Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCausesHow to Talk With Your PartnerSexual Frustration in RelationshipsCoping When You’re SingleHow to Find a Sex Therapist

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Causes

How to Talk With Your Partner

Sexual Frustration in Relationships

Coping When You’re Single

How to Find a Sex Therapist

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Sexualfrustrationoccurs when your needs aren’t being met in the way that you want in regards to the amount and the quality of the sex that you’re having. It can also come as a result of your personal feelings about your life or your body image.

Candice Cooper-Lovett, LMFT, a licensed sex therapist based in Atlanta, spoke with Verywell Mind about how she advises couples and individuals who are sexually frustrated.

While working through the emotions behind your frustrations, or even initiating the conversation with your partner about your sexual frustration may be difficult, it can certainly lead to a rewarding outcome.

Below, you can learn more about the causes of sexual frustration, and how you can talk to your partner about what you’re experiencing. You’ll also learn how to recognize the negative impacts of being sexually frustrated in relationships, and we’ll even drop in some tips on finding asex therapist.

Causes of Sexual Frustration

While you might immediately think of sexual frustration in the context of a relationship, it’s actually been shown that sexual frustration can directly correlate with what one study called"general existential frustration." This can result from any or all of the following factors:

Cooper-Lovett explained how she approaches sessions when one member of the couple is sexually frustrated.

She also encourages the person that has expressed sexual frustration to ask their partner about how their shared sexual experiences have been for them.

How to Talk With Your Partner About Sexual Frustrations

Cooper-Lovett begins with an old adage that still rings very true: “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.”

By this, she explains that it’s good for partners to feel open enough to share what’s going on. However, they need to make sure that they aren’t being accusatory or just plain mean in how they describe what they’re feeling.

Candice Cooper-Lovett, LMFTWhat’s helpful is to share from a space of wanting to be close and connecting with their partner. What are they needing from their partner and what does it do for them when they are sexually intimate?

Candice Cooper-Lovett, LMFT

What’s helpful is to share from a space of wanting to be close and connecting with their partner. What are they needing from their partner and what does it do for them when they are sexually intimate?

Again, she encourages people to be thoughtful and curious about what is going on with their partners. Ask genuine questions about their feelings and concerns. It may lead to you learning how you can help them out as well.

Ways Sexual Frustration Can Show Up in Relationships

Cooper-Lovett explains that couples with unexpressedsexual frustrationscan start to exhibit resentment and bitterness toward their partner, which will lead to a sense of disconnection.

The Four Horsemen

If you identify with one of the above, it could be helpful to talk to a therapist to work on your communication style and how you respond to certain situations with your partner.

4 Key Signs It Might Be Time to Break Up

How to Deal With Sexual Frustration If You’re Single

Sexual frustration for single people can result from feeling out of control. To help with this, Cooper-Lovett suggests that peoplework to find routinesthat help them develop a “sense of control and discipline.”

“Sexual frustration can cause a lot of sexual energy buildup,” says Cooper-Lovett. “Exercise, for example, can be an energy release or doing other things that can bring you pleasure outside of sexual pleasure. Meditate, and keep yourself grounded to help in dealing with sexual frustration and energy.” She also notes that there’s nothing wrong withself-pleasure.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you can seek out a sex therapist to help you work through your ideas about sex, body image, and intimacy.

Does Health Insurance Cover Therapy?

A Word From Verywell

Feeling sexually frustrated can seem mentally all-encompassing at times, but it is something that you can get through. Never be ashamed or afraid to ask for help, whether it’s from a partner or a therapist. Remember, it’s important to advocate for yourself and your mental well-being—and taking control of your sex life is an essential component.

What Is Sexual Tension?

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sallee, D. T., & Casciani, J. M. (1976).Relationship between sex drive and sexual frustration and purpose in life.Journal of Clinical Psychology, 32(2), 273–275.Wright BL.The downside of sexual restraint : sexual frequency, frustration, and stress.Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin.Lisitsa E.The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.The Gottman Institute.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sallee, D. T., & Casciani, J. M. (1976).Relationship between sex drive and sexual frustration and purpose in life.Journal of Clinical Psychology, 32(2), 273–275.Wright BL.The downside of sexual restraint : sexual frequency, frustration, and stress.Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin.Lisitsa E.The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.The Gottman Institute.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Sallee, D. T., & Casciani, J. M. (1976).Relationship between sex drive and sexual frustration and purpose in life.Journal of Clinical Psychology, 32(2), 273–275.Wright BL.The downside of sexual restraint : sexual frequency, frustration, and stress.Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin.Lisitsa E.The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.The Gottman Institute.

Sallee, D. T., & Casciani, J. M. (1976).Relationship between sex drive and sexual frustration and purpose in life.Journal of Clinical Psychology, 32(2), 273–275.

Wright BL.The downside of sexual restraint : sexual frequency, frustration, and stress.Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin.

Lisitsa E.The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.The Gottman Institute.

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