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Respect is a vital component of anyhealthy relationship. People may argue and disagree, but they should maintain respect for one another. When someone disregards or belittles another’s feelings, interests, opinions, or beliefs, the relationship will suffer. Here’s a look at what respect means and how to nurture it in your relationship.
What Is Respect in a Relationship?“Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It means valuing your partner, accepting them for who they are, and treating them with kindness, compassion, and understanding.”
What Is Respect in a Relationship?
“Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It means valuing your partner, accepting them for who they are, and treating them with kindness, compassion, and understanding.”
Darren Robb | Getty Images
How to Establish Respect
Some definitions of respect are universal, however—like showing courtesy, involving your partner in a big decision that affects you both, and agreeing to disagree without insults or condescension.
Consider the following:
How to Talk About Your Values in a Relationship
Getty Images / George Clerk L
How to Show Your Partner Respect
You can exhibitrespectthrough positive behaviors, such aslistening to your partner’s feelings, honoring their boundaries, supporting their passions, and talking kindly about them to others. When you respect someone, you hold them in high regard through your actions, behaviors, and words.
“You can love someone but also struggle with showing them respect,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC, owner and founder ofTake Root Therapy.
Here are some ways to build respect in your relationship:
Strengthen Your Communication
As mentioned above, respect looks different to everyone. Imagine someone buys their partner a vacuum for their birthday, thinking it’s a nice, expensive gift. The recipient, a stay-at-home parent who handles most household chores, might consider this gift disrespectful.
If the issue goes unaddressed,resentment can build, significantly straining the relationship. Ongoing and open communication can help. For example, the couple might decide that household appliances are notrespectful giftsbut rather shared household purchases.
Even if you have that discussion early on in your relationship, remember that people evolve and situations change. Give each other permission to open up freely, without judgment and whenever necessary. You should both feel comfortablecommunicating your changing thoughts and feelings. If you’re not, then some underlying issues might need attention.
Be Honest and Take Responsibility for Your Actions
Being in a relationship is sometimes difficult, even for the happiest, healthiest couples. You’re bound to disagree, make poor decisions, experience mood changes, and cross boundaries. Even if you don’t intend to, you may end up disrespecting your partner.
Maybe you’ve agreed not to go into the bathroom while your partner is showering, but every morning you’re running late for work and have to sneak in to get ready. Even if the intention is harmless and the boundary to you is ridiculous, you’re still knowingly disrespecting your partner regularly.
This can cause significant issues. Rather than asking your partner to give up this boundary, you could apologize and work on setting an earlier alarm so you don’t have to disrupt their shower.
“Everyone has stressors, challenges, and difficult situations to navigate in their day-to-day lives,” says Lurie, who suggests being honest and taking responsibility for your behaviors, responses, and reactions.
Remain aware of how much tension you’re bringing into the relationship and how your stressors affect your ability to show up for your partner.
Support Your Partner’s Interests
Everyone has different interests, passions, and hobbies. Maybe your partner loves to hike, but you don’t. You don’t have to join them on hiking adventures, but you shouldn’t deter them from going. Acknowledging and accepting that your partner holds a certain value, even though you don’t share it, helps build respect in the relationship.
If your partner’s interests or behaviors are harmful to you or your relationship, then a serious discussion is in order. Your partner might love base jumping, gambling, or smoking cigarettes, and you might consider these acts disrespectful. If you love and respect your partner, however, try your best to understand them. Rather than simply giving anultimatum, explain where you’re coming from and see if they’re willing to compromise.
Dealing With a Partner Who Doesn’t Want Change
The Role of Trust
Respect and trust go hand in hand. If you trust that your partner isn’t chatting inappropriately with others online, then you shouldn’t feel compelled to go through their private messages. If you trust that your partner won’t do anything inappropriate while they’re out in the world without you, then you shouldn’t have to worry about where they go or with whom.
What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You
At the same time, partners shouldn’t hide their behavior or feelings, either. In healthy relationships, both partners should feel comfortable talking about their concerns or fears as they arise and discussing things they know might upset their partner. Making an effort to understand one another’s boundaries demonstrates respect, Lurie explains.
Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BCCommunicating openly, honestly, and early about how you expect to be shown respect in a relationship might seem over the top but it can be really beneficial in a relationship.
Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC
Communicating openly, honestly, and early about how you expect to be shown respect in a relationship might seem over the top but it can be really beneficial in a relationship.
Even in the most loving relationships, trust can be broken. A partner might buy a car without consulting their partner, consistently disregard their partner’s boundaries,lie about their actions, or kiss their co-worker at a work party. Any one of these situations can cause a loss of trust, depending on the relationship.
You can rebuild trust if disrespectful behavior is notabusive(physically, mentally, sexually, or verbally). Both partners must be willing to work at it, though. In many cases,professional supportin the form of a therapist or counselor can offer a third-party perspective and equip you with coping strategies,trust-building exercises, and skills for improving communication.
If you or a loved one have experienced domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you or a loved one have experienced domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
How to Know If You Are In a Healthy Relationship
Are You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the Quiz
If you’ve got questions about your relationship, ourfast and free quizcan help you better understand if your partnership is rock solid or if it could use some work.
Individuals have their own opinions, passions, and beliefs. Trying to change, control, or dismiss this reality is the essence of disrespect.
A loving, mutually beneficial relationship must involve respect, beginning with yourself.Self-respect is essential to understanding your boundaries, what you want from your partner, and what you’re willing to compromise on.
1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Christensen A, Baucom DH, Vu CTA, Stanton S.Methodologically sound, cost-effective research on the outcome of couple therapy.Journal of Family Psychology. 2005;19(1):6-17. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.19.1.6
1 Source
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Christensen A, Baucom DH, Vu CTA, Stanton S.Methodologically sound, cost-effective research on the outcome of couple therapy.Journal of Family Psychology. 2005;19(1):6-17. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.19.1.6
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Christensen A, Baucom DH, Vu CTA, Stanton S.Methodologically sound, cost-effective research on the outcome of couple therapy.Journal of Family Psychology. 2005;19(1):6-17. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.19.1.6
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