Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy Siblings Are SpecialSibling Grief and Loss Is Often IgnoredReactions to Death of a Loved OneImpact of Sibling DeathHow Long Is Too Long to Mourn?Coping With Grief

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why Siblings Are Special

Sibling Grief and Loss Is Often Ignored

Reactions to Death of a Loved One

Impact of Sibling Death

How Long Is Too Long to Mourn?

Coping With Grief

Close

Sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting and closest connections we have in life. The loss of a brother or sister can be devastating, and thepain you feel after a sibling diescan be immense. Feeling grief or a huge sense of loss is a natural response to losing someone important in your life. Losing a brother or sister is especially challenging.

At a GlanceSibling relationships are special, which is why the loss of a sibling differs from other types of loss. Unfortunately, sibling grief isn’t something we talk about much in our society, but understanding the effects it can have on your life can help you better navigate this difficult time. The death of a sibling often triggers feelings of shock and grief. The loss is complex because you are losing a close relationship, and the family dynamic may change. You might also struggle with feelings of guilt and fears about your own mortality. That’s why it’s so important to be gentle with yourself following this type of loss. Give yourself time to heal, take steps to honor your sibling’s memory, and seek out supportive people to help you as you adjust.

At a Glance

Sibling relationships are special, which is why the loss of a sibling differs from other types of loss. Unfortunately, sibling grief isn’t something we talk about much in our society, but understanding the effects it can have on your life can help you better navigate this difficult time. The death of a sibling often triggers feelings of shock and grief. The loss is complex because you are losing a close relationship, and the family dynamic may change. You might also struggle with feelings of guilt and fears about your own mortality. That’s why it’s so important to be gentle with yourself following this type of loss. Give yourself time to heal, take steps to honor your sibling’s memory, and seek out supportive people to help you as you adjust.

Siblings play a special role in our families. They can often act as our best friends and become the people we confide in.We fight with our younger siblings, learn from our older siblings, play with our brothers and sisters, and compete with them.

In effect, we forge special relationships with our brothers and sisters. These relationships differ than those with our parents, other relatives, and even our own children.

After their son or daughter dies, the community will galvanize around the parents to support them. Friends, neighbors, and family members will focus on bringing in food, making phone calls, and helping the parents.

Outliving a child is an awful and tragic loss that should not be dismissed or given short shrift. But siblings are not allowed the time to grieve themselves. They are told to be strong for their parents.

Often, siblings are involved in setting up funeral plans and helping their parents get through such a difficult time. Caretaking when you yourself haven’t had time to grieve is burdensome.

Common Reactions to Death of a Loved One

According to the CDC, common reactions after suffering a major disaster, death, traumatic event, or drastic loss include:

Effects the Death of a Sibling May Have On You

Whether through a prolonged illness like cancer or a sudden death due to a car accident, the loss of a sibling can be jarring. You may feel like life is out of order or topsy-turvy. We are logically prepared for the loss of older parents or grandparents. But our siblings are like our peers.

We’ve experienced the daily rhythms of life with them growing up including birthdays, holidays, and special events. They’ve witnessed our parents’ arguments, our moves into different neighborhoods and our difficult times. We expected them to be there for us for future milestones, too.

A sibling’s death can then have multiple effects on you. Beyond trying to cope with your grief, you may have to contend with new challenges like the following listed below.

Changes in the Family Dynamic

When a sibling dies, roles and responsibilities may get shaken up.If your brother was the leader in the family, who takes on that role now? Your uneasiness with the new family dynamic might add more stress to your grief.

The Loss of a Close Relationship

Because siblings are often deeply connected, you may have lost both a sister and your best gal pal. If you worked in a family business, the loss of your brother might also represent the loss of your business buddy.

Profound Guilt

Dealing With Friends Who Aren’t Helpful

Friends may avoid you as they don’t know what to say. Others may say the wrong things like, “She’s in a better place” or “Let me know how I can help.”

In these moments, if you’re feeling up to it, you can suggest that your friends come over and sit with you while you cry, bring you food, or just hold your hand.

Fear of Also Developing the Illness

For siblings who passed from cancer, for example, you might now need to get tested. Especially if there’s a genetic probability that you may get the same cancer. Added to your grief (and sorrow about any suffering your loved one went through) is this new fear that you or another sibling will also be diagnosed with a deadly disease.

Research has also found that young- and middle-aged adults who lost a sibling had a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems.

There’s no “normal” amount of time to grieve the loss of a sibling. As time passes, the sadness should ease and you should be able to function. That doesn’t mean the grief disappears completely. Nor does that mean you won’t feel sadness or loneliness about the loss of your sibling.

It means you’ll begin to find happy and joyful times again and return to your daily life.

Complicated Grief

For some, though, feelings of loss are so intense, they become debilitating. This is known ascomplicated grief.It’s also called persistent complex bereavement disorder.

In complicated grief, painful emotions severely disrupt lives. Reactions are excessive, obsessive and intense. With complicated grief, people are incapable of resuming their lives in a healthy manner and need therapeutic assistance.

What Is Traumatic Grief Therapy?

Coping With Grief After the Death a Sibling

For those bereaved after losing a sibling, here are ways to help you cope with the grief and find a way through your loss.

Some suggestions are better suited for earlier in your grief journey, some for later on:

One study found that school-based social support was important for bereaved children and adults adjusting to the death of a sibling.

