How to Cope When You've Been Ghosted

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy Do People Ghost?How to CopeWhat Does Ghosting Say About a Person?Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse?

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why Do People Ghost?

How to Cope

What Does Ghosting Say About a Person?

Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse?

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Ghostingis a type of social rejection that happens when someone you are dating or getting to know disappears without a trace. One minute, you are talking, and everything seems fine, and then they are just…gone. You suddenly find yourself left on read. Your texts, phone calls, and DMs go unanswered. You might even be shocked to find they’ve blocked you altogether. You’re left wondering, WTH happened?

This could happen at the very beginning of a relationship or in the middle of one, whether in person or online. Dealing with being ghosted is incredibly difficult—especially because you usually don’t know the cause or know how to react.

The person suddenly quits all contact with you—they won’t respond to texts, emails, calls, or social media messages. The mental health effects of being on the receiving end of these actions can be very challenging.

At a GlanceBeing ghosted sucks, but it’s increasingly common in today’s dating culture. The key thing to remember is that it’s not about you. People ghost for all kinds of reasons. They might be insecure, scared of conflict, or unable to communicate their feelings. That doesn’t necessarily make it easy to process, but there are things you can do to feel better and protect your mental well-being when someone activates phantom mode.Skip the blame and shame. Instead, concentrate on taking care of yourself. Do things that bring you joy, but don’t minimize your feelings. It’s hurtful (sometimes even emotionally abusive), and there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to a mental health professional if you need extra help processing what happened.

At a Glance

Being ghosted sucks, but it’s increasingly common in today’s dating culture. The key thing to remember is that it’s not about you. People ghost for all kinds of reasons. They might be insecure, scared of conflict, or unable to communicate their feelings. That doesn’t necessarily make it easy to process, but there are things you can do to feel better and protect your mental well-being when someone activates phantom mode.Skip the blame and shame. Instead, concentrate on taking care of yourself. Do things that bring you joy, but don’t minimize your feelings. It’s hurtful (sometimes even emotionally abusive), and there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to a mental health professional if you need extra help processing what happened.

Being ghosted sucks, but it’s increasingly common in today’s dating culture. The key thing to remember is that it’s not about you. People ghost for all kinds of reasons. They might be insecure, scared of conflict, or unable to communicate their feelings. That doesn’t necessarily make it easy to process, but there are things you can do to feel better and protect your mental well-being when someone activates phantom mode.

Skip the blame and shame. Instead, concentrate on taking care of yourself. Do things that bring you joy, but don’t minimize your feelings. It’s hurtful (sometimes even emotionally abusive), and there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to a mental health professional if you need extra help processing what happened.

People ghost for a variety of reasons. Relationship experts and psychologists agree that people who ghost are avoiding an uncomfortable situation. This evasion, while perceived as a lack of regard, is often because they feel it’s the best way to handletheir own distress or inability to clearly communicate.

Research suggests that many ghosters cut ties because they are actually trying to spare the other person’s feelings.Ghosters admit they don’t want to hurt you, or they don’t know what to do. Sometimes, they don’t think discussing a situation is necessary, or they become scared.

Ghosting is a passive way to withdraw.

But some ghosts perceive that disappearing completely might actually be the easiest and best way to handle the situation for all. Others ghost because now that it’s common, it’s an almost justifiable way to exit a relationship nowadays.

In today’s dating culture, ghosting is common. A Pew Research Center poll found that about 29% of all American adults have been ghosted, but it was much more common among young adults—42% of 18- to 29-year-olds report being ghosted.

How to Cope When You’ve Been Ghosted

It’s not always easy, and it often takes time, but there are things you can do to start feeling better even if someone in your life has ghosted you.

Rid Yourself of Blame

After someone disappears suddenly, it’s hard to not feel regret, embarrassment and shame. After all, you risked for the sake of growth and it backfired. While ghosting feels so personal, it’s not about you. It’s about them.

Because you usually can’t find a cause and there is no explanation furnished, you may blame yourself. You might want to put up walls so you don’t get hurt again in the future. Or you may tell your friends you will stop dating completely, using acognitive distortionlikeall-or-nothing thinking.

Now is the time to regroup, be kind to yourself and take a break. You are not to blame for someone walking away without a peep. Nor is it your fault that the other person couldn’t maturely give you the truth.

Nix the Shame

Shame comes about sometimes when we are reminded of previous rejections. But is ghosting rejection?

Meredith Gordon Resnick, LCSWHere’s the catch: It’s not necessarily about the betrayal but about our not having processed and integrated that early memory, and what it meant to us.

Meredith Gordon Resnick, LCSW

Here’s the catch: It’s not necessarily about the betrayal but about our not having processed and integrated that early memory, and what it meant to us.

Resnick, whose trauma-informed books about recovery from the effects of narcissistic relationships have helped tens of thousands of readers, reassures those who were ghosted and bids them to take care.

“Understood this way, we can see why self-compassion is in order,” she says. “Being dropped and feeling unseen is always painful, and there is never shame or embarrassment in feeling what is real.”

Choose Self-Care

Elena Klimenko, MD, and Integrative Medicine Specialist sometimes uses a “broken heart” homeopathic treatment for aheartfelt loss. She says, “Intraditional Chinese medicinelike acupuncture, the heart meridian—which starts at the heart and runs to the armpits, then down each arm—is responsible for heartfelt matters and some deep emotions. Proper acupuncture treatment can also facilitate recovery and take the edge off the difficult feelings.”

