps can help you separate the wheat from the chaff so that you are only seeing the type of people who interest you.

Those in marginalized groups may experience racialized sexual discriminationon apps, which adversely affects their mental health, so niche sites might feel safer for those who prefer to date within their culture or race.

Althoughdating apps can feel really daunting and overwhelming, Carmichael suggests only spending 10-15 minutes a day—no more, no less—on the apps to “stay on even kilter with it. People often binge-date on dating apps and will spend an hour on the apps every day for a week and thenburn outand get frustrated.” Research supports this—more time spent on apps led to worse mental health outcomes.

Looking for Something Serious? Here Are the Dating Apps to Try First

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rosenfeld MJ, Thomas RJ, Hausen S.Disintermediating your friends: How online dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting.PNAS. 2019;116(36):17753-17758. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116Wade RM, Harper, GW.Toward a multidimensional construct of racialized sexual discrimination (RSD): Implications for scale development.Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. 2021;8(4):401–406.Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rosenfeld MJ, Thomas RJ, Hausen S.Disintermediating your friends: How online dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting.PNAS. 2019;116(36):17753-17758. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116Wade RM, Harper, GW.Toward a multidimensional construct of racialized sexual discrimination (RSD): Implications for scale development.Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. 2021;8(4):401–406.Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Rosenfeld MJ, Thomas RJ, Hausen S.Disintermediating your friends: How online dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting.PNAS. 2019;116(36):17753-17758. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116Wade RM, Harper, GW.Toward a multidimensional construct of racialized sexual discrimination (RSD): Implications for scale development.Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. 2021;8(4):401–406.Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Wade RM, Harper, GW.Toward a multidimensional construct of racialized sexual discrimination (RSD): Implications for scale development.Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. 2021;8(4):401–406.

Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

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At a Glance#

Chloe Carmichael, PhD#

Dating Apps to Try#

At a Glance

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Dating Apps to Try