How to Embrace Radical Acceptance

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsOriginsObstaclesHow to PracticeCoping StatementsExamplesTypes of Acceptance

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs

Origins

Obstacles

How to Practice

Coping Statements

Examples

Types of Acceptance

What does radical acceptance mean?Radical acceptance can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause.By accepting things for what they are, you can acknowledge your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. It can be an effective way to process your emotions and manage difficult experiences.

What does radical acceptance mean?

Radical acceptance can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause.By accepting things for what they are, you can acknowledge your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. It can be an effective way to process your emotions and manage difficult experiences.

Rather than being attached to a painful past, radical acceptance suggests that non-attachment is the key to overcoming suffering. Non-attachment does not mean not feeling emotions. Rather, it refers to an intention of not allowing pain to turn into suffering. This meanswatching your thoughtsand feelings to identify when you are allowing yourself to feel worse than is necessary.

The lack of judgment that is an important part of radical acceptance does not involve approval of the situation. Instead, it involvesaccepting reality for what it isand not getting caught up in an emotional reaction to that reality.

Press Play for Advice On Radical Acceptance

Signs of Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is not an easy practice at all. In fact, it can require a lifetime of practice in order to truly get a handle on it.

Radical acceptance is most often applied in situations when you are unable to fix or change what has happened or when something has happened that feels unfair, like the loss of a loved one or losing one’s job.

Whilegriefanddisappointmentare normal emotions, suffering results when the initial pain is prolonged due to a lack of acceptance.

Radical acceptance does not mean that you agree with what is happening or what has happened to you. Rather, it signals a chance for hope because you are accepting things as they are and not fighting against reality.

While this can be hard to practice when things are going very badly, letting your emotions run wild will only add to your suffering and the pain you are experiencing. It’s true that you can cause more misery to yourself when you avoid or dwell.

Radical Acceptance vs. ForgivenessSome people might think thatforgivenessand radical acceptance are the same thing. In fact, they are very different. Forgiveness involves extending an act of kindness to the other person whereas radical acceptance is the extension of an act of kindness to yourself.

Radical Acceptance vs. Forgiveness

Some people might think thatforgivenessand radical acceptance are the same thing. In fact, they are very different. Forgiveness involves extending an act of kindness to the other person whereas radical acceptance is the extension of an act of kindness to yourself.

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Signs of Lack of Acceptance

It can also be helpful to look at what a lack of acceptance can look like. When you pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and relationship patterns, you may notice events or situations you have not accepted.

Thought patterns that signal a lack of acceptance:

Feelings and behaviors indicating a lack of acceptance:

Relationship patterns that reveal a lack of acceptance:

Origins of Radical Acceptance

During DBT, clients are taught how to practicedistress tolerancewhich enables them to stop turning painful situations into longer-term suffering.

Although pain is an inevitable part of life, radical acceptance involves moving away from emotional reactions and helplessness toward calm and logical thought. While you may not be able to change the facts of a situation, you can choose how you view it.

Rather than signaling approval of a situation, distress tolerance signals acceptance andemotional detachment.It involves a focus on what you can control and a freeing of resources to allow you topractice self-care.

This means letting go of bitterness and releasing unhelpful emotions. Once these emotions are managed it is possible to find solutions and make plans for change (where possible).

In fact, the word dialectical refers to the duality of the emotional mind and logical mind that must be balanced through what is called the wise mind in DBT. This refers to taking thoughtful action after removing the overly emotional part of how you handle a problem in your life.

In this way, acceptance does not refer to judging or evaluating but rather accepting reality for what it is so that you can move on with your life.

Reasons Radical Acceptance Can Be Hard

Some people have a hard time accepting situations because they feel as though acceptance is the same thing as being in agreement with what happened or saying that it is OK. In other cases, people don’t want to acknowledge the pain that would come with acceptance.

Whatever your reasons for a lack of acceptance, know that these feelings are normal and many other people have felt the exact same way. That does not mean that it is impossible for you to feel differently or eventually get to a place of acceptance. It just will require practice and dedication.

The problem with a lack of radical acceptance is that when you try not to feel pain, you are also choosing not to feel joy and happiness.

Avoiding your emotions means creating more problems in the long run, such as anxiety, depression,addiction, and other mental health concerns. Instead, practicing calm acceptance will allow you to process your emotions and move forward.

How to Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance isn’t always easy, but learning more about it and looking for ways to incorporate this practice into your life can help you strengthen this ability. Learn more about the steps you can take to improve your ability to engage in radical acceptance.

These steps can help you stop thinking about how things “could have been" and live more in the present moment.

Remember, it is a skill that gets better the more that you practice.

There are many books, podcasts, and other resources about radical acceptance. If you are unable to move through difficult feelings on your own, try seeing atherapistwho can help you work through them safely.

Coping Statements to Foster Radical Acceptance

Here is a list of coping statements you can use when you are feeling as though you can’t accept situations and move on. Keep these handy with you so that you can use them in the moment when you are feeling out of control.

Appropriate vs. Inappropriate Radical Acceptance

Ultimately, it’s up to you when to use (and when not to use) radical acceptance. However, there are some helpful tips to keep in mind when choosing a situation in which you can safely practice radical acceptance.

When Radical Acceptance Is Not Appropriate

In some situations, you will not want to engage in radical acceptance because it would not be considered inappropriate. Most of these involve situations where it is more prudent to try and make a change in the situation rather than accept things the way that they are.

Radical acceptance is not appropriate in situations where your physical, emotional, or mental health are at risk. In such cases, acceptance may prevent needed changes.

