Whether you have a wonderful relationship with your mom, a strained one, or even none at all, most people (particularly women)wish they could change their mom in some ways. Maybe it’s natural to wish that the relationship that begins as the closest human bond could evolve a little more.

What We Wish We Could Change About Mom

For most of us, our mother’s gave us life, nurtured us, cleaned, fed, put up with our whining. It’s important to recognize these contributions (almost always unpaid), andbe grateful for their work and their love. That doesn’t mean there aren’t some things that get under your skin.

Here are some key issues that bother many people about their moms:

Recognize Limits of What You Can Change

No matter what issues you and your mother are dealing with, it is important to recognize the limits of how you can change her. You desperately hope that she can one day realize your strengths, care for you, care for herself, or be on the same page, — this is a normal and understandable desire.

Unfortunately, there is a low likelihood that you can convince your mother to turn into someone else, whether that fantasy mother be more agreeable, more open minded, or more nurturing.

Paths to Acceptance of Your Mother

There are many paths to accepting that your mother will not change. One key to focus on is your mother’s strengths. What are the positives in yourrelationship? Ways in which your mother has helped you, taught you anything, made you into the person that you are today? Even if you have become stronger because she has not been there for you, that realization can put you on the path to acceptance.

Additionally, recognizing the contributing factors that led to your mother’s behavior can be very useful in facilitating acceptance. Learning more about her upbringing and the stressors she faced,in her own family and life in general, can help you understand why she acts in the ways she does.

Even if you know about her past, considering it more or asking her for more details (if your relationship is structured in a way that you can ask these types of questions) can be very beneficial in expanding the way you think and feel about your mother.

Therapy Helps You Make Peace With Familial Situations

Of course, therapy can be very useful in helping you make peace with your mother and anyanger, sadness, or resentment that you feel. Talking to a professional can help you put your lingering feelings to bed and move forward in your life and in your relationship with your mom.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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