How to Express Jealousy in a Positive Way

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIs It Normal to Be Jealous in Relationships?Healthy vs. Unhealthy Types of JealousyAddressing Infidelity in Relationships5 Healthy Ways to Express Jealousy

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Is It Normal to Be Jealous in Relationships?

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Types of Jealousy

Addressing Infidelity in Relationships

5 Healthy Ways to Express Jealousy

Close

Jealousyis a common human emotion, and almost all of us have experienced it at times in relationships, particularlyromantic relationships. Sometimes these feelings of jealousy are fleeting, but other times they can take over, and we may feel the need to express these feelings to our partners.

The question is: how do you express jealousy in a positive way? We want to express jealousy in a healthy and helpful way so that our feelings and concerns are heard, and the lines of communication and trust in the relationship remain intact.

Let’s look at what feelings of jealousy mean in romantic relationships and how to open up a conversation with your partner about these feelings.

At a GlanceIt’s completely normal to feel jealous once in a while! Jealousy can even be healthy at times, contributing to greater feelings of love and stability in a relationship. The key is to find a way to express it in a positive way.To express jealousy in a helpful way, focus on sharing your concerns without making accusations. Couples therapy can also help explore feelings of jealousy that may emerge in a relationship.

At a Glance

It’s completely normal to feel jealous once in a while! Jealousy can even be healthy at times, contributing to greater feelings of love and stability in a relationship. The key is to find a way to express it in a positive way.To express jealousy in a helpful way, focus on sharing your concerns without making accusations. Couples therapy can also help explore feelings of jealousy that may emerge in a relationship.

It’s completely normal to feel jealous once in a while! Jealousy can even be healthy at times, contributing to greater feelings of love and stability in a relationship. The key is to find a way to express it in a positive way.

To express jealousy in a helpful way, focus on sharing your concerns without making accusations. Couples therapy can also help explore feelings of jealousy that may emerge in a relationship.

Navigating the 4 Stages of a Relationship

It is very common to experience feelings of jealousy in relationships,whether or not your partner is doing anything that might justify these feelings, likeflirtingwith someone else, or cheating in the relationship.

There are theories that jealousy has an evolutionary basis, and that humans evolved to be particularly protective of their romantic relationships to ward off the possibility of infidelity.

How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes

Most of us perceive jealousy in a negative light. We think of a jealous person as someone who feels anxious and insecure about their relationship.Or we might think of a possessive, angry partner who is suspicious of every move their significant other makes, whether justified or not.

Whileobsessive forms of jealousy can absolutely be unhealthy—and at times can turn into emotional abuse or violence—sometimes jealousy is a healthy emotion to experience in a relationship.

Benefits of Chocolate MilkResearchers have found jealously in relationships to be correlated with:Increased love for one’s partnerGreater feelings of being “in love"More relationship stability

Benefits of Chocolate Milk

Researchers have found jealously in relationships to be correlated with:Increased love for one’s partnerGreater feelings of being “in love"More relationship stability

Researchers have found jealously in relationships to be correlated with:

In other words, jealousy can sometimes be a healthy component of relationships, and when shared and expressed in a positive way, may increase the overall happiness and longevity of the relationship.

Do You Know What Love Really Is?

It’s important to keep in mind that if you believe your partner is being unfaithful—whether are having sexual relations with someone behind your back, having an emotional affair, or breaking an agreed upon rule for how to conduct themselves in your relationship—you are facing more than a cut-and-dry case of jealousy.

If you have reason to believe that your partner has broken a serious boundary in your relationship, feeling upset and hurt is a normal reaction, and while you may also be experiencing jealousy, addressing this issue is not as straightforward as learning to express your jealousy in a healthy way.

You will also need to focus on how to address your suspicions ofinfidelityin a clear and self-respecting way. Talking to a trusted friend or therapist beforehand can help you do this; you may also want to consider couples therapy as a way to work through the aftermath of infidelity with your partner.

How to Fix a Relationship After Cheating

If you are experiencing feelings of jealousy in your relationship, you don’t have to hold them inside, and it’s not healthy to do so. That being said, coming at your partner with your feelings in an explosive or aggressive manner isn’t the best approach either.

The healthiest way to express your feelings of jealousy is to be honest, direct, and self-affirming, but also sensitive to your partner’s emotions and boundaries.

Start With Some Personal Introspection

Some people are more prone to jealousy than others, especially people who deal withlow self-esteem, insecurity, and anxiety.Lonelinessand aninsecure attachment stylecan also make you more likely to experience jealousy in a romantic relationship.

