Updated on 9/21/2022
Every year, there comes a time when we are all propelled full force into the holiday spirit. This year, however, we are coming out of several years worth of hybrid isolation and many of us are facing the complicated duality of excitement and fear: managing feelings of social awkwardness with excitement and holiday cheer. While there certainly is a lighter spirit, higher energy levels, and a global change in routine that gives us hope for the future, we cannot ignore the other side of this coin. Layers of pain- abandonment, loneliness, grief and loss are still present in many of our lives. Both of these sides deserve our time and attention in similar ways. It’s important to confront uncomfortable feelings rather than avoiding them or masking the side effects.
COVID’s Impact on Our Social SkillsCOVID changed the way we each existed in the world in a way we have never had to experience before. The first thing it did was remove our identification in the community. We stayed home, so we did not have the opportunity to run into fellow moms at our kid’s schools, or coworkers at our jobs, or even converse with others on sports teams or group fitness. There were no longer friendly, casual interactions at the grocery store, or the routine of self-care regimens with professionals; nor was there any space between work life and home life. All of these essential social tactics were removed and many of us might still be struggling to reclaim our places in community and find our value once again.Combine the lack of these items with the congestion at home, and we all feel as though we have significantly regressed in our world. We lived on top of our intimate partners, family members, kids, pets, etc. How do we miss someone or something that is always around? Because we have lost the ability to separate things that we love from the people we love, the love might seem to decrease for both categories simultaneously.
COVID’s Impact on Our Social Skills
COVID changed the way we each existed in the world in a way we have never had to experience before. The first thing it did was remove our identification in the community. We stayed home, so we did not have the opportunity to run into fellow moms at our kid’s schools, or coworkers at our jobs, or even converse with others on sports teams or group fitness. There were no longer friendly, casual interactions at the grocery store, or the routine of self-care regimens with professionals; nor was there any space between work life and home life. All of these essential social tactics were removed and many of us might still be struggling to reclaim our places in community and find our value once again.
Combine the lack of these items with the congestion at home, and we all feel as though we have significantly regressed in our world. We lived on top of our intimate partners, family members, kids, pets, etc. How do we miss someone or something that is always around? Because we have lost the ability to separate things that we love from the people we love, the love might seem to decrease for both categories simultaneously.
Holiday triggers that might make us feel alone
Holiday season is an exciting time, many individuals tend to be more positive, and positivity is contagious just like negativity seems to be. People like change when change is the norm AND societally accepted. During the holidays, positive change has the ability to engulf us completely through our five senses.
And, while not all of us will resonate with every sense on this list, we probably resonate with at least one or can understand others who resonate with items on this list.
That being said, a lot of people are left wondering: Why do I feel so alone?
Even with all its positive energy, the holiday season also brings an array of complicated emotions that might be triggering. The most common reasons why we might feeltriggered during the holiday season, include, but are not limited to:
“The holidays can often trigger complicated feelings like grief or disappointment. Holiday events can highlight the death or absence of a loved one, complex family dynamics, and unfulfilled hopes or dreams.”
Liz Kelly, LICSW
If you’re feeling down during the holiday season, know that the demand for mental health services substantially increases during this time of year, which attests to the fact that you are not alone in these feelings. People face battles all the time that we know very little about.
“Seeing the flawless images of holiday celebrations in advertising and social media can trigger feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Those images simply are not realistic for most people. If you are having trouble feeling the holiday spirit, there is nothing wrong with you. This can be a hard time of year.”
Triggers have slight variations among different people. Some people cannot identify triggers as much as they recognize that they have been triggered. Other people have a thorough understanding of their triggers, but may feel helpless in terms of either preventing the triggers from taking over or digging out when they get there.
Several warning signs that seem to universally stand out:
Social awkwardnessis real in the same way that social competence requires us to practice our skills on the regular. So practicing the art of slow and steady feels better than not at all. We all need to feel like we have a place in the world, so it feels safe to acknowledge that we all need other people to a certain degree. We need a spot to unload without criticism, we need to be able to relate, and most importantly we need to feel like we would be missed in the same way that we miss others.
So how do we practice socialization again without completely overwhelming ourselves?
Never getting space.A lot of cool things happen when we have a free moment to reflect. Reflection that pertains to ourselves with several things coming to mind.
So even in a crowded home where we are on top of our partners, family members, and even friends,can we create separate lanes?
Finding The Balance Between Excitement And Loneliness
Think of life as a journey where we are just trying to be better than we were yesterday. No matter how little the adjustment we have to make to get us to the best version of ourselves is, we are constantly trying to implement new things. This post-COVID, early entry into the holidays, is no different.
We can reach out, socially, in the way that we are comfortable with, finding items that we are really passionate about. For me, I love the cooking part of the holidays. Trying out new recipes and sharing with my friends and family. Nothing really makes me happier. For others, it might be Zoo lights or just cruising around neighborhoods looking at the lights. Go where you find the most joy and then bask in gratitude.
We can also do things that recharge us as individuals even if that means demanding and protecting that space with everything we have.
But when that all-encompassing fear and loneliness hits us, allow it to wash over us. Welcome it openly. Have an ugly cry, scream into a pillow, or spend a whole day binge watching Netflix. Our bodies and our minds actually know what to do if we can find comfort in discomfort. If that feels impossible, reach out to a professional that can assist. We are here for you.
Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.
Articles contain trusted third-party sources that are either directly linked to in the text or listed at the bottom to take readers directly to the source.
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