When Radical Acceptance Is Appropriate

On the other hand, there are situations in which radical acceptance is entirely appropriate, including the following:

Different Types of Acceptance

Radical acceptance isn’t quite the same as some other forms of acceptance. Below, you’ll see how radical acceptance is similar to (and different from) mindfulness practices and how it is separate from regular acceptance. Knowing how to differentiate them can help you better determine when each one is best applied.

For example, if you are in chronic pain, you could choose to believe that even if life is painful, there are good moments, and life is worth living. Living your life with this mindset is the idea behind radical acceptance.

Another example is how to cope with death. Rather than focusing on the injustice of a death or why it should not have happened the way that it did, radical acceptance allows you to focus on your grief and the best way to handle it. In this way, you are still reacting but it is with less intense emotions. You are goal-oriented and focused on finding a way out of your situation.

Acting according to radical acceptance principles allows you to feel a sense of relief and feeling better about your situation. In this way, you are striking a balance between making changes and accepting your fate.

Ironically, sometimes it is only when you finally come to terms and accept what has happened, that you are able to go ahead and make the changes that you will allow you to feel better about everything as a whole.

Takeaways

While it won’t be easy initially to cope with situations that have caused you a lot of pain, you may find that when you practice radical acceptance, you eventually start to feel better.

When you identify those situations in your life, be prepared to acknowledge your emotions and move on. While this will not be easy in the short run, you should find that things gradually start to improve in your life in the long run. When things begin to improve, you might find that everything naturally becomes easier and lighter, making it easier for you to make other necessary changes in your life.

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5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Segal O, Sher H, Aderka IM, Weinbach N.Does acceptance lead to change? Training in radical acceptance improves implementation of cognitive reappraisal.Behav Res Ther. 2023;164:104303. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2023.104303Görg N, Priebe K, Böhnke JR, Steil R, Dyer AS, Kleindienst N.Trauma-related emotions and radical acceptance in dialectical behavior therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder after childhood sexual abuse.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2017;4:15. doi:10.1186/s40479-017-0065-5Brach T.Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Reprint edition. Bantam; 2004.Zeifman RJ, Boritz T, Barnhart R, Labrish C, McMain SF.The independent roles of mindfulness and distress tolerance in treatment outcomes in dialectical behavior therapy skills training.Personal Disord. 2020;11(3):181-190. doi:10.1037/per0000368Kotsou I, Leys C, Fossion P.Acceptance alone is a better predictor of psychopathology and well-being than emotional competence, emotion regulation and mindfulness.J Affect Disord. 2018;226:142-145. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.047

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Segal O, Sher H, Aderka IM, Weinbach N.Does acceptance lead to change? Training in radical acceptance improves implementation of cognitive reappraisal.Behav Res Ther. 2023;164:104303. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2023.104303Görg N, Priebe K, Böhnke JR, Steil R, Dyer AS, Kleindienst N.Trauma-related emotions and radical acceptance in dialectical behavior therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder after childhood sexual abuse.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2017;4:15. doi:10.1186/s40479-017-0065-5Brach T.Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Reprint edition. Bantam; 2004.Zeifman RJ, Boritz T, Barnhart R, Labrish C, McMain SF.The independent roles of mindfulness and distress tolerance in treatment outcomes in dialectical behavior therapy skills training.Personal Disord. 2020;11(3):181-190. doi:10.1037/per0000368Kotsou I, Leys C, Fossion P.Acceptance alone is a better predictor of psychopathology and well-being than emotional competence, emotion regulation and mindfulness.J Affect Disord. 2018;226:142-145. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.047

Segal O, Sher H, Aderka IM, Weinbach N.Does acceptance lead to change? Training in radical acceptance improves implementation of cognitive reappraisal.Behav Res Ther. 2023;164:104303. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2023.104303Görg N, Priebe K, Böhnke JR, Steil R, Dyer AS, Kleindienst N.Trauma-related emotions and radical acceptance in dialectical behavior therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder after childhood sexual abuse.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2017;4:15. doi:10.1186/s40479-017-0065-5Brach T.Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Reprint edition. Bantam; 2004.Zeifman RJ, Boritz T, Barnhart R, Labrish C, McMain SF.The independent roles of mindfulness and distress tolerance in treatment outcomes in dialectical behavior therapy skills training.Personal Disord. 2020;11(3):181-190. doi:10.1037/per0000368Kotsou I, Leys C, Fossion P.Acceptance alone is a better predictor of psychopathology and well-being than emotional competence, emotion regulation and mindfulness.J Affect Disord. 2018;226:142-145. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.047

Görg N, Priebe K, Böhnke JR, Steil R, Dyer AS, Kleindienst N.Trauma-related emotions and radical acceptance in dialectical behavior therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder after childhood sexual abuse.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2017;4:15. doi:10.1186/s40479-017-0065-5

Brach T.Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Reprint edition. Bantam; 2004.

Zeifman RJ, Boritz T, Barnhart R, Labrish C, McMain SF.The independent roles of mindfulness and distress tolerance in treatment outcomes in dialectical behavior therapy skills training.Personal Disord. 2020;11(3):181-190. doi:10.1037/per0000368

Kotsou I, Leys C, Fossion P.Acceptance alone is a better predictor of psychopathology and well-being than emotional competence, emotion regulation and mindfulness.J Affect Disord. 2018;226:142-145. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.047

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What does radical acceptance mean?#

Press Play for Advice On Radical Acceptance#

Signs of Radical Acceptance#

Radical Acceptance vs. Forgiveness#

Signs of Lack of Acceptance#

Origins of Radical Acceptance#

Reasons Radical Acceptance Can Be Hard#

How to Practice Radical Acceptance#

Coping Statements to Foster Radical Acceptance#

Appropriate vs. Inappropriate Radical Acceptance#

When Radical Acceptance Is Not Appropriate#

When Radical Acceptance Is Appropriate#

Different Types of Acceptance#

Takeaways#