Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Conversational Narcissist?Are Conversational Narcissists Actually Narcissists?Why Do Conversational Narcissists Act That Way?How Conversational Narcissism Impacts RelationshipsHow to Deal With a Conversational NarcissistAre You a Conversational Narcissist?
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is a Conversational Narcissist?
Are Conversational Narcissists Actually Narcissists?
Why Do Conversational Narcissists Act That Way?
How Conversational Narcissism Impacts Relationships
How to Deal With a Conversational Narcissist
Are You a Conversational Narcissist?
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Hanging out with people is supposed to be fun, with conversations that allow for some give and take between everyone. So when that one person—you know the one—constantlyhogs the spotlightand can’t seem to talk about anything but themselves and their own life, it can feel exhausting and draining for everybody around them.
A fitting name has been given to this social siphoner:the conversational narcissist.So what exactly is conversational narcissism, and how are you supposed to deal when you find yourself in the presence of one? Let’s get into it.
At a GlanceConversational narcissists tend to make almost every interaction about themselves, which makes talking with them annoying, frustrating, or downright miserable. It’s not a diagnosed personality disorder, but has glimmers of narcissistic traits. Gently calling out this behavior is usually the best approach for closer friendships, as some people may not even realize they’re doing it in the first place.
At a Glance
Conversational narcissists tend to make almost every interaction about themselves, which makes talking with them annoying, frustrating, or downright miserable. It’s not a diagnosed personality disorder, but has glimmers of narcissistic traits. Gently calling out this behavior is usually the best approach for closer friendships, as some people may not even realize they’re doing it in the first place.
Tom Werner / DigitalVision / Getty Images
12 Signs of a Conversational Narcissistic
Here are some behaviors that may indicate someone in your life is a conversational narcissist:
5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Them
When talking about your everyday conversational narcissist—be it a bestie, co-worker, or that one person in your friend group—they’re not necessarily a true narcissist.
Conversational narcissists don’t always meet the criteria fornarcissistic personality disorder(NPD) based on criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.NPD is typically more menacing since it permeates all aspects of a person’s life—not just their conversations with others. Plus, people with actual NPD may generally be pretty good at chatting.
“Folks with narcissistic tendencies tend to put on a facade to other people to appear that they are great,” Stockard says. “Narcissists do lack the ability to empathize with other people, but they can hold the facade that they actually care about what the other person is saying if the person is not in their inner circle, or challenging them.”
She does add, however, that narcissists can be conversational narcissists with the people closest to them. In these cases, their motives are often tomanipulate, blame,gaslight, and dismiss the other person.
The thing about conversational narcissists is that sometimes they don’t even realize they’re doing it, and/or they may not possess the skill set (yet) to fix the issue. Others may notice and simply not care or know how to change.
Insecurity
Low self-esteemand insecurity is a common cause. When people don’t feel great about themselves, they end up oversharing and acting strangely. “Sometimes they are looking for others to validate them, and some try to prove they are worthy to themselves and others. This is often attributed when someone feels insecure about themselves,” explains psychotherapistLisa Brateman, LCSW.
—LEANNA STOCKARD, LMFT
Social Anxiety or Poor Social Skills
People who struggle with social skills may find themselves re-centering themselves in conversation since they don’t really understand when it’s appropriate to offer their input.
“Having difficulty with social skills can create anxiety going into conversations, and people may think of something to say, be fearful that they may forget it, and interrupt in order to get their perspective out there,” Stockard says.
ADHD Tendencies
Some people diagnosed with ADHD may find it difficult to maintain focus in conversations, pick up on social cues, control impulses,or understand when to naturally let others take the reins.
“Due to this, folks with ADHD can find themselvesinterrupting conversationswhen something pops into their head, changing the course of the conversation to the additional topics that they have made connections to, or bring the conversation back to themselves due to the focus lost and being unsure what to say,” Stockard says.
This is why it’s important not to judge too quickly or harshly if someone shows signs of conversational narcissism. You may not know what the intention and source of these behaviors are and it’s best not to assume.
Pure Ego
Of course, some conversational narcissists are just plainego-driven. They love the sound of their own voice, think their opinions are superior to everyone else’s, and seek out the spotlight since they believe they deserve to have the light shining brightly upon them.
“[This can] influence everything in the relationship,” Brateman says. “The listener or audience will feel disrespected, ignored, devalued, lonely, and negatively impair mental health.”
Both people in the relationship need to feel seen and heard. Over time, this is often a deal breaker in relationships.—LISA BRATEMAN, LCSW
Both people in the relationship need to feel seen and heard. Over time, this is often a deal breaker in relationships.
—LISA BRATEMAN, LCSW
What ends up happening is that you may distance yourself from conversational narcissists, not include them in group gatherings, or decide not to engage or share with them the same way you would with others.
6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close
It may feel awkward, but if you care about this person and want to keep them in your life, the best course of action is to clearly and honestly communicate your feelings and requests with them using plenty of"I"-statements.
“I recommend handling a conversational narcissist initially with an open and honest conversation about what they are doing and how it is impacting you,” Stockard says. “If the person you are speaking to is not a narcissist, and has other reasons for commandeering conversations, they should be able to empathize with your perspective, understand where you are coming from, and will want to work on improving this.”
Brateman says that the other person likely won’t be “cured” right away, and that it may take several gentle and consistent reminders if the pattern is deeply entrenched for them.
When you’re in a social situation where you don’t know the person as well, being straightforward with a twist of humor can work. Say something like, “My turn!” or “Hold that thought!" This gently points out that they’ve been talking a long time, which keeps tensions low and minimizes hurt feelings in cases where they didn’t realize they were jabbering on.
Basically, you don’t need to come out with guns blazing to steer the spotlight away from the conversational narcissist. If they do keep at it, give yourself permission to walk away and engage with others who are more democratic when it comes to conversing.
How to Boost Your Self-Awareness
If you think you might be a conversational narcissist,self-reflectionis step number one in fixing the problem. From there, you can work on a few things.
Even if you’re not a true conversational narcissist, you can still benefit from working the above into your interactions.
50 Deep Conversation Starters for Meaningful Connections
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Buckholtz JW, Treadway MT, Cowan RL, et al.Dopaminergic network differences in human impulsivity.Science. 2010;329(5991):532-532. doi:10.1126/science.1185778Foxe JJ, Snyder AC.The role of alpha-band brain oscillations as a sensory suppression mechanism during selective attention.Front Psychol. 2011;0. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00154
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Buckholtz JW, Treadway MT, Cowan RL, et al.Dopaminergic network differences in human impulsivity.Science. 2010;329(5991):532-532. doi:10.1126/science.1185778Foxe JJ, Snyder AC.The role of alpha-band brain oscillations as a sensory suppression mechanism during selective attention.Front Psychol. 2011;0. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00154
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Buckholtz JW, Treadway MT, Cowan RL, et al.Dopaminergic network differences in human impulsivity.Science. 2010;329(5991):532-532. doi:10.1126/science.1185778Foxe JJ, Snyder AC.The role of alpha-band brain oscillations as a sensory suppression mechanism during selective attention.Front Psychol. 2011;0. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00154
National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.
Buckholtz JW, Treadway MT, Cowan RL, et al.Dopaminergic network differences in human impulsivity.Science. 2010;329(5991):532-532. doi:10.1126/science.1185778
Foxe JJ, Snyder AC.The role of alpha-band brain oscillations as a sensory suppression mechanism during selective attention.Front Psychol. 2011;0. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00154
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