How to Be Less Intimidating

Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents5 Ways to Be Less IntimidatingCharacteristicsCausesBenefits of Being Less IntimidatingFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

5 Ways to Be Less Intimidating

Characteristics

Causes

Benefits of Being Less Intimidating

Frequently Asked Questions

People described as intimidating are often overly domineering and cause others to feel threatened, overwhelmed, or even afraid.

Being confident, assured, and commanding isn’t a bad thing. It can help people take you seriously in the workplace, social situations, and ininterpersonal relationships. But there is a difference between being confident and being intimidating.

This article discusses ways you can be less intimidating and recognize signs that you might be intimidating to others. It also explores some of the reasons why people might see you this way and some of the potential benefits of being less intimidating.

Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to be less intimidating without giving up any of your assertiveness or confidence.

Use Good Eye Contact

While a lack of eye contact is often associated with low confidence or deceitfulness, too much intense eye contact can be overwhelming and intimidating. If people feel like you are staring them down, they are more likely to feel threatened in your presence.

Eye contact is important for good body language. It can be used to convey interest, honesty, and attentiveness. Some good rules of thumb for appropriate eye contact are to:

Work on Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence(EI) refers to the ability to identify, understand, express, and manage emotions. This ability can play an important role in interpersonal relationships, allowing you to recognize better what other people are feeling and when they might feel threatened.

Seeing from their perspective can give you greater insight, which can inform how you respond in different social situations.

Smile at People

Try to smile at others and express more positive emotions in social situations. People may feel intimidated if you seem unapproachable or disapproving, so a smile can help you appear friendlier and more welcoming.

Pay Attention to Body Language

Yourbody language—including gestures, expressions, and posture—can be used to convey confidence. But others may find it intimidating if you stand too close or use sharp, sudden gestures.

While you don’t want to appear unconfident, small things like angling your body toward others, respecting people’s personal space, and avoiding aggressive gestures can help your body language seem less intimidating.

Show Gratitude to Others

Be willing to let other people know that you appreciate them. Expressinggratitudelets people know that you value their efforts. People who feel valued and receive genuine feedback are less likely to see you as intimidating.

Showing gratitude isn’t a sign of weakness and won’t make others lose respect for you. They will still value yourleadershipand respect your input, but they may be more likely to turn to you for assistance or offer their creative solutions instead of avoiding you out of fear.

Research has also shown that gratitude increases positive emotions.Not only will you feel more optimistic, but so will the people around you.

Be Validating

In addition to telling people that you notice and appreciate them, it is also essential tovalidate what others are feeling. You might have differing opinions, values, and ways of doing things, but you can still show them that you hear what they say and are interested in their perspective.

In many cases, simply saying something like, “I understand what you’re saying” or “I get why you’d feel that way” can help people feel understood.

Strengthen Your Conversational Skills

People may see you as intimidating if you tend to dominate the conversation. While you might be used to taking center stage, having good listening skills and knowing how to engage in small talk can go a long way toward being seen as moreapproachableand reassuring.

Strategies that can help include:

How to Start a Conversation

Characteristics of Intimidating People

Intimidating people tend to have dominant personality traits and behaviors that command attention in groups. They are often the group’s most influential members, but it can be off-putting and may lead to avoidance and poor social interactions.

Intimidating PeopleBlunt or brutally honestDisregard for small talkStubbornDecisiveHighly opinionatedHigh self-esteemJudgmentalApproachable PeopleAcceptingHospitablePositiveEmpatheticKindNon-judgmental

Intimidating PeopleBlunt or brutally honestDisregard for small talkStubbornDecisiveHighly opinionatedHigh self-esteemJudgmental

Blunt or brutally honest

Disregard for small talk

Stubborn

Decisive

Highly opinionated

High self-esteem

Judgmental

Approachable PeopleAcceptingHospitablePositiveEmpatheticKindNon-judgmental

Accepting

Hospitable

Positive

Empathetic

Kind

Non-judgmental

Potential Causes of Being Intimidating

If other people describe you as intimidating, it is essential to consider why they might feel that way. Sometimes, people feel intimidated because of their insecurities, lack of confidence, poor self-esteem, and high anxiety levels.

