How to Develop Your Sense of Emotional Permanence

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Emotional Permanence?Emotional Permanence and Personal GrowthWhat Are Signs of Emotional Permanence?When You Lack Emotional PermanenceDeveloping Emotional PermanenceThe Positive Impact of Emotional AwarenessPractical Tips for Managing & Expressing EmotionsThe Journey Towards Emotional Permanence & Emotional Health

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is Emotional Permanence?

Emotional Permanence and Personal Growth

What Are Signs of Emotional Permanence?

When You Lack Emotional Permanence

Developing Emotional Permanence

The Positive Impact of Emotional Awareness

Practical Tips for Managing & Expressing Emotions

The Journey Towards Emotional Permanence & Emotional Health

Some of us have an easy time believing and understanding that other people love us even when they aren’t physically present, and for others, that idea can feel hard to fathom. The notion of being able to have faith in how others feel about us is called emotional permanence.

At a GlanceEmotional permanence is exactly that—a permanent state of emotion—something we trust to not change even when we aren’t presented with it at a given moment. We learnobject permanenceas part of our cognitive development—that is, the idea that if you close your eyes right now, you will understand that your device is still there in front of you, even though you can’t see it.Emotional permanence may not come as naturally to everyone, so it’s important to learn how you can begin to cultivate it in your life. With introspection and building trust in your relationships, you can become more comfortable and confident that your loved ones do in fact love you, even when they aren’t saying it.

At a Glance

Emotional permanence is exactly that—a permanent state of emotion—something we trust to not change even when we aren’t presented with it at a given moment. We learnobject permanenceas part of our cognitive development—that is, the idea that if you close your eyes right now, you will understand that your device is still there in front of you, even though you can’t see it.Emotional permanence may not come as naturally to everyone, so it’s important to learn how you can begin to cultivate it in your life. With introspection and building trust in your relationships, you can become more comfortable and confident that your loved ones do in fact love you, even when they aren’t saying it.

Emotional permanence may not come as naturally to everyone, so it’s important to learn how you can begin to cultivate it in your life. With introspection and building trust in your relationships, you can become more comfortable and confident that your loved ones do in fact love you, even when they aren’t saying it.

Do you find yourself wondering about how other people feel about you when you’re not around them? Are you concerned that your partner(s), friends, or even family members don’t love you as much as they say they do? When your loved ones aren’t there to tell and show you how they feel about you, do you doubt their feelings and worry about your relationship? Do you feel like when people are out of your sight, you are likely out of their mind? If so, you may be lacking emotional permanence.

Emotional permanence can be considered a more specialized version of object permanence. That’s when you understand that things in your world still exist even if you can’t see them. In much the same vein, emotional permanence is the knowledge that feelings are real even when the person who has them isn’t right in front of you.

Some people are prone to having a harder time with these abstract concepts, such as how people withborderline personality disorderhave been shown to lack object permanence.Additionally, people with ananxious attachmentstyle may have a difficult time establishing emotional permanence.

Emotional Permanence in Personal Growth & Mental Health

The biggest sign that you have a sense of emotional permanence is that you don’t spend a lot of time feeling deeply concerned about how others feel about you, particularly those who have already expressed that they love you. This is important for ourmental healthbecause, as Le Goy tells us, “emotional permanence gives you a steady foundation from which to build and make positive changes where needed.”

Perhaps you are unsure whether or not you have a sense of emotional permanence. Here are some signs of it; if you find that they fit you, then this is probably not an issue for you. However, if you don’t resonate with these ideas, you may be lacking in emotional permanence.

What Does it Mean to Lack Emotional Permanence?

Lacking emotional permanence means that you are not secure in how others feel about you unless they are actively telling you—and even then, you might not believe them. Lacking emotional permanence can look like the following.

How Do You Develop Emotional Permanence?

Luckily, even if you are lacking in emotional permanence there are many ways to strengthen it. They are centered around personal growth, and you might find that you have the easiest time with this with a therapist.

Introspection

Trust Building

Relearning Attachment Style

This final step in establishing emotional permanence is very important. Le Goy explains that that’s because “this is when people “fill in the gaps” for themselves and take care of themselves and their needs in the way that we wish our caregivers had done for us when we were young.”

Take Our Free Attachment Style QuizIf you are curious about what your attachment style may be, take ourquick free attachment quizto find out

Take Our Free Attachment Style Quiz

If you are curious about what your attachment style may be, take ourquick free attachment quizto find out

Having a strong sense of emotional permanence benefits us across the board. Knowing that we feel secure in our relationships further enables us to relax and enjoy life. “If we have emotional permanence, we can feel less anxious and insecure in our relationships and in our lives in general,” explains Le Goy.

If you struggle with managing your emotions, there are steps you can take to better get them under control. Le Goy cites introspection as a key way to gain deeper understanding of what’s going on with ourselves. “A large part of managing emotions in healthy ways is not just about finding solutions, but also finding the reasons why we are struggling with certain issues,' she says. Additionally, “being able to search and seek to understand ourselves without judgment can go a long way in managing our emotions.”

It may take time for you to suss out why you feel the way you do about different things, and that’s ok. There’s no timeline for this work. From there, we can move forward. “Once we are very open with ourselves about how we gothere, then we can search forhealthy coping mechanismsto replace unhealthy practices—such as going for a walk outside instead of sitting at home worrying about our problems,journalingrather than venting to unsupportive people, etc,” Le Goy tells us.

Because a lack of emotional permanence can be so deeply rooted in our past and our upbringing, we can’t expect that the journey to achieving it will be a fast one. However, it’s completely possible to improve our overall emotional health, and cultivating a sense of emotional permanence is no exception to that.

By examining how we developed the patterns we have, then looking into changing them, we can become more secure. From there, we can find ourselves happier and healthier in our relationships.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Seiffert, N., Cavelti, M., Koenig, J., Santangelo, P., Lerch, S., Resch, F., Ebner-Priemer, U., & Kaess, M. (2023).Object constancy in adolescents with borderline personality disorder pathology.Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 14(2), 172–181Psychological well-being and personality traits are associated with experiencing love in everyday life.Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;153:109620.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Seiffert, N., Cavelti, M., Koenig, J., Santangelo, P., Lerch, S., Resch, F., Ebner-Priemer, U., & Kaess, M. (2023).Object constancy in adolescents with borderline personality disorder pathology.Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 14(2), 172–181Psychological well-being and personality traits are associated with experiencing love in everyday life.Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;153:109620.

Seiffert, N., Cavelti, M., Koenig, J., Santangelo, P., Lerch, S., Resch, F., Ebner-Priemer, U., & Kaess, M. (2023).Object constancy in adolescents with borderline personality disorder pathology.Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 14(2), 172–181Psychological well-being and personality traits are associated with experiencing love in everyday life.Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;153:109620.

Psychological well-being and personality traits are associated with experiencing love in everyday life.Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;153:109620.

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At a Glance#

Emotional Permanence in Personal Growth & Mental Health#

What Does it Mean to Lack Emotional Permanence?#

How Do You Develop Emotional Permanence?#

Introspection#

Trust Building#

Relearning Attachment Style#

Take Our Free Attachment Style Quiz#