Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow to Be More ApproachableCharacteristicsBenefitsPotential PitfallsFrequently Asked Questions
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
How to Be More Approachable
Characteristics
Benefits
Potential Pitfalls
Frequently Asked Questions
Close
Approachability refers to the social perception of being friendly, likeable, accessible, and easy to deal with. Being more approachable helps put others at ease. It makes others more open to initiating conversations and helps encourage social harmony in groups.
There are many reasons why others might not find you approachable. Sometimes this perception has less to do with you and more with the other person’s feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and poor self-esteem. In other cases, being unapproachable might be linked to having poor interpersonal skills or an anxiety disorder.
If you havesocial anxiety disorder (SAD), you may struggle to look approachable.Perhaps you’ve never considered the signals you send through your body language, or feel powerless to control your body because of your anxiety.
If you want to be more approachable, there are steps you can take to seem more accessible and welcoming. This article discusses some tips that can help, including:
If you struggle to meet new people or join in the conversation at social gatherings, it might be that your body language is sending the message for others to stay away. How then can you improve your body language to appear more approachable? Below are ten tips to get you started.
Smile
Although it is possible to overdo smiling, generally it is better to smile versus frown. Try to find things that genuinely make you happy or laugh and your smile will come across as natural rather than forced.
Be Accessible
If you are constantly on your smartphone or buried in a newspaper, people will feel like they are interrupting you. Make sure that you are accessible and open to communication from others.
Avoid Blocks
In the same vein, make sure that you aren’t using objects to shield yourself from others. At a party, hold your drink at your side instead of close to your chest. Keeping objects between you and others makes you appear guarded and closed.
Keep Your Head Up
It is hard for others to know to approach you if your head is constantly down; they need to see your face to feel like you want to get to know them. Keep your head level when walking, meeting people, and during social situations.
Use Eye Contact
When you do end up talking with someone, be sure to maintaineye contact. A good rule is about 60% of the time, you should be looking in the other person’s eyes. Avoiding eye contact makes you appear untrustworthy or disinterested.
If direct eye contact feels hard, try looking at only one eye at a time or a spot between a person’s eyes. They won’t be able to tell the difference.
Angle Towards
Watch your feet, your legs, and your body; you should be angling toward the person you are talking to, not away. Any body language that makes you look like you are ready to “bolt for the door” means the other person will feel like you are just not interested.
Avoid Nervous Habits
Even though you might be nervous, avoid the habits that go along with the feeling. Stop touching your face or playing with your hair. Don’t fidget with your pen or the change in your pocket. Keep your hands relaxed at your sides or use them to gesture when making conversation.
Mirror the Other Person
Use this technique sparingly when appropriate. If you are in conversation with another person, mirror his body language to make him feel more comfortable; make some of the same movements that he does. Don’t overdo this strategy or it will become obvious what you are doing.
Nod During Conversation
Whenlisteningto someone, nod to show that you are paying attention and interested. Doing so reinforces for the other person that you want to be involved in the conversation. One way to take the focus off yourself during a conversation is to plan to share what you’ve heard with someone else afterward. This will cause you to stay focused, ask questions, and summarize to make sure you understand.
Be Positive
Beyond body language, always be positive. Say nice things about other people instead of mean things. Approach others and include those who seem to be left out. Be a positive person and you will attract other positive people to you.
RecapStrategies such as smiling, being accessible, avoiding closed body language, and mirroring the other person’s body language can help others see you are more approachable.
Recap
Strategies such as smiling, being accessible, avoiding closed body language, and mirroring the other person’s body language can help others see you are more approachable.
How to Be More Interesting
Characteristics of Approachable People
Being approachable is all about being friendly, open, and welcoming. People who are described as approachable tend to make other people feel comfortable and are good at getting others to open up.
ApproachablePositiveEnthusiasticNon-judgmentalTrustworthyEmpatheticHumorousUnapproachableNegativeCold and apatheticJudgmentalSecretiveUncaringDisinterested
ApproachablePositiveEnthusiasticNon-judgmentalTrustworthyEmpatheticHumorous
Positive
Enthusiastic
Non-judgmental
Trustworthy
Empathetic
Humorous
UnapproachableNegativeCold and apatheticJudgmentalSecretiveUncaringDisinterested
Negative
Cold and apathetic
Judgmental
Secretive
Uncaring
Disinterested
Try the Likable Person Test
This fast, free quiz can help give you insight into whether or not you possess traits that could make you more or less likable.