When you think of the ghoster, be sure toreframeyour ideas about them and the relationship. After all,theyviolated the contract of what it takes to be in a mature,healthy relationship.

That includes mutual respect, good communication, and thoughtfulness. Therefore, this wasn’t the right person for you, anyway.

8 Ways to Feel Better After a Breakup, According to the Experts

Build Resilience

David C. Leopold, MD DABFM, DABOIM, and Network Medical Director for Integrative Health and Medicine at Hackensack Meridian Health says, “When patients experience any emotional or mental health challenges, I focus on helping them buildresilienceand enhancing theirself-compassionand self-care.”

Dr. Leopold uses a comprehensive approach, including engaging in physical activity, prioritizing sleep, optimizing nutrition, cultivating meaning and purpose, and reducing stress through practices likemindfulnessand meditation.

Therefore, if you’re emotionally exhausted and stressed, where do you start in taking care of yourself?

David C. Leopold, MD DABFM, DABOIMMultiple studies clearly show that eating healthy improves mental health—reducing stress, anxiety and even depression. And any form of exercise, even just walking, is a potent natural anti-depressant.

David C. Leopold, MD DABFM, DABOIM

Multiple studies clearly show that eating healthy improves mental health—reducing stress, anxiety and even depression. And any form of exercise, even just walking, is a potent natural anti-depressant.

If youruminatetoo much, usean app to increase mindfulness or begin a meditation practice. Leopold suggests you don’t forget about finding meaning and purpose.

“Studies show focusing on meaning and purpose increasesoxytocin, our ‘feel good’ hormone, which increases feelings of connection and improves mood.” Overall, he advises that you take this time “as an opportunity to focus on you and enrich your resilience."

The person or people who ghosted you didn’t treat you with integrity and, therefore, did not consider the implications of their actions. It could also signal that they may not care about their actions and are inconsiderate or unreliable.

Or, it could be none of the above. The ghoster may be dealing with a mental health or medical condition (of a loved one or their own) that is making it difficult for them to reach out at the current time.

Whatever the case may be, being ghosted is not a reflection on you or your worthiness. Nor should it render you powerless.

Ghosting is a form of silent treatment, which mental health professionals have described as emotional cruelty or evenemotional abuseif done so intentionally.You feel powerless and silenced. You don’t know to make sense of the experience or have an opportunity to express your feelings.

You might feel a wave of different emotions: sadness,anger,loneliness, confusion. Mental health professionals find that no response is especially painful for people on an emotional level. You feel helpless and shunned without information that could guide your understanding.

Research has found that ghostees are often left with feelings of sadness and hurt. More than that, it actually threatens many of their fundamental needs, including the need for control, meaning, andbelongingness.

Takeaways

Being ghosted might result in exhibiting a variety of negative emotions and questioning yourself. Don’t play the blame and shame game. Hold your head up high, hold onto your dignity, and let them go. Someone better could be out there looking for you.

8 Things to Do If You’re Feeling Helpless

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Park Y, Klein N.Ghosting: Social rejection without explanation, but not without care.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2024;153(7):1765-1789. doi:10.1037/xge0001590Pew Research Center.2. Personal experiences and attitudes of daters.Biolcati R, Pupi V, Mancini G.Cyber dating abuse and ghosting behaviours: personality and gender roles in romantic relationships.Curr Issues Personal Psychol. 2021;10(3):240-251. doi:10.5114/cipp.2021.108289Freedman G, Powell DN, Le B, Williams KD.Emotional experiences of ghosting.J Soc Psychol. 2024;164(3):367-386. doi:10.1080/00224545.2022.2081528

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Park Y, Klein N.Ghosting: Social rejection without explanation, but not without care.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2024;153(7):1765-1789. doi:10.1037/xge0001590Pew Research Center.2. Personal experiences and attitudes of daters.Biolcati R, Pupi V, Mancini G.Cyber dating abuse and ghosting behaviours: personality and gender roles in romantic relationships.Curr Issues Personal Psychol. 2021;10(3):240-251. doi:10.5114/cipp.2021.108289Freedman G, Powell DN, Le B, Williams KD.Emotional experiences of ghosting.J Soc Psychol. 2024;164(3):367-386. doi:10.1080/00224545.2022.2081528

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Park Y, Klein N.Ghosting: Social rejection without explanation, but not without care.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2024;153(7):1765-1789. doi:10.1037/xge0001590Pew Research Center.2. Personal experiences and attitudes of daters.Biolcati R, Pupi V, Mancini G.Cyber dating abuse and ghosting behaviours: personality and gender roles in romantic relationships.Curr Issues Personal Psychol. 2021;10(3):240-251. doi:10.5114/cipp.2021.108289Freedman G, Powell DN, Le B, Williams KD.Emotional experiences of ghosting.J Soc Psychol. 2024;164(3):367-386. doi:10.1080/00224545.2022.2081528

Park Y, Klein N.Ghosting: Social rejection without explanation, but not without care.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2024;153(7):1765-1789. doi:10.1037/xge0001590

Pew Research Center.2. Personal experiences and attitudes of daters.

Biolcati R, Pupi V, Mancini G.Cyber dating abuse and ghosting behaviours: personality and gender roles in romantic relationships.Curr Issues Personal Psychol. 2021;10(3):240-251. doi:10.5114/cipp.2021.108289

Freedman G, Powell DN, Le B, Williams KD.Emotional experiences of ghosting.J Soc Psychol. 2024;164(3):367-386. doi:10.1080/00224545.2022.2081528

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