Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns of a Wandering EyeDiffering ViewpointsImpact of Social MediaHave You Crossed a Line?How to Respond

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs of a Wandering Eye

Differing Viewpoints

Impact of Social Media

Have You Crossed a Line?

How to Respond

Close

When a person has a ‘wandering eye,’ it means looking and having sexual thoughts about people other than their current romantic partner. It may include behaviors such as overtly evaluating and appreciating someone’s physical attractiveness or even outright flirting with people who are not their romantic partners.

When the issue of a partner’s eyes wandering is discussed, there seem to be two general responses: Either the behavior is brushed off as nothing to be concerned about or feelings of hurt and disrespect ensue, which mayharm the relationship.

Some even believe checking out people other than a committed partner is a sure sign of infidelity, or at least a form ofmicro-cheating. The true answer to whether or not this is OK lies with you, your needs, and yourpersonal boundaries.

It is important to recognize that each person has differing definitions depending on their beliefs and boundaries. Some examples of behaviors that characterize a wandering eye include:

The behaviors that characterize a wandering eye involve how a person thinks about or communicates with people other than their partner. If these thoughts or actions lead to romantic or sexual encounters, it would be defined ascheating.

According toGail Saltz, M.D., a psychiatrist and expert on relationship matters, blatantly checking out, commenting on, repeatedly admiring, andflirtingor touching someone else usually feels quite undermining to a partner.

Dr. Saltz acknowledges that all humans have some measure of voyeurism and exhibitionism: we like to look and we like to show.

But unless both parties are confident of the others' affection and fidelity, an obvious and frequent wandering eye will generally stir up envy and hurt, making one feel unappreciated and even threatened in the relationship.

Those who feel this way often cite the following points:

Again, it’s important to remember that you define what is normal and acceptable for yourself and your relationship. That said, a study published in theJournal of Personality and Social Psychologyfound that a consistent wandering eye probably signals a more significant issue in a relationship, which is worth considering.

Some evidence suggests that people prone to having a wandering eye are also more likely to engage in infidelity. One study found that people who found attractive people more attention-grabbing were more likely to eventually cheat on their partners.

Impact of Social Media and Technology

People don’t just engage in ‘wandering’ behaviors in real-world encounters. They can also make their way into online interactions. In such settings, ‘wandering’ might involve:

Such behaviors can affect trust, communication, and intimacy in a relationship. According to one survey, around a quarter of people in relationships feel that technology has had a negative impact on their relationships.

The Truth About Online Cheating

Have You or Your Partner Crossed the Line

It isn’t always easy to determine if you or your partner have crossed a boundary in your relationship. This is because it is normal to think that other people are attractive and doing so doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve broken trust with your partner.

In order to recognize whether you or your partner have a wandering eye, consider the following:

If you feel like your partner would be hurt or upset and need to hide your actions from them, it is a good sign that your actions are crossing the line.

If your partner really won’t make any effort to change and doesn’t appear to care how it makes you feel, it’s likely that other issues may be affecting your relationship thatcouple’s therapycould help examine.

Indeed, it seems that research agrees with this advice. The aforementioned study goes on to say that nagging your partner to stop looking likely won’t address any underlying problems, either.Your relationship will require communication and a strategy to boost satisfaction and commitment.

Leading with jealousy and sweeping requests for your partner to change his or her behavior may lead them to tune you out. Instead, Dr. Saltz suggests the following:

How Marriage Counseling Can Save Your Relationship, According to Therapists

A Word From Verywell

A wandering eye could very well be a natural, simple acknowledgment of attractive people—nothing more. Of course, that may not be the case all the time. Regardless, your feelings should be valid to your partner. If it bothers you and you have calmly expressed as such to your partner, he or she should be receptive to your concerns.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Pew Research Center.Couples, the internet, and social media.

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.About marriage and family therapists.

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