How to Choose Your Dating Dealbreakers Wisely

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhere Do Dating Dealbreakers Come From?Common Dating DealbreakersUnfair ExpectationsWhen Is Something a Dealbreaker?

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Where Do Dating Dealbreakers Come From?

Common Dating Dealbreakers

Unfair Expectations

When Is Something a Dealbreaker?

Close

Dealbreakers come in all shapes and sizes, but be careful because if you’re too picky, you could end up with the only person you can seem to tolerate…yourself.

At a GlanceDealbreakers can be important in a relationship because they establish boundaries for what you are willing to accept. The trick is to decide what’s most important to you, and what you’re willing to overlook for a quality person who ticks off all your other boxes.Dealbreakers such as inconsistency, poor communication, one-sidedness, disrespect, and conflicting values are common. Just be careful that you’re being fair and not turning unrealistic expectations into relationship dealbreakers.

At a Glance

Dealbreakers can be important in a relationship because they establish boundaries for what you are willing to accept. The trick is to decide what’s most important to you, and what you’re willing to overlook for a quality person who ticks off all your other boxes.Dealbreakers such as inconsistency, poor communication, one-sidedness, disrespect, and conflicting values are common. Just be careful that you’re being fair and not turning unrealistic expectations into relationship dealbreakers.

Dealbreakers can be important in a relationship because they establish boundaries for what you are willing to accept. The trick is to decide what’s most important to you, and what you’re willing to overlook for a quality person who ticks off all your other boxes.

Dealbreakers such as inconsistency, poor communication, one-sidedness, disrespect, and conflicting values are common. Just be careful that you’re being fair and not turning unrealistic expectations into relationship dealbreakers.

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Where Do Dating Dealbreakers Originate?

Many new relationships are doomed from the start because past experiences spill over into the next. When this occurs, all of the baggage of that previous relationship and all of the dealbreakers you discovered while dating yourexcome flooding into your mind.

While it may seem helpful at first, carrying your past into a new relationship often wreaks havoc on the new one because you’re no longer seeing this person for who they are on their own.

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If you’ve been in the dating game or are newly entering the dating game, you’ll know that, aside from all of the amazing (or not-so-amazing)first kisses, some people you run into may possess some annoying or downrightintolerable habits. So let’s take a look at some of the most common dating dealbreakers.

Inconsistency

If someone you’re dating is here today and gone tomorrow, then that’s a definite red flag. If someone really wants to date you and get to know you, they will pull out all of the stops. Wondering where that person may be or who they are with could cause a lot of friction in the relationship, which is why the next point is so essential.

Poor Communication

In all aspects of life, communication is the primary source. Without communication, nothing can prosper. If you’re dating someone and theycan’t properly communicate with you, that’s an ultimate dealbreaker because how else are you going to get to know one another?

If they can go hours and days without speaking to you, that means you aren’t one of their top priorities. Likewise, if they seem to fall off the face of the planet for some reason, that is also a clear lack of interest.

In fact,ghostingis probably the loudest way to say you don’t care about a person.

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Lack of Interest or One-Sidedness

Blatant Disrespect

First dates tell you so much about a person if you pay attention to factors such asbody languageand other forms ofnonverbal communication. Your eyes can often tell you what your ears cannot.

People may try to put on a facade initially, but if you pay attention, you can often see through the deception.

Conflicting Morals or Values

If someone you’re dating doesn’t know and respect your morals, they will treat you any way they feel. So you have to teach people how to treat you. That means you have to set thestandardand stand firm in it.

If you say no calls after a certain time and they call anyway, don’t answer. If you aren’t comfortable in any situation,speak up for yourself. No one will treat you how you want to be treated unless you make it known, and if they can’tadapt, show them the door.

One study found that some of the most common dating dealbreakers included:Undesirable personality traitsHealthy lifestylesDifferences in sexual or romantic behaviors

One study found that some of the most common dating dealbreakers included:

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Unfair Expectations That Turn Into Dealbreakers

But, when you’re dating, try to remember that the other person is human too. Here are some things that often end up being dealbreakers but are actually sort of unfair to the other person.

Expecting Your Potential Mate to Go Above and Beyond for You

Thinking someone you’re dating should come in and save you and go above and beyond for you is unrealistic. You are responsible for yourself.

Expecting someone to spoil you and spend all of their money on you and ending the relationship if they don’t should not be a dealbreaker.

Expecting Them to Read Your Mind

No one on this earth is amind reader, so being vocal about your feelings is primal. Many dealbreakers arise because one or both parties aren’t expressing how they truly feel. Communication is imperative in every aspect of a relationship, so avoiding tough conversations only leads to the combustion of something that could’ve been.

