Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow to Stop Being ClingyDefinitionWhy We Get ClingyStrategiesIf Your Partner Is Clingy

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

How to Stop Being Clingy

Definition

Why We Get Clingy

Strategies

If Your Partner Is Clingy

Close

When you’re in love, especially in those early stages where every call,text, or in-person meeting is enough to leave you buzzing—it can be very easy to slip into a habit where you constantly crave theattentionof your partner.

However, despite your best intentions, acting clingy towards your significant other may not always be an attractive trait. In some cases, it can do more harm than good in your relationship.Clingingto someone or something is a tendency to stay very close to someone (such as a parent or partner) for emotional support, protection, and more.

We’ll be taking a look at what it means to be clingy, why it happens, and most importantly—how to get it under control so you can enjoy a healthy and happy relationship with your partner.

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If you want to stop being clingy, some strategies can help. Consider trying some of these tactics to feel more secure and less clingy in your relationship:

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Examples of Clinginess in Relationships

Whereas children cry and throw tantrums when separated from a parental figure, being clingy may manifest in different forms in a romantic relationship. It includes engaging in acts such as:

If these are behaviors that you find yourself frequently engaging in, the reality may be a hard pill to swallow. However, while it may not be immediately apparent, there is an underlying reason why you tend to cling to partners during your relationships.

Why Do We Get Clingy?

Requiring constant interaction or assurance of your partner may seem rooted in your love for them, but it is more likely indicative of a separate, possibly serious condition.

Anxiety and Attachment

Fast forward a few thousand years, and this behavior can be found every once in a while in romantic relationships. People that exhibit clingy traits are likely to have anxiousattachment stylestowards their partners.

They may constantly worry about being underappreciated or abandoned in their relationships. You’ll find that a clingy person is constantly on the lookout for the first signs that their partner is pulling away from them.

When you find yourself imagining the worst-case scenarios when your partner is out without you, or if you tend to panic when they fail to pick up on the first try, you are exhibiting traits that go back centuries.

To avoid this, and to feel more secure in their relationship, a clingy person may do everything they can to get closer to their partners emotionally. Unfortunately, this can end up smothering their significant others, and may even be responsible for driving a wedge in the relationship.

However, beyond affecting just partners, people that are clingy in relationships may be poorly adjusted. They also deny themselves the opportunity to fully enjoy their relationships.

3 Key Factors in Healthy Relationships

How to Not Be Clingy

Although detaching yourself from a person you’re so invested in can be difficult, you can make some simple changes to avoid being clingy in a relationship.

Accept that there may be an issue

An important thing to do whenmaking a changeis to take personal inventory of your actions. By doing this, you can observe whether or not you are indeed clingy.

If you find that you are constantly seeking to communicate/meet up with your partner, or if you are tirelessly monitoring their activities on social media—there’s a high chance that you are clingy.

Accepting this fact frees you to take the steps necessary for changing your pattern of behavior. It is especially important to perform this exercise, because the word ‘clingy’ has significant power as an insult.

Look within yourself to determine if you fit the bill, or if a person is unfairly describing you in a certain way. After careful introspection, if your actions don’t qualify as clingy, simply focus on building ahealthy relationshipwith your partner.

Talk to your partner about it

After accepting that you can come off as clingy, speaking to your partner about how your actions make them feel can put things into perspective. It can provide insight into the changes that are required to maintain healthy interactions.

Speaking about actions you take that set them off the most can be eye-opening. You can discuss a shared idea of what would qualify as wholesome, less-smotheringcommunicationin your relationship.

It may hurt to hear that the efforts you put into the relationship, seemingly to feel closer to your partner, are in fact backfiring. However, simply focus on the fact that your relationship is still standing, and can be salvaged with the right changes.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

Take some time to focus on yourself

Take the time tore-discover yourself. What are the things you like to do? What are those books you’ve been meaning to read? Give them a shot.

When you feel the usual urge to reach out to your partner in quick succession, fight it off and use that trigger as a reminder to focus on a thing that benefits you directly.

This is not to say, however, that you should keep away from your partner. Rather, keeping your correspondence and hangouts to a time and frequency both of you agree is more suitable can help to strengthen your relationship.

Spend more time with friends

While you are learning to be less clingy, this is the perfect time to lean into your friends and family. Plan friendship dates, go on dinners, map out fun-filled weekends, and re-kindle your relationship with them.

This will not only strengthen your bond with friends, but it can also serve as a welcome difference from being in constant contact with your partner.

Get help with managing anxiety

Because clinginess often stems fromfears of being abandonedor replaced, it can be very helpful to your relationship and well-being to receiveprofessional helpif you are dealing with anxiety

Therapy can help you understand why you become so strongly attached to people, and can give useful tips for managing your attachments. This may convey benefits that not only promote your wellness, but can even strengthen your relationship.

The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and Tested

If you’re feeling smothered in your relationship because your partner is clingy, try these strategies:

Talk about it.Discuss the issue together, whether between yourselves or in counseling. Bringing it out into the open can help both of you explore and understand the reasons for their clingy behavior and address it in a healthy way.

Set healthy boundaries.Communicate them clearly so there’s no room for hurt or misunderstanding, and make them specific to your relationship. For example, if your partner calls you continuously while you’re at work, set a specific time for a call. If your partner won’t go to a social function alone, or will not tolerate you doing so, make it clear that doing some things independently is healthy and necessary for the relationship to continue. If your partner contacts you repeatedly while you are at such an event, tell them you’ll answer once and only once.

Reassure your partner.Explain that independence does not mean that you don’t care for them, and that the spaces in your relationship only strengthen the feelings you have for them.

If it’s just too much, get help.If the clinginess verges into stalking, harassment, physical or emotional aggression, or other dangerous behavior, involve the authorities.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

A Word From Verywell

Few would be pleased to be described as clingy. While it may appear to be a reaction to intense feelings, it can cause your partner to feel overwhelmed, and may create a rift within your relationship.

Clinginess may be the result of anxiety, and can greatly interfere with the innocent pleasure that can be derived from a relationship. However, it is very possible to ease your way out of this behavior, into more healthy interactions with your partner.

Accepting your traits and speaking honestly with your partner can help with managing any clinginess during relationships.

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

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