The Loss of a Loved One Hits Hard—Does It Ever Get Easier?

Takeaways

While we live in a culture that encourages us to move on, grieving the death of a sibling can take some time. It’s a very special loss and you have every right to feel deep pain. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and a way to live with and through the loss. Find professionals in your area or online support groups that can guide you through this difficult period.

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8 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.McHale SM, Updegraff KA, Whiteman SD.Sibling relationships and influences in childhood and adolescence.J Marriage Fam. 2012;74(5):913-930. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.01011.xCenters for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief and loss.Wallace Chi Ho C, Grace Suk Man L, Miranda Mei Mui L, Molin Kwok Yin L, Clare Tsz Kiu Y, Jody Ka-Wing W.Facing the loss of siblings in childhood: Interactions and dynamics between bereaved siblings and their parents.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e1-e8. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.07.003Gazibara T, Ornstein KA, Gillezeau C, et al.Bereavement among adult siblings: An examination of health services utilization and mental health outcomes.Am J Epidemiol. 2021;190(12):2571-2581. doi:10.1093/aje/kwab212Nakajima S.Complicated grief: Recent developments in diagnostic criteria and treatment.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2018;373(1754):20170273. doi:10.1098/rstb.2017.0273American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.The Cleveland Clinic.Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not and 13 Tips to get Through It. Published July 27, 2018.Howard Sharp KM, Russell C, Keim M, et al.Grief and growth in bereaved siblings: Interactions between different sources of social support.Sch Psychol Q. 2018;33(3):363-371. doi:10.1037/spq0000253

8 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.McHale SM, Updegraff KA, Whiteman SD.Sibling relationships and influences in childhood and adolescence.J Marriage Fam. 2012;74(5):913-930. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.01011.xCenters for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief and loss.Wallace Chi Ho C, Grace Suk Man L, Miranda Mei Mui L, Molin Kwok Yin L, Clare Tsz Kiu Y, Jody Ka-Wing W.Facing the loss of siblings in childhood: Interactions and dynamics between bereaved siblings and their parents.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e1-e8. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.07.003Gazibara T, Ornstein KA, Gillezeau C, et al.Bereavement among adult siblings: An examination of health services utilization and mental health outcomes.Am J Epidemiol. 2021;190(12):2571-2581. doi:10.1093/aje/kwab212Nakajima S.Complicated grief: Recent developments in diagnostic criteria and treatment.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2018;373(1754):20170273. doi:10.1098/rstb.2017.0273American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.The Cleveland Clinic.Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not and 13 Tips to get Through It. Published July 27, 2018.Howard Sharp KM, Russell C, Keim M, et al.Grief and growth in bereaved siblings: Interactions between different sources of social support.Sch Psychol Q. 2018;33(3):363-371. doi:10.1037/spq0000253

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

McHale SM, Updegraff KA, Whiteman SD.Sibling relationships and influences in childhood and adolescence.J Marriage Fam. 2012;74(5):913-930. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.01011.xCenters for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief and loss.Wallace Chi Ho C, Grace Suk Man L, Miranda Mei Mui L, Molin Kwok Yin L, Clare Tsz Kiu Y, Jody Ka-Wing W.Facing the loss of siblings in childhood: Interactions and dynamics between bereaved siblings and their parents.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e1-e8. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.07.003Gazibara T, Ornstein KA, Gillezeau C, et al.Bereavement among adult siblings: An examination of health services utilization and mental health outcomes.Am J Epidemiol. 2021;190(12):2571-2581. doi:10.1093/aje/kwab212Nakajima S.Complicated grief: Recent developments in diagnostic criteria and treatment.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2018;373(1754):20170273. doi:10.1098/rstb.2017.0273American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.The Cleveland Clinic.Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not and 13 Tips to get Through It. Published July 27, 2018.Howard Sharp KM, Russell C, Keim M, et al.Grief and growth in bereaved siblings: Interactions between different sources of social support.Sch Psychol Q. 2018;33(3):363-371. doi:10.1037/spq0000253

McHale SM, Updegraff KA, Whiteman SD.Sibling relationships and influences in childhood and adolescence.J Marriage Fam. 2012;74(5):913-930. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.01011.x

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief and loss.

Wallace Chi Ho C, Grace Suk Man L, Miranda Mei Mui L, Molin Kwok Yin L, Clare Tsz Kiu Y, Jody Ka-Wing W.Facing the loss of siblings in childhood: Interactions and dynamics between bereaved siblings and their parents.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e1-e8. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.07.003

Gazibara T, Ornstein KA, Gillezeau C, et al.Bereavement among adult siblings: An examination of health services utilization and mental health outcomes.Am J Epidemiol. 2021;190(12):2571-2581. doi:10.1093/aje/kwab212

Nakajima S.Complicated grief: Recent developments in diagnostic criteria and treatment.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2018;373(1754):20170273. doi:10.1098/rstb.2017.0273

American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.

The Cleveland Clinic.Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not and 13 Tips to get Through It. Published July 27, 2018.

Howard Sharp KM, Russell C, Keim M, et al.Grief and growth in bereaved siblings: Interactions between different sources of social support.Sch Psychol Q. 2018;33(3):363-371. doi:10.1037/spq0000253

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