For example, they may misinterpret your confidence or assertiveness as intimidation. Being welcoming and kind can help, but ultimately, it is up to others to address their issues.

According to researchers, dominant people are usually the group’s most influential members. However, their dominant behaviors, including intimidation, aggression, and coercion, tend to be aversive to others.

These characteristics may help people rise to positions of power. Those traits become a hindrance to things like fostering social harmony and improving group productivity.

If you are in a leadership position, becoming less intimidating can help improve team cohesiveness and productivity.

People who are confrontational, aggressive, and authoritative are more likely to be seen as intimidating. Being blunt, reserved, stubborn, and opinionated can also contribute to this perception.

While extroverts are often seen as more assertive and confident, very introverted or even shy people can also be seen as intimidating. Because they tend to be reserved, keep to themselves, and often rely on closed body language, others sometimes misinterpret these signals as aloofness, disdain, and intimidation.

Spend time with positive, supportive people who make you feel good about yourself, and use positive self-talk to fosterhealthy self-esteem.

It can be frustrating if other people find you intimidating. While you cannot control how others feel, there are strategies you can use to become more approachable.

If you want to be less intimidating, take steps you use good eye contact and open body language. Other strategies, such as smiling, expressing gratitude, and having good conversational skills, can also be beneficial.

When Too Much Self-Confidence Is a Bad Thing

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576Heerey EA, Gilder TSE.The subjective value of a smile alters social behaviour.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225284. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225284Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Rodriguez-Santiago M, Nührenberg P, Derry J, Deussen O, Francisco FA, Garrison LK, Garza SF, Hofmann HA, Jordan A.Behavioral traits that define social dominance are the same that reduce social influence in a consensus task.Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2020;117(31):18566-18573. doi:10.1073/pnas.2000158117

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576Heerey EA, Gilder TSE.The subjective value of a smile alters social behaviour.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225284. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225284Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Rodriguez-Santiago M, Nührenberg P, Derry J, Deussen O, Francisco FA, Garrison LK, Garza SF, Hofmann HA, Jordan A.Behavioral traits that define social dominance are the same that reduce social influence in a consensus task.Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2020;117(31):18566-18573. doi:10.1073/pnas.2000158117

Weick M, Mccall C, Blascovich J.Power moves beyond complementarity: A staring look elicits avoidance in low power perceivers and approach in high power perceivers.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017;43(8):1188-1201. doi:10.1177/0146167217708576Heerey EA, Gilder TSE.The subjective value of a smile alters social behaviour.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225284. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225284Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.Rodriguez-Santiago M, Nührenberg P, Derry J, Deussen O, Francisco FA, Garrison LK, Garza SF, Hofmann HA, Jordan A.Behavioral traits that define social dominance are the same that reduce social influence in a consensus task.Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2020;117(31):18566-18573. doi:10.1073/pnas.2000158117

Heerey EA, Gilder TSE.The subjective value of a smile alters social behaviour.PLoS One. 2019;14(12):e0225284. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0225284

Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584

Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M.Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123

National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.

Rodriguez-Santiago M, Nührenberg P, Derry J, Deussen O, Francisco FA, Garrison LK, Garza SF, Hofmann HA, Jordan A.Behavioral traits that define social dominance are the same that reduce social influence in a consensus task.Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2020;117(31):18566-18573. doi:10.1073/pnas.2000158117

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Use Good Eye Contact#

Work on Your Emotional Intelligence#

Smile at People#

Pay Attention to Body Language#

Show Gratitude to Others#

Be Validating#

Strengthen Your Conversational Skills#

Characteristics of Intimidating People#

Potential Causes of Being Intimidating#