How to Disclose Your Mental Health Condition to a Partner

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhen Is the Right Time?How to Bring it Up

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

When Is the Right Time?

How to Bring it Up

If you have amental health condition, telling people about it can definitely be scary. Despite all the progress we’ve made in the past few years in terms of destigmatization,internalizedstigma still persists for a lot of people—which can translate to concerns over sharing a diagnosis with loved ones.

Disclosing a mental health condition to a romantic partner can be even harder because we don’t want to be judged and maybe somewhere deep down we worry it’ll affect the way they feel about us. Rest assured, if they’re genuinely into you this won’t be the case.

Just like other medical conditions, a mental health condition isn’t something you should have to hide. “Disclosurehelps promote honesty, transparency, and communication in the relationship, and prevents misunderstandings and unnecessary tensions,” saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Ideally, it’ll help deepen the understanding, compassion, and care within the relationship. It will also give your partner an opportunity to support you and learn how to better love you, which can strengthen your relationship.

How Has Increased Openness About Mental Health Impacted Dating?

Here are a few suggestions for when to disclose your mental health condition to your partner, according to de Llano:

“There is no right or wrong time to have this conversation; it’s deeply personal to each individual and everyone is entitled to their boundaries,” says Llano.

For instance, she says some people may prefer to wait until the intimate connection is secure, while others may want to disclose it upfront—the timing is really up to the comfort of the person grappling with their mental health.

How to Cope When Your Partner Has a Chronic Illness

These are some strategies that can be helpful while disclosing your mental health condition to your partner.

Invite your partner to join you and let them know you would like to share something personal about yourself with them.

You could say: “I trust you and I need to tell you something important about me. This is difficult for me to share because it makes me feel vulnerable and I’d really appreciate your support. Thank you for listening and doing your best to understand."

This step is known as process talk, where you’re telling your partner about theconversationto come, rather than sharing information about your condition. Process talk can help prepare your partner for the conversation ahead.

Avoid Fishing

What you want to avoid is fishing or setting your partner up, says de Llano. For instance, she says to avoid leading with questions like “How do you feel aboutmental health?” or “What do you think of people with X condition?”

That’s a setup that can lead down the wrong path, says de Llano.

Be Direct and Honest

Tell your partner about your condition in a direct and straightforward manner. For instance, de Llano says the dialogue can be something like this: “I live with X condition. This is not who I am, but something that impacts my life. These are some of the symptoms I experience…”

Everyone experiencesmental health conditionsdifferently. It can be helpful to share some concrete examples of your symptoms with your partner, so they can understand your experience of the condition.

For instance, you could say: “I sometimes feel so anxious that it can be difficult to function. I can’t focus on my work, and that makes me more anxious.”

Ask If They Have Questions

De Llano suggests asking your partner how they’re feeling, if they have any questions for you, and if they’re interested in learning more about your condition. This can help them participate in the conversation, clarify any questions they have about your condition, and make it easier for them to ask you follow-up questions later on.

If they ask questions you don’t have answers to, don’t feel pressured to answer right away; you can express how difficult the disclosure was and ask for a reasonable time to check and get back to them to discuss further, says de Llano.

If there are parts of your experience youdon’t want to share, you can say “I don’t want to talk about that right now” or “I’m not comfortable talking about that yet.”

Check in With Yourself

Practice the Conversation

Should I Tell My Partner What Happens in Therapy?

Will Your Partner Accept It?

There is a chance your partner may be uncomfortable with your mental health condition. But oftentimes this discomfort will come from a lack of experience or education about your diagnosis. Over time, they may become increasingly understanding with effort and care, or they may not. “What’s most important is that you’re honest and loving toward yourself no matter your partner’s reaction,” says de Llano.

Your Partner Is Not Your Therapist

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rüsch N, Malzer A, Oexle N, et al.Disclosure and quality of life among unemployed individuals with mental health problems: a longitudinal study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(3):137-139. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000000914Reavley NJ, Morgan AJ, Jorm AF.Disclosure of mental health problems: findings from an Australian national survey.Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. 2017;27(4):346-356. doi:10.1017/S204579601600113XAdditional ReadingNational Alliance on Mental Illness.Discussing mental illness with the person you’re dating.National Alliance on Mental Illness.Disclosing to others.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rüsch N, Malzer A, Oexle N, et al.Disclosure and quality of life among unemployed individuals with mental health problems: a longitudinal study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(3):137-139. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000000914Reavley NJ, Morgan AJ, Jorm AF.Disclosure of mental health problems: findings from an Australian national survey.Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. 2017;27(4):346-356. doi:10.1017/S204579601600113XAdditional ReadingNational Alliance on Mental Illness.Discussing mental illness with the person you’re dating.National Alliance on Mental Illness.Disclosing to others.

Rüsch N, Malzer A, Oexle N, et al.Disclosure and quality of life among unemployed individuals with mental health problems: a longitudinal study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(3):137-139. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000000914Reavley NJ, Morgan AJ, Jorm AF.Disclosure of mental health problems: findings from an Australian national survey.Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. 2017;27(4):346-356. doi:10.1017/S204579601600113X

Reavley NJ, Morgan AJ, Jorm AF.Disclosure of mental health problems: findings from an Australian national survey.Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. 2017;27(4):346-356. doi:10.1017/S204579601600113X

National Alliance on Mental Illness.Discussing mental illness with the person you’re dating.National Alliance on Mental Illness.Disclosing to others.

National Alliance on Mental Illness.Discussing mental illness with the person you’re dating.

National Alliance on Mental Illness.Disclosing to others.

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Tell Your Partner You’d Like to Share Something Personal With Them#

Avoid Fishing#

Be Direct and Honest#

Share Examples#

Ask If They Have Questions#

Check in With Yourself#

Practice the Conversation#

Will Your Partner Accept It?#

Tell Your Partner You’d Like to Share Something Personal With Them