Benefits of Being More Approachable
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Potential Pitfalls of Being Unapproachable
Being unapproachable can come with a number of drawbacks. If people feel that you are unapproachable, you might experience:
What makes a person more approachable?
People who are seen as approachable can overcome barriers in social situations. They are seen as accessible and are good at helping others feel welcome in social situations. Their body language, facial expressions, and listening skills help convey their interest in hearing what others say.
How can I be more approachable and make friends?
Simple actions like smiling at others and using good eye contact are great places to start. Once someone seems open tostarting a conversation, utilizing icebreakers to introduce yourself and move the conversation forward can keep the momentum going. Of course, practicing these skills can help you get better at being more approachable and forming new friendships.
Why are anxious people sometimes viewed as unapproachable?
Social anxiety can lead people to give off signals that others misinterpret as being standoffish. Examples include avoiding eye contact and closed body language.If you have social anxiety, getting treatment can help. You can also learn new coping strategies and ways of relating to others that will help you seem more approachable.
The Bottom Line
Although it may feel unnatural at first, with the time you should start to feel more open and confident as a result of changing your body language. If, however, you still struggle to be open with others, it is best to seek help for your social anxiety. There are effectivetreatmentssuch as medication andcognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT) that will make a difference in your life.
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4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. National Institute of Mental Health.Willis ML, Dodd HF, Palermo R.The relationship between anxiety and the social judgements of approachability and trustworthiness.PLoS ONE. 2013;8(10):e76825. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076825Pack R, Columbus L, Duncliffe TH, et al.“Maybe I’m not that approachable”: using simulation to elicit team leaders' perceptions of their role in facilitating speaking up behaviors.Adv Simul (Lond). 2022;7(1):31. doi:10.1186/s41077-022-00227-yTsuji Y, Shimada S.Socially anxious tendencies affect impressions of others’ positive and negative emotional gazes.Front Psychol. 2018;9:2111. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02111
4 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. National Institute of Mental Health.Willis ML, Dodd HF, Palermo R.The relationship between anxiety and the social judgements of approachability and trustworthiness.PLoS ONE. 2013;8(10):e76825. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076825Pack R, Columbus L, Duncliffe TH, et al.“Maybe I’m not that approachable”: using simulation to elicit team leaders' perceptions of their role in facilitating speaking up behaviors.Adv Simul (Lond). 2022;7(1):31. doi:10.1186/s41077-022-00227-yTsuji Y, Shimada S.Socially anxious tendencies affect impressions of others’ positive and negative emotional gazes.Front Psychol. 2018;9:2111. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02111
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. National Institute of Mental Health.Willis ML, Dodd HF, Palermo R.The relationship between anxiety and the social judgements of approachability and trustworthiness.PLoS ONE. 2013;8(10):e76825. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076825Pack R, Columbus L, Duncliffe TH, et al.“Maybe I’m not that approachable”: using simulation to elicit team leaders' perceptions of their role in facilitating speaking up behaviors.Adv Simul (Lond). 2022;7(1):31. doi:10.1186/s41077-022-00227-yTsuji Y, Shimada S.Socially anxious tendencies affect impressions of others’ positive and negative emotional gazes.Front Psychol. 2018;9:2111. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02111
Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. National Institute of Mental Health.
Willis ML, Dodd HF, Palermo R.The relationship between anxiety and the social judgements of approachability and trustworthiness.PLoS ONE. 2013;8(10):e76825. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076825
Pack R, Columbus L, Duncliffe TH, et al.“Maybe I’m not that approachable”: using simulation to elicit team leaders' perceptions of their role in facilitating speaking up behaviors.Adv Simul (Lond). 2022;7(1):31. doi:10.1186/s41077-022-00227-y
Tsuji Y, Shimada S.Socially anxious tendencies affect impressions of others’ positive and negative emotional gazes.Front Psychol. 2018;9:2111. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02111
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