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Making Assumptions About Who They Are

One of the worst things you can do when you’re dating is assuming someone is a certain way before you truly know them. Stereotyping someone is the quickest way to get them to shut down and lose interest.

Placingstigmason a person is not only unfair but dehumanizing. If you walk into a new situation with old baggage, you’re bound to keep dragging it along forever and, in most cases, alone.

Questioning Everything They Do or Say

Are you one to question everything? Do yousecond-guessanything a potential partner says? If you’re a non-believer from the start, there is no future with the person trying to pursue you. Why? Because you’ll never believe anything they say. You’ll either overanalyze their words or think they’relying to you.

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Being Too Idealistic

Do you fantasize about a person before you know them? You know, believing that they are a certain way before you actually know who they really are?

These are high grounds for deal-breaking because the image you’ve drawn up in your mind about them may not match who they really are. But, of course, this only leads to disappointment.

When you’re considering your dealbreakers, it’s important to explore them as realistically as possible. So, it’s important to choose them wisely. No one is perfect, and no one will check off everything on your list. In fact, you don’t even check off everything on your own list! Remember to stand firm in the things you won’t tolerate but know when to compromise.

Speaking of compromising, how can you figure out if something is a dealbreaker or not? Keep reading!

How to Know If Something Is a Dating Dealbreaker

Some things really aren’t as complex as they may seem. You know when something really bothers you and when something is tolerable but just kind of annoying.

Substance overrules all when it comes to dealbreakers. If you’re dating someone of high quality, then shallow, superficial things can be overlooked or corrected.

As you get older, your views and preferences change, and you care more about what a person’s interior has to offer than their exterior. This might mean that your dealbreakers are a person with no depth, an unkind heart, a selfish and inconsiderate person, orsomeone that lacks intellect.

If you want substance, something like their attire, car, or current living situation won’t be a dealbreaker because it’s all changeable. Also, having a nice car or clothes has nothing to do with whether someone is a good match for you.

The best thing you can do when dating is to be observant. Don’t look for dealbreakers. In fact, don’t look for anything. Instead, hear exactly what is being said and pay close attention to actions. These key things will help you decide what you are willing to deal with and what you want no parts of.

Walk into every situation with a fresh perspective, leaving all past experiences at the door. So, choose your dealbreakers wisely because you never know who’s out there waiting for you!

Just be sure that you are doing what’s right for you. Researchers have found that people with lowself-esteemor who arelonelyare likelier to put up with dealbreakers.So see your value and don’t accept things that will make you unhappy in the long run. But be careful to make sure you are seeing the value in others as well.

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3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766Jonason PK, Garcia JR, Webster GD, Li NP, Fisher HE.Relationship dealbreakers: traits people avoid in potential mates.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2015;41(12):1697-1711. doi:10.1177/0146167215609064Jonason PK, White KP, Lowder AH, Al-Shawaf L.To see or not to see (again): Dealbreakers and dealmakers in relation to social inclusion.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1019272. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1019272Additional ReadingRiihimaki L.How Unrealistic Expectations Can Ruin Your Dating Life.EQ.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766Jonason PK, Garcia JR, Webster GD, Li NP, Fisher HE.Relationship dealbreakers: traits people avoid in potential mates.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2015;41(12):1697-1711. doi:10.1177/0146167215609064Jonason PK, White KP, Lowder AH, Al-Shawaf L.To see or not to see (again): Dealbreakers and dealmakers in relation to social inclusion.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1019272. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1019272Additional ReadingRiihimaki L.How Unrealistic Expectations Can Ruin Your Dating Life.EQ.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766Jonason PK, Garcia JR, Webster GD, Li NP, Fisher HE.Relationship dealbreakers: traits people avoid in potential mates.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2015;41(12):1697-1711. doi:10.1177/0146167215609064Jonason PK, White KP, Lowder AH, Al-Shawaf L.To see or not to see (again): Dealbreakers and dealmakers in relation to social inclusion.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1019272. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1019272

Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

Jonason PK, Garcia JR, Webster GD, Li NP, Fisher HE.Relationship dealbreakers: traits people avoid in potential mates.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2015;41(12):1697-1711. doi:10.1177/0146167215609064

Jonason PK, White KP, Lowder AH, Al-Shawaf L.To see or not to see (again): Dealbreakers and dealmakers in relation to social inclusion.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1019272. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1019272

Riihimaki L.How Unrealistic Expectations Can Ruin Your Dating Life.EQ.

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