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Mental Health HomepageConditions LibraryConditions CategoryConditions CategoryHow to Ease Separation Anxiety
Table of Contents:OverviewWhat Causes Separation Anxiety?Mitigating Symptoms of Separation Anxiety
Anxiety DisorderRead Time: 5 Minutes
Published On: May 8, 2020
Reviewed On: May 8, 2020
Updated On: July 1, 2024
OverviewThe term “separation anxiety” is sometimes used colloquially, like when you haven’t seen a friend or loved one for a while as an expression of how much you miss them. Since it’s become such a common phrase, you may not even realize that separation anxiety is actually a clinical condition. A separation anxiety diagnosis indicates feelings that are much more than simply longing for a friend.
Overview
The term “separation anxiety” is sometimes used colloquially, like when you haven’t seen a friend or loved one for a while as an expression of how much you miss them. Since it’s become such a common phrase, you may not even realize that separation anxiety is actually a clinical condition. A separation anxiety diagnosis indicates feelings that are much more than simply longing for a friend.
Similarly, “adults with the disorder often present as irrational, demanding or overly dependent,” continues McDonagh. “As a result, daily life activities like work and personal relationships typically suffer. It is not unusual for adults with separation anxiety to also have otheranxietyor mood disorders.”
As one typically becomesstressedin anticipation of an uncomfortable situation, people with separation anxiety often begin experiencing negative symptoms prior to the separation occurring. According toLaura Rhodes-Levin, LMFT, Founder of The Missing Peace Center for Anxiety, symptoms include: accelerated heart rate, sweaty hands, and a feeling of doom and restlessness, which can occur before and during the event. “These symptoms persist until the person becomes distracted, but most often they do not subside completely until the individual who left returns,” she says.
While the term may be overused, theAmerican Psychiatric Associationreports diagnosable separation anxiety occurs after symptoms persist for four weeks in children and six months in adults. An estimated 3.2% to 4.1% ofchildren will experience separation anxiety.
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What Causes Separation Anxiety?
According to McDonagh, genetics and environment are both believed to play a part in the chances of someone developing separation anxiety, with many reporting that family members were also diagnosed.
Historically, separation anxiety was considered adisorderfrom which only people under the age of 18 suffered, but now it is known to exist in adults as well. “In adults it most often occursafteran event such as a death, divorce, or a child moving out of the home. As a result, most adults with separation anxiety did not have these symptoms as children,” says McDonagh.
Mitigating Symptoms of Separation AnxietyAs with any mental health disorder, seeking professional help from a licensed therapist to receive a proper diagnosis and treatment plan is critical. “The research shows that a combination of medication and psychotherapy, such ascognitive behavioral therapyand/or exposure therapy, are the most effective. Adding parent training has also been found to be highly effective,” says McDonagh. He also recommends gradually increasing the time between seeing your attachment person to enable you to become increasingly comfortable with the associated anxiety — this exposure should help you to be better able to tolerate the symptoms.If you’re unable to immediately see a mental health expert there are techniques that you can employ at home to cope with separation anxiety. “This is the time to be gentle with yourself as you would with any child that is frightened,” says Rhodes-Levin. “Do not judge yourself. Distraction is always helpful. Engage your senses. Listen to music, go outside if you feel safe to do so, smell something soothing or look at something that distracts you like a movie or television show that brings you joy. If you have the opportunity, call someone else on the phone and ask them how they are doing. Focusing on someone else quiets the thoughts we have about our own problems. Engage in some sort of project, even something like a jigsaw puzzle that brings you joy when you find you are looking for. Write a gratitude list. This may sound corny, but it really helps.”Instead of focusing on your current emotions Rhodes-Levin suggests looking back on all the times you’ve had separation anxiety and overcame it. The reassurance that you will be alright can make a big difference as you face this challenge.
Mitigating Symptoms of Separation Anxiety
As with any mental health disorder, seeking professional help from a licensed therapist to receive a proper diagnosis and treatment plan is critical. “The research shows that a combination of medication and psychotherapy, such ascognitive behavioral therapyand/or exposure therapy, are the most effective. Adding parent training has also been found to be highly effective,” says McDonagh. He also recommends gradually increasing the time between seeing your attachment person to enable you to become increasingly comfortable with the associated anxiety — this exposure should help you to be better able to tolerate the symptoms.
If you’re unable to immediately see a mental health expert there are techniques that you can employ at home to cope with separation anxiety. “This is the time to be gentle with yourself as you would with any child that is frightened,” says Rhodes-Levin. “Do not judge yourself. Distraction is always helpful. Engage your senses. Listen to music, go outside if you feel safe to do so, smell something soothing or look at something that distracts you like a movie or television show that brings you joy. If you have the opportunity, call someone else on the phone and ask them how they are doing. Focusing on someone else quiets the thoughts we have about our own problems. Engage in some sort of project, even something like a jigsaw puzzle that brings you joy when you find you are looking for. Write a gratitude list. This may sound corny, but it really helps.”
Instead of focusing on your current emotions Rhodes-Levin suggests looking back on all the times you’ve had separation anxiety and overcame it. The reassurance that you will be alright can make a big difference as you face this challenge.
Sarah FieldingSarah Fielding is a freelance writer based in New York City. Covering a range of topics with a focus on mental health, sex, and relationships, her work has appeared at Healthline, Men’s Health, INSIDER, Bustle, Greatist, and more. She’s the co-founder of Empire Coven, a space for highlighting trailblazing women across New York.
Sarah Fielding is a freelance writer based in New York City. Covering a range of topics with a focus on mental health, sex, and relationships, her work has appeared at Healthline, Men’s Health, INSIDER, Bustle, Greatist, and more. She’s the co-founder of Empire Coven, a space for highlighting trailblazing women across New York.
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