How to Break Up With Your Therapist

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsReasons to Break Up With Your TherapistHow to Break Up With Your Therapist

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Table of Contents

Reasons to Break Up With Your Therapist

How to Break Up With Your Therapist

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Finding the right therapistcan be challenging, and you may have to try working with a few different therapists before you find the right fit for you.

For therapy to be successful, it’s important for you to have a strongtherapeutic alliancewith your therapist.You and your therapist should have a cooperative working relationship, agree on the goals for therapy, and be able to establish a strong bond that is built on mutual trust and respect.

If your relationship with your current therapist isnot feeling like a good fit, you may feel like it’s time to “break up” with your therapist.

Navigating this situation can be tricky, because you would typically rely on the support of your therapist when you end a relationship. Furthermore, atherapistis someone who knows your most intimate thoughts and feelings, making the relationship an important one in your life, and a difficult one to terminate.

This article explores some reasons why you might want to break up with your therapist, as well as some steps that can help you do it successfully.

There are many good reasons why people might want to end their relationship with their therapist, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. According to her, these reasons may include:

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDTherapists are not the best match for every person they work with and that’s OK.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Therapists are not the best match for every person they work with and that’s OK.

Do I Have to Like My Therapist?

Below, Dr. Romanoff suggests some steps that can help you terminate your relationship with your therapist.

Reflect on Your Reasons

Before you end your relationship with your therapist, you should pause and consider the reasons why you’re making this decision.

We all have these blueprints for what to expect in relationships—some blueprints are helpful, but others can be detrimental to our relationships and needs. It’s important to consider your relationship patterns and how your blueprints might be at work.

While you may bring these blueprints with you to therapy, and sometimes apply them to your therapist, you need to be mindful of them so your past experiences aren’t in control of your present behaviors.

Working on your relationship blueprints and developinghealthier relationship patternsis something you would typically do with your therapist. If you’re feeling frustrated with your therapist, you should first share your feelings with them before ending the relationship. After all, your therapist can’t help you if they don’t know what you are actually feeling!

Having a constructive conversation with your therapist can give you insights into your relationship patterns and help you start practicing healthier relationship habits.

Consider Whether the Relationship Can Be Repaired

Before you terminate your relationship with your therapist, consider whether the relationship can be salvaged. Even if you’ve had conflicts with them, the relationship may be repairable.

In fact,conflictor disappointment in therapy can be constructive. Research shows that having conflicts with your therapist and working through them together leads to better therapy outcomes than if you never experience conflict at all, or if you drop out of therapy as a result of conflict.

Have the Breakup Conversation

If you decide you want to proceed with ending your relationship with your therapist, make it a point to have a conversation with your therapist rather thanghosting themand simply dropping out of therapy.

In other relationships, you may get ghosted or ghost people, as a result of which the relationship is cut short and you don’t get the opportunity to fully process it. Therapy, on the other hand, provides an opportunity to fully express yourself and end a relationship without necessarily having a negative connotation.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDThe end of therapy can be curative in itself, and it’s important for you to give yourself the opportunity to have this corrective emotional experience. A good therapist will encourage you to express your concerns and assert yourself in an effective way.

The end of therapy can be curative in itself, and it’s important for you to give yourself the opportunity to have this corrective emotional experience. A good therapist will encourage you to express your concerns and assert yourself in an effective way.

Having this conversation can help you get closure and may even be an empowering process that gives you an opportunity to review:

After you have the conversation with your therapist, congratulate yourself forcommunicatingand expressing your needs. These are not easy conversations to have and it is important to acknowledge that you are able to manage uncomfortable conversations and emotions that can help your future relationships.

How to Change Your Child’s Therapist

Ask for a Referral

You may wonder whether it’s acceptable to ask your current therapist for a referral to another mental healthcare provider. The answer isyes.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDYour therapist likely will not take your desire to end therapy personally—they have likely supported many people through endings before.

Your therapist likely will not take your desire to end therapy personally—they have likely supported many people through endings before.

Your therapist can work with you to explore the conflict you might have about therapy, help you understand what you want next, and refer you to someone who may be a better fit.

A Word From Verywell

Ending your relationship with your therapist can be challenging. However, having a constructive conversation with your therapist to terminate your relationship can give youclosure, which can be helpful for future relationships both in and outside of therapy.

What Not to Say to Your Therapist

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Arnow BA, Steidtmann D.Harnessing the potential of the therapeutic alliance.World Psychiatry. 2014;13(3):238-240. doi:10.1002/wps.20147American Psychological Association.Therapeutic alliance.APA Dictionary of Psychology.American Psychological Association.Understanding psychotherapy and how it works.Nof A, Dolev T, Leibovich L, Harel J, Zilcha-Mano S.If you believe that breaking is possible, believe also that fixing is possible: a framework for ruptures and repairs in child psychotherapy.Res Psychother. 2019;22(1):364. doi:10.4081/ripppo.2019.364Chapman, Alexander L. & Rosenthal, M. Zachary.Managing therapy-interfering behavior: strategies from dialectical behavior therapy(pp. 217-234). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xi, 274 pp.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Arnow BA, Steidtmann D.Harnessing the potential of the therapeutic alliance.World Psychiatry. 2014;13(3):238-240. doi:10.1002/wps.20147American Psychological Association.Therapeutic alliance.APA Dictionary of Psychology.American Psychological Association.Understanding psychotherapy and how it works.Nof A, Dolev T, Leibovich L, Harel J, Zilcha-Mano S.If you believe that breaking is possible, believe also that fixing is possible: a framework for ruptures and repairs in child psychotherapy.Res Psychother. 2019;22(1):364. doi:10.4081/ripppo.2019.364Chapman, Alexander L. & Rosenthal, M. Zachary.Managing therapy-interfering behavior: strategies from dialectical behavior therapy(pp. 217-234). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xi, 274 pp.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Arnow BA, Steidtmann D.Harnessing the potential of the therapeutic alliance.World Psychiatry. 2014;13(3):238-240. doi:10.1002/wps.20147American Psychological Association.Therapeutic alliance.APA Dictionary of Psychology.American Psychological Association.Understanding psychotherapy and how it works.Nof A, Dolev T, Leibovich L, Harel J, Zilcha-Mano S.If you believe that breaking is possible, believe also that fixing is possible: a framework for ruptures and repairs in child psychotherapy.Res Psychother. 2019;22(1):364. doi:10.4081/ripppo.2019.364Chapman, Alexander L. & Rosenthal, M. Zachary.Managing therapy-interfering behavior: strategies from dialectical behavior therapy(pp. 217-234). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xi, 274 pp.

Arnow BA, Steidtmann D.Harnessing the potential of the therapeutic alliance.World Psychiatry. 2014;13(3):238-240. doi:10.1002/wps.20147

American Psychological Association.Therapeutic alliance.APA Dictionary of Psychology.

American Psychological Association.Understanding psychotherapy and how it works.

Nof A, Dolev T, Leibovich L, Harel J, Zilcha-Mano S.If you believe that breaking is possible, believe also that fixing is possible: a framework for ruptures and repairs in child psychotherapy.Res Psychother. 2019;22(1):364. doi:10.4081/ripppo.2019.364

Chapman, Alexander L. & Rosenthal, M. Zachary.Managing therapy-interfering behavior: strategies from dialectical behavior therapy(pp. 217-234). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xi, 274 pp.

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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