Spend some time considering your reactions to your partners’ other relationships, behaviors, or other jealousy-triggering activities. This can offer you insights about what is going on and what your feelings of jealousy might be telling you.

Consider discussing your feelings with a therapist or good friend.

Ground Yourself Before the Conversation

It’s best not tostart the conversationin a place of heightened, charged emotion, even if that is how your jealousy often feels to you. If possible, take some time to write down what you want to say beforehand, as this can help you collect your thoughts.

Share Concerns, Not Accusations

It will be easy for your partner to become defensive if you start listing all the things that they do that make you jealous. Instead, center on your feelings and concerns, rather than coming from a place of blame or accusations.

Consider using"I” statements, rather than “you” statements. For example:

Be Patient and Compassionate

Even if you bring up these feelings as sensitively as possible, you should expect that your partner will have their own strong feelings in response. After all, you are telling them that something they are doing, or something about their relationship with you, is triggering feelings of jealousy in you.

It’s understandable that they may feel defensive or upset. You can expect some difficult feelings to surface during this conversation.

Just as you are opening up and allowing your own feelings to surface, try to give some space to your partner’s feelings as well. Remember that they may need some time to digest this all and may not immediately have a rational (orcompassionate) response.

Give It Time

Hashing out your feelings of jealousy in your relationship, and your partner’s reaction to it, may take several conversations. The hope is that your partner will be able to hear your feelings, and express their own.

Your partner may be open to changing certain behaviors that are making you jealous, but the solution might simply be that they need to reassure you that you can trust them to keep yourrelationship boundariesin mind.

These conversations may also serve as opportunities to go over the “rules” of the relationship so that feelings of jealousy can be kept at bay. For example, everyone flirts a little from time to time, but what amount or what kind offlirtingdifferent partners find acceptable varies.

Some partners feel OK with their partners talking about their exes, or continuing to have aplatonic relationshipwith them, but others don’t. You and your partner need to be as clear about these kinds of scenarios as possible.

Consider Couples Therapy

Sometimes conversations with your partner about jealousy don’t go as well as you’d hoped. That’s understandable because jealousy is a very strong and challenging emotion. Many couples benefit from a few sessions with a therapist to work through these feelings.

Couples therapycan offer a space to express your feelings, learn more effective communication and conflict resolution skills, gain a greater understanding of the stressors present in your relationship, andimprove trust.

What This Means For YouJealousy is a complex, uncomfortable emotion, yet it’s one that comes up frequently in romantic relationships. You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you are experiencing jealousy: it’s one of the emotions that makes us human. That said, it’s important to find healthy ways to express it. You want to come from a calm, direct, non-reactionary place, if possible, and give your partnerspace to processwhat you are telling them.If you are finding it difficult to communicate your feelings to your partner or have trouble discussing these issues, you may want to consider individual or couples therapy.

What This Means For You

Jealousy is a complex, uncomfortable emotion, yet it’s one that comes up frequently in romantic relationships. You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you are experiencing jealousy: it’s one of the emotions that makes us human. That said, it’s important to find healthy ways to express it. You want to come from a calm, direct, non-reactionary place, if possible, and give your partnerspace to processwhat you are telling them.If you are finding it difficult to communicate your feelings to your partner or have trouble discussing these issues, you may want to consider individual or couples therapy.

Jealousy is a complex, uncomfortable emotion, yet it’s one that comes up frequently in romantic relationships. You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you are experiencing jealousy: it’s one of the emotions that makes us human. That said, it’s important to find healthy ways to express it. You want to come from a calm, direct, non-reactionary place, if possible, and give your partnerspace to processwhat you are telling them.

If you are finding it difficult to communicate your feelings to your partner or have trouble discussing these issues, you may want to consider individual or couples therapy.

Envy vs. Jealousy: Is There a Difference?

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Attridge M.Jealousy and relationship closeness: Exploring the good (reactive) and bad (suspicious) sides of romantic Jealousy.SAGEOpen. 2013;3(1). doi:10.1177/2158244013476054

Martínez-León N, Peña J, Salazar H, García A, Sierra J.A systematic review of romantic jealousy in relationships. Terapia psicológica. 2017;35(2). doi:10.4067/s0718-48082017000200203

Baucom K, Sevier M, Eldridge K, Doss B, Christensen, A.Observed communication in couples two years after integrative and traditional behavioral couple therapy: Outcome and link with five-year follow-up. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 2011;79(5):565–576. doi:10.1037/a0025121

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