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Sometimes, despite how much time and effort we put into planning something, things go awry and everything falls apart. Whether it’s an important meeting, a dinnerdate, or a vacation, we’ve all been there. It can be disappointing and upsetting when things don’t go as planned.
This article discusses why we get upset when things don’t go as planned and shares some coping strategies that can be helpful in these situations. If you learn to be more flexible and focus on solutions, you may feel better the next time things go differently than you expected.
Why It’s Upsetting When Things Don’t Go as Planned
Most people like to have asense of controlwhen it comes to planning scheduled activities, saysMeghan Marcum, PsyD, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare. Knowing what to expect can help us feel mentally prepared for what’s to come.
Even the smallest changes in plans can make us feel like our entire day has been thrown off course, Dr. Marcum says. She explains that even a slight change in the original plan can mean that we have to adjust the rest of our plans, or in some cases, abandon them entirely. You’re not alone if this stresses you out.
When the plan is disrupted or changed suddenly, it can cause anxiety, frustration, irritation, anger, disappointment, and other negative feelings. If these changes were unanticipated, they can sometimes cause conflict and disruptions in our relationships with others.—MEGHAN MARCUM, PSYD
When the plan is disrupted or changed suddenly, it can cause anxiety, frustration, irritation, anger, disappointment, and other negative feelings. If these changes were unanticipated, they can sometimes cause conflict and disruptions in our relationships with others.
—MEGHAN MARCUM, PSYD
On a broader note, you may sometimes also feel like yourlife is not going as planned. A major stressor such as a break-up, a divorce, the loss of a job, a serious health diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, or a general feeling of lack of control can trigger these thoughts and make you feel this way.
In these instances, it’s natural to grieve for what you have lost or for what could have been.Grief can take many forms, depending on the circumstances. For instance, you may feel scared, anxious, or sad about the future and angry at the situation you’re in.
50 Positive What-If Questions to Ask Yourself to Stop Your Mind from Spiraling
How to Cope When Things Don’t Go as Planned
Dr. Marcum shares some strategies that can help you cope when things don’t go as planned:
What’s Not HelpfulWhen things don’t go as planned, we sometimes cope in unhealthy ways. These are some habits that are best avoided:Blaming othersfor what went wrongAvoiding your feelings rather than accepting themUsing substances to cope with your emotions
What’s Not Helpful
When things don’t go as planned, we sometimes cope in unhealthy ways. These are some habits that are best avoided:Blaming othersfor what went wrongAvoiding your feelings rather than accepting themUsing substances to cope with your emotions
When things don’t go as planned, we sometimes cope in unhealthy ways. These are some habits that are best avoided:
How to Ensure Things Go as Planned
While nothing is foolproof, Dr. Marcum says these are some strategies that can help improve the chances of things going as per plan:
How to Be More Organized
A Word From Verywell
It’s natural to get upset when things don’t go as planned, because not knowing what to expect and not feeling in control can be stressful.
However, it can be helpful to keep an open mind, focus on finding solutions, and work on beingmore flexible. If this is difficult, you should seek support from loved ones or mental healthcare providers.
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Compas BE, Jaser SS, Dunbar JP, et al.Coping and emotion regulation from childhood to early adulthood: points of convergence and divergence.Aust J Psychol. 2014;66(2):71-81. doi:10.1111/ajpy.12043Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief.Hamilton IJ.Understanding grief and bereavement.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(651):523. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X687325
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Compas BE, Jaser SS, Dunbar JP, et al.Coping and emotion regulation from childhood to early adulthood: points of convergence and divergence.Aust J Psychol. 2014;66(2):71-81. doi:10.1111/ajpy.12043Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief.Hamilton IJ.Understanding grief and bereavement.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(651):523. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X687325
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Compas BE, Jaser SS, Dunbar JP, et al.Coping and emotion regulation from childhood to early adulthood: points of convergence and divergence.Aust J Psychol. 2014;66(2):71-81. doi:10.1111/ajpy.12043Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief.Hamilton IJ.Understanding grief and bereavement.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(651):523. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X687325
Compas BE, Jaser SS, Dunbar JP, et al.Coping and emotion regulation from childhood to early adulthood: points of convergence and divergence.Aust J Psychol. 2014;66(2):71-81. doi:10.1111/ajpy.12043
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief.
Hamilton IJ.Understanding grief and bereavement.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(651):523. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X687325
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