How to Cope When Your Ex Starts Dating Again

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsAcknowledge What You FeelShow Yourself Some CompassionAssess If You’re Ready to DateStrategies for Moving Forward

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Acknowledge What You Feel

Show Yourself Some Compassion

Assess If You’re Ready to Date

Strategies for Moving Forward

If your ex has jumped back into the dating world and you see them on the apps, it can be painful. It’s also challenging to handle the news from friends who report that your ex has started seeing someone else. It’s normal to feel down. It can be hurtful to hear about even if you have already begun dating and if you are not currently doing so, you might wonder if you should be dating again, too.

Learning the news can affect you emotionally, sotake a deep breath. You might feel a range of reactions fromrejectionto anger to sadness. After all, you had hopes for a relationship that didn’t work out. As the hours and days go on, it’s not uncommon for people to find difficulty concentrating on their work or routine due to the news.

This article will cover why it’s important to acknowledge and process your feelings, how to manage your feelings,how to assess if you’re ready to date, and strategies for moving forward.

While it’s tempting to sweep feelings of longing or hurt under the rug and just carry on, it’s better for your mental health to honor your feelings. Take time to feel and process things. When you avoid dealing with what you heard or try to force hard feelings away, it becomes problematic.Avoidance coping just creates more stress.

In a recent scientific studythat explored avoidance coping, researchers found that passive avoidance coping styles such as resignation andwithdrawalproduced many maladaptive outcomes. These negative health outcomes included stress, anxiety disorders, andPTSD.

One way tomanage your angeris to focus on your thought process. Don’t engage in distortions, exaggerations, orcatastrophic thinking. In this situation, that means you’d refrain from thinking they always get away with things or that you’ll never see that kind of money again. Instead of focusing or fixating on thoughts that may not be true that enrage you, be mindful of your thoughts and focus on what is true that you can control.

If you run into your former partner with a new someone, it’s best to keep the encounter brief and be polite. It’s naturally uncomfortable, even if it was your idea to break up or get the divorce. In fact, research confirms that contact with your ex-partneris associated with psychological distress.The participants in the study included over 100 recently separated adults examined over a five-month timeline.

Besides feeling distressed, you might then go home and compare yourself with the new love interest. Your self-esteem could take a hit. After an unplanned run-in, you might even think your ex is more attractive than before. You mightregretbreaking up. Reconciling might come to mind.

Before you think aboutrekindling the relationship, remember you’re vulnerable and that there are reasons the relationship didn’t work out. For instance, their gaslighting orlove-bombingbehaviors were harmful and should not be tolerated.

People heal in different ways, at different speeds. If the breakup was recent and you’re feeling upset or depressed, be patient with yourself and give yourself grace to move at your pace.

Here are signs that show you may not be ready to date from an emotionally available place at this time:

There is no right or wrong time to date again, just what is best for you. For some folks, having casual sex may be helpful and for others, it may be harmful. Important to support folks in figuring out what is best for them while being honest with themselves and others in the process. Recommend editing to:

Be honest with yourself about your readiness to meet someone else at this time or about why you are looking to meet someone else at this time. If you want to date to fill a void of loneliness and are emotionally unavailable, be honest with yourself and with those who you may date so you don’t lead anyone on.

Listen to yourself and be true to yourself when it comes to what really feels best and most nourishing for you and your well-being. This may be to date casually without emotional attachment, or it may be to wait until you feel more confident, connected, healed, and happy with yourself and with life before starting to date again.

Dating After Divorce: Knowing If You’re Ready and How to Get Started

Instead of choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms, like binge drinking, when your ex starts dating again, safeguard your physical and mental health. Just because your ex is with someone else doesn’t mean they haven’t grieved the breakup or that they don’t value you. And regardless of what they are thinking or not thinking or doing or not doing, your value and your worth is not dependent upon them or their actions or inactions. It is inherent within you.

Here are scientifically sound ways to help you heal through your hurt:

Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions

Discovering your ex is dating again can significantly affect your mental health and daily routine. Breakups can take a significant toll on your mental health and your daily routine. Reach out to friends or family members who can offer a new perspective and, at the very least, a beneficialhug. Hugs release endorphins, neurotransmitters that increase our feelings of well-being and pleasure.

Qualified therapists can also give you a safe space to explore your hurt about your ex moving on. They might recommendreframingtechniques to help you shift your mindset. Therapeutic approaches that may be helpful after a breakup include: psychodynamic therapy, art therapy, brainspotting, compassion-focused therapy, internal family systems (IFS), narrative therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), EMDR, andacceptance and commitment therapy(ACT), amongst others.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression after a breakup, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Dealing With Depression After a Breakup

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Allen MT.Explorations of avoidance and approach coping and perceived stress with a computer-based avatar task: detrimental effects of resignation and withdrawal.PeerJ. 2021;9:e11265. doi:10.7717/peerj.11265O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an Ex-partner is Associated with Psychological Distress after Marital Separation.Clin Psychol Sci. 2020;8(3):450-463. doi:10.1177/2167702620916454

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Allen MT.Explorations of avoidance and approach coping and perceived stress with a computer-based avatar task: detrimental effects of resignation and withdrawal.PeerJ. 2021;9:e11265. doi:10.7717/peerj.11265O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an Ex-partner is Associated with Psychological Distress after Marital Separation.Clin Psychol Sci. 2020;8(3):450-463. doi:10.1177/2167702620916454

Allen MT.Explorations of avoidance and approach coping and perceived stress with a computer-based avatar task: detrimental effects of resignation and withdrawal.PeerJ. 2021;9:e11265. doi:10.7717/peerj.11265O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an Ex-partner is Associated with Psychological Distress after Marital Separation.Clin Psychol Sci. 2020;8(3):450-463. doi:10.1177/2167702620916454

O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an Ex-partner is Associated with Psychological Distress after Marital Separation.Clin Psychol Sci. 2020;8(3):450-463. doi:10.1177/2167702620916454

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