How to Deal With Difficult People in the Workplace, in Families, and in Friendships

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsUnderstanding Difficult BehaviorMaintaining Calm and ComposureEffective Communication StrategiesDealing With Difficult People in Specific Situations

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Understanding Difficult Behavior

Maintaining Calm and Composure

Effective Communication Strategies

Dealing With Difficult People in Specific Situations

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When someone’s behavior makes it difficult for you to do your job, carry out your everyday duties, or maintain a healthy relationship with them, they can be defined as “difficult.” Ranging from the words they say to their inability to work effectively with others, difficult people can drain you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

While a better understanding of the root of their behavior doesn’t erase your frustration, it can help you withtechniques to deal with difficult people. We look at common reasons for difficult behavior, how you can remain calm and composed in the midst of a challenging situation, and how you can deal with conflicts in the workplace and with family.

When a person makes life more stressful for you, it can be challenging to have empathy for them, or try to understand their point of view. But knowing the background story can give you effective tools for coping.

Reasons for Difficult Behavior

A person can become irritable, aggressive, intolerant, and noncommunicative for a number of both internal and external reasons, including:

When you know what causes a person to become difficult and on edge, you can figure out what steps you need to take to deal with their behavior.

How to Deal With Difficult Family Members

If someone is yelling at you, being rude, or even threatening, it’s hard to remain calm. But staying level-headed can be the key to keeping a difficult situation from escalating.

“First and foremost, it is typically not prudent to engage in any type of challenge or restorative conversation when emotions are high,” explainsJoseph Galasso, PsyD, Chief Executive Officer and Clinical Psychologist at Baker Street Behavioral Health. “If you are trying to help someone stay calm, model calmness, make sure your voice is steady, and you are clear in what you want to communicate. Be assertive and ask for exactly what you want.”

Communicating in an understanding, compassionate way also helps.

“The way you communicate with [difficulty] is imperative as well. To avoid conflict and avoid potentially losing a relationship, I try to understand their emotions and perspectives, which is, again, demonstrating empathy. Also, use the ‘I’ statement. Using the ‘I’ statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you,” states Bowman.

What Are ‘I Feel’ Statements?

When you are face-to-face with someone who is being difficult, your first instinct may be to respond in anger or frustration. However, research shows thatpracticing empathycan help foster a sense of connection.Although it takes work, when you actively listen to someone and try to understand what they are going through, it can help tode-escalate the situation.

Using the ‘I’ statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you.—NATASHA BOWMAN, JD, SPHR

Using the ‘I’ statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you.

—NATASHA BOWMAN, JD, SPHR

“Be clear about your boundaries and communicate them assertively. Don’t let problematic behavior cross your boundaries,” Bowman says.

Another communication strategy is incorporating laughter into the situation when appropriate.

“Using humor is great if it comes naturally to you. Same with reframing; both of which I categorize as distractions. If you can get someone else thinking of something else and that helps them calm down physiologically, that is great,” notes Dr. Galasso.

Compassion vs. Empathy: What’s the Difference?

The strategy you use to deal with an uncooperative coworker can be different than how you’d handle a rude, critical family member. And both of those methods can change when you’re dealing with a difficult friend.

When possible, I find the 1:3 rule applies to engaging. If you have to engage the person, do it only one out of three times [that] they are provocative.—JOSEPH GALASSO, PSYD

When possible, I find the 1:3 rule applies to engaging. If you have to engage the person, do it only one out of three times [that] they are provocative.

—JOSEPH GALASSO, PSYD

Family conflicts present a different dynamic. These are people who are often with you day in and day out. Because these are moreintimate relationships, where difficult behaviors and disagreements may have been brewing for years, setting boundaries often provides the best solution. “Be assertive and set clear expectations about what a respectful relationship looks like. Be selective with the information you share; trust is earned,” notes Dr. Galasso.

Putting firm boundaries in place is also a good way to handle difficult relationships with friends and in social settings. Make your limits clear and communicate what behavior you will and will not tolerate. Be willing to leave a gathering if necessary to preserve your peace of mind.

Ultimately, dealing with someone who is difficult can be an unpleasant, stress-inducing experience. But being equipped with the tools to deal with the situation can help you find an effective resolution.

Coping With Emotionally Draining Friends

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.New York State Office of Mental Health.Common Stress Reactions - A Self-Assessment.Teding van Berkhout E, Malouff JM.The efficacy of empathy training: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials.J Couns Psychol. 2016;63(1):32-41.The American Institute of Stress.42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.New York State Office of Mental Health.Common Stress Reactions - A Self-Assessment.Teding van Berkhout E, Malouff JM.The efficacy of empathy training: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials.J Couns Psychol. 2016;63(1):32-41.The American Institute of Stress.42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

New York State Office of Mental Health.Common Stress Reactions - A Self-Assessment.Teding van Berkhout E, Malouff JM.The efficacy of empathy training: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials.J Couns Psychol. 2016;63(1):32-41.The American Institute of Stress.42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics.

New York State Office of Mental Health.Common Stress Reactions - A Self-Assessment.

Teding van Berkhout E, Malouff JM.The efficacy of empathy training: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials.J Couns Psychol. 2016;63(1):32-41.

The American Institute of Stress.42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics.

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