Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents5 Stages ModelAdditional ModelsHow to HelpResourcesNext in The Stages of Grief GuideWhat to Know About the Denial Stage of Grief
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
5 Stages Model
Additional Models
How to Help
Resources
Next in The Stages of Grief Guide
Close
If you or a loved one isdealing with loss, it can be helpful to learn more about the grieving process. Here we share the 5 Stages of Grief, along with a few ways to help someone who is grieving after a death or breakup.
It’s important to remember that the grieving process can be complex, and it isn’t the same for everyone. These steps may not be followed exactly, or other feelings may surface after you thought you were through the stages of grieving. Allowing room to experience grief in your own way can help you heal after loss.
The 10 Best Online Grief Counseling Services We Tried and Tested
What Are the 5 Stages of Grief?
Denial
In the first stage of the grieving process,denialhelps us minimize the overwhelming pain of loss. As we process the reality of our loss, we are also trying to survive emotional pain. It can be hard to believe we have lost an important person in our lives, especially when we may have just spoken with them the previous week or even the previous day.
During this stage in grieving, our reality has shifted completely. It can take our minds time to adjust to our new reality. We reflect on the experiences we’ve shared with the person we lost, and we might find ourselves wondering how to move forward in life without this person.
Denial is not only an attempt to pretend that the loss does not exist. We are also trying to absorb and understand what is happening.
Anger
The second stage in grieving isanger. We are trying to adjust to a new reality and are likely experiencing extreme emotional discomfort. There is so much to process that anger may feel like it allows us an emotional outlet.
Keep in mind that anger does not require us to be very vulnerable. However, it may feel more socially acceptable than admitting we are scared. Anger allows us to express emotion with less fear of judgment or rejection.
How Anger Can Affect Your Health
Bargaining
When coping with loss, it isn’t unusual to feel so desperate that you are willing to do anything to alleviate or minimize the pain. During this stage in grieving, you may try to bargain to change the situation, agreeing to do something in return for being relieved of the pain you feel.
Whenbargainingstarts to take place, we often direct our requests to a higher power, or something bigger than us that may be able to influence a different outcome. Bargaining during the grieving process can come in the form of a variety of promises, including:
There is an acute awareness of our humanness in this stage of grieving; when we realize that there is nothing we can do to influence change or create a better end result.
Bargaining comes from afeeling of helplessnessand gives us a perceived sense of control over something that feels so out of control. During bargaining, we tend to focus on our personal faults or regrets. We might look back at our interactions with the person we are losing and note all the times we felt disconnected or may have caused them pain.
It is common to recall times when we may have said things we did not mean and wish we could go back and behave differently. We also sometimes make the drastic assumption that if things had played out differently, we would not be in such an emotionally painful place in our lives.
Depression
During our experience of processing grief, there comes a time when our imaginations calm down and we slowly start to look at the reality of our present situation. Bargaining no longer feels like an option and we are faced with what is happening.
In this stage of grieving, we start to feel the loss of our loved one more abundantly. Our panic begins to subside, the emotional fog begins to clear, and the loss feels more present and unavoidable.
In those moments, we tend to pull inward as the sadness grows. We might find ourselves retreating, being less sociable, and reaching out less to others about what we are going through. Although this is a very natural stage in the grieving process, dealing withdepressionafter the loss of a loved one can be extremely isolating and one of the most difficult stages.
If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area. For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
The Best Online Therapy Services for Depression We Tried and Tested
Acceptance
The last of the 5 Stages of Grief is acceptance. When we come to a place ofacceptance, it is not that we no longer feel the pain of loss. Instead, we are no longer resisting the reality of our situation, and we are not struggling to make it something different.
Sadness and regret can still be present in this phase. But the emotional survival tactics of denial, bargaining, and anger are less likely to be present during this phase of the grieving process.
2:07Click Play to Learn More About the Stages of Grief
2:07
Click Play to Learn More About the Stages of Grief
How Long Do Grief Stages Last?
There is no specific time period for any of these stages. One person may experience the stages quickly, such as in a matter of weeks, whereas another person may take months or even years to move through the stages of grieving. Whatever time it takes for you to move through these stages is perfectly normal.
As we consider the 5 Stages of Grief, it is important to note that peoplegrieve differently. So, you may or may not go through each of these stages or experience them in order. The lines of the grieving process stages are often blurred. We may also move from one stage to another and possibly back again before fully moving into a new stage.
Your pain is unique to you, your relationship to the person you lost is unique, and the emotional processing can feel different to each person. Take the time you need and remove any expectations of how you should be performing as you work through the grieving process.
Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast
Additional Grieving Process Models
Four Phases of Grief
7-Stage Model of Grief
Some suggest that there are seven stages in grieving instead of only four or five. This more complex model of the grieving process involves experiencing:
How to Deal With the Death of a Mother
How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving
It can be difficult to know what to say or do when someone has experienced loss. We do our best to offer comfort, but sometimes our best efforts can feel inadequate and unhelpful.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind if someone you love is going through the stages in grieving:
Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.
Get Help Now
We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.
Resources for People in Stages of Grieving
Several organizations provide information or assistance for people going through the grieving process. Regardless of where you are in the stages in grieving, you may find help via entities such as:
9 Types of Grief People May Experience, According to Experts
It is important to remember that everyone copes with loss differently. While you may experience all five stages of grief, you might also find that it is difficult to classify your feelings into any one of the stages. Have patience with yourself and your feelings in dealing with loss.
Allow yourself time to process all your emotions, and when you are ready to speak about your experiences with loved ones or a healthcare professional, do so. If you are supporting someone who has lost a loved one, such as a spouse orsibling, remember that you don’t need to do anything specific. Simply allow them room to talk when they are ready.
Making Life Decisions After Experiencing Loss
5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.University of Rochester Medical Center.Grief and loss: The process of healing.Newman L.Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.Stroebe M, Schut H, Boerner K.Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief.Omega (Westport). 2017;74(4):455–473. doi:10.1177/0030222817691870Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415–1434. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692Parkes CM.Bereavement in adult life.BMJ. 1998;316(7134):856–859. doi:10.1136/bmj.316.7134.856
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.University of Rochester Medical Center.Grief and loss: The process of healing.Newman L.Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.Stroebe M, Schut H, Boerner K.Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief.Omega (Westport). 2017;74(4):455–473. doi:10.1177/0030222817691870Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415–1434. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692Parkes CM.Bereavement in adult life.BMJ. 1998;316(7134):856–859. doi:10.1136/bmj.316.7134.856
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
University of Rochester Medical Center.Grief and loss: The process of healing.Newman L.Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.Stroebe M, Schut H, Boerner K.Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief.Omega (Westport). 2017;74(4):455–473. doi:10.1177/0030222817691870Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415–1434. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692Parkes CM.Bereavement in adult life.BMJ. 1998;316(7134):856–859. doi:10.1136/bmj.316.7134.856
University of Rochester Medical Center.Grief and loss: The process of healing.
Newman L.Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.
Stroebe M, Schut H, Boerner K.Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief.Omega (Westport). 2017;74(4):455–473. doi:10.1177/0030222817691870
Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415–1434. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692
Parkes CM.Bereavement in adult life.BMJ. 1998;316(7134):856–859. doi:10.1136/bmj.316.7